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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Humphreyisapuppet View Post
    I have also found that these competitive mum's are not just competeing with their babies milestones but also with jobs, their babies clothing, nursery room set up, clenliness of their homes, cooking home made food everyday (packet baby food is a sin) ......they want to be the best at everything. Why!?

    The mum's in my group r returning to work and think they r doing it harder than SAHM's because they r juggling work/childcare/home duties/raising ther baby while going to ther jobs. I am so left out of their conversations.
    I am a SAHM and i hate the question "when are you going back to work?" "So what do you do?....SAHM.....ok, so where do you work?" arghhhh!!!!!
    It is difficult sometimes. I actually get the opposite, nearly all the mums at playgroup are sahm's and I feel like they judge me because I'm going back to work. One mum said to me "oh no" when I mentioned work and seemed to feel sorry for me because I was returning to work, I explained that I'm looking forward to going back to work, I enjoy my work and want to go back to work

  2. #22
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    Be my friend, my son hits no development milestones on time, let alone early.

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  4. #23
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    I suspect my SIL is inflating her sons height & weight when we talk on the phone because jasper was a BIG boy so hers has to be BIGGER.

    I had a reverse issue I guess with my mothers group with physical milestones. Jasper hit all his first (roll, crawl, pull up, cruise, walk) and it got to the point I was pretty much no allowed to mention anything about jasper and not allowed to be proud.

    But then jasper was slow to talk and when I expressed concern was told 'come on Rachel you've got to give us something!'

    It was never a competition for me though. And it wasn't even enjoyable! When all their babies were still sitting in a nice little circle and crawling around on picnic blankets jasper was running off across the park. It took until someone else's baby walked before they listened to my weekly 'can we meet at a fence park next week???'

  5. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Humphreyisapuppet View Post
    I have also found that these competitive mum's are not just competeing with their babies milestones but also with jobs, their babies clothing, nursery room set up, clenliness of their homes, cooking home made food everyday (packet baby food is a sin) ......they want to be the best at everything. Why!?

    The mum's in my group r returning to work and think they r doing it harder than SAHM's because they r juggling work/childcare/home duties/raising ther baby while going to ther jobs. I am so left out of their conversations.
    I am a SAHM and i hate the question "when are you going back to work?" "So what do you do?....SAHM.....ok, so where do you work?" arghhhh!!!!!
    I wonder if there is a bit of guilt that is making these women seemingly judge you for not working? I have been both a SAHM and a working mum (and will be working again come July), and I can honestly say that there are challenges and sacrifices made by both groups. I know personally that when I first went back to work I experienced guilt about not being with my DD, but then I also felt stressed at home due to lack of $$$.

    I also found that as my DD grew, the kind of support I needed from other mums changed too. I viewed mothers group as a torture to be endured, but when we moved to a new area, I found a playgroup full of a mix of working mums and SAHMs who I found to be far less judgemental of my children and I. Sometimes a change is as good as a holiday! I still see some of the families DD was "born" with, but since it is less often, their input is less important to me.

    P.S SAHMs work their a$$es off and are so undervalued for so many reasons! Be proud of your job!

  6. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by risfaerie View Post
    I wonder if there is a bit of guilt that is making these women seemingly judge you for not working? I have been both a SAHM and a working mum (and will be working again come July), and I can honestly say that there are challenges and sacrifices made by both groups. I know personally that when I first went back to work I experienced guilt about not being with my DD, but then I also felt stressed at home due to lack of $$$.

    I also found that as my DD grew, the kind of support I needed from other mums changed too. I viewed mothers group as a torture to be endured, but when we moved to a new area, I found a playgroup full of a mix of working mums and SAHMs who I found to be far less judgemental of my children and I. Sometimes a change is as good as a holiday! I still see some of the families DD was "born" with, but since it is less often, their input is less important to me.

    P.S SAHMs work their a$$es off and are so undervalued for so many reasons! Be proud of your job!
    I guess it could work both ways. Some mums that have to go back to work probably don't want to but need to financially and do feel guilty for leaving their kids. Some mums may be stressed at home and wish they could go back to work. Who knows...

  7. #26
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    The boasting and blatant lies 'my 2mo is talking and crawling now' are insecurities and for me personally, the feeling others are being competitive when it wasn't as above was when I felt insecure about my sons development.

    I'll admit I felt really insecure reading the talking thread as DS still only has 4 words and he looks 3. So I get a lot of unwelcome (but most likely not unkind) comments on it.

    I've also been accused of lying about his weight, but he is exceptionally heavy for his age (as a PP knows, lol).

    I've read a lot into toddler development and it's not unusual, I've looked into our family histories and again it's not uncommon. So I've adopted the belief that age based milestones aren't that important and I'm trying to stick to it (but it's hard at times).

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  9. #27
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    I think there is a difference between bragging and being excited.
    When a parent tells me about their kids crawling, talk etc Im happy for them. Of course you will be excited.
    But it's the ones who say "oh my DD/DS did that 3 months before yours" , "oh really so he can't count yet, mine knew her times tables at 12 months"
    Thats what gets me. I love when people share their experiences but there is no need to end them with "oh too bad yours isnt doing it, he really should be by now"... Yep go jump! Why bring my kid into it.

  10. #28
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    BlissedOut, my DD is also very tall for her age (nearly 3), and she flat out refuses to toilet train. I often get comments from people who assume she is nearly 4! Even one of the new teachers at her preschool pulled me aside and said that most kids should be toilet trained by 3 1/2, I had to point out to her that she wasn't 3 til March.

  11. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    The boasting and blatant lies 'my 2mo is talking and crawling now' are insecurities and for me personally, the feeling others are being competitive when it wasn't as above was when I felt insecure about my sons development.

    I'll admit I felt really insecure reading the talking thread as DS still only has 4 words and he looks 3. So I get a lot of unwelcome (but most likely not unkind) comments on it.

    I've also been accused of lying about his weight, but he is exceptionally heavy for his age (as a PP knows, lol).

    I've read a lot into toddler development and it's not unusual, I've looked into our family histories and again it's not uncommon. So I've adopted the belief that age based milestones aren't that important and I'm trying to stick to it (but it's hard at times).
    I have a large child too and he's always getting put down because even though he's 6 months younger then his 2 cousins, he's larger so should be doing everything they are doing. DS is wearing size 4 and 18.9kgs at 27 months. I often get stopped in shopping centers and get asked if he's autistic because he doesn't speak and is still in nappies and they think he's over 4 yrs old. My SiL always makes the boys weights and heights in a competition and it annoys me

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    My DH family is like this to. My SIL 1st son and my 1st son are a month apart.

    Her son has completed every milestone on time or in advanced where as my son was late on everything.
    And didn't i hear it from my IL. They were compared on everything and it really upset me, being my first child I thought I was doing something wrong.

    ARGHHHHHHHHH.


 

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