sick of competitive mums

**Humphreyisapuppet** · 18-02-2012 14:07

Originally Posted by peasmum

It's hard to not sound like your bragging when talking of milestones. For new-ish patents, it's really exciting news to them. Also, talking about milestones etc could be the only thing they have in common with other new parents. It's not necessarily putting you down. I wouldn't expect everyone to listen to me talk about my sons new skills and not talk about their own.

(hope that didn't come put rude, it's not meant to at all)

....hi,not rude at all and i kinda have to agree with you here

**Maximum22** · 18-02-2012 14:30

My first son was slow I felt like everyone was bragging too my second son is ahead and now I see it's not bragging it's just talking about common interests - try not to take it to heart your baby is perfectly normal

**Guest1234** · 18-02-2012 14:46

See, I don't see it as competition as such, not initially. I guess when you tell another mum that your baby has started doing xyz, they try to relate with their own story. They may reply 'Oh yes, z started crawling at x age' and perhaps it twigged a bit of jealousy? You wouldn't feel the same if she responded with 'Oh, z hasn't started crawling yet' would you?

I have seen blatant competition though. I was due after another woman was, by 2 days. She turned it into some sort of competition and got downright nasty towards me when I gave birth before her. She was jealous, but I have no idea why? What's there to be jealous of?

**risfaerie** · 18-02-2012 15:04

I think that competitive mums are probably harder on themselves than the average person. I am competitive by nature, and I really have to stop and remind myself all the time that kids do things at different times, and that there is not just one kind of normal. I can say personally that I worry that I am failing my kids when people make comments like "oh, she isn't toilet trained YET?", Or strangers tell me my son (4 months) is fat.

That being said, I am not one to compete with other mothers in the "my child did this first" type of way. I tried Mothers Group and hated it for this very reason. I just beat myself up quietly in a corner while my DH tells me to get over myself!

**Humphreyisapuppet** · 18-02-2012 15:10

Originally Posted by risfaerie

I think that competitive mums are probably harder on themselves than the average person. I am competitive by nature, and I really have to stop and remind myself all the time that kids do things at different times, and that there is not just one kind of normal. I can say personally that I worry that I am failing my kids when people make comments like "oh, she isn't toilet trained YET?", Or strangers tell me my son (4 months) is fat.

That being said, I am not one to compete with other mothers in the "my child did this first" type of way. I tried Mothers Group and hated it for this very reason. I just beat myself up quietly in a corner while my DH tells me to get over myself!

.........

i bet you are doing a wonderful job with your children and not failing them at all.

**Kimberleygal1** · 18-02-2012 15:12

Originally Posted by Humphreyisapuppet

So, maybe it's just me but i am so sick of competitive mum's!
It's like its a rush to see who's baby can roll over first or sit up or crawl first.

My baby didnt roll over untill 6mths, she did not sit up untill 9mths and she only started crawling at 10.5mths. She only has 2 bottom teeth at 12mths. You know what? i dont care!!!!! she's STILL normal!!!!

While other mum's with younger babies feel the need to brag and go on and on about how many teeth they had at 4mths old.

If i make a big deal over my baby crawling, i find out that their (younger baby) has been crawling for a couple of mths now and is now standing. (Crawling is so 6mths ago , gosh) It's like they are always trying to get ahead of me and i feel i just cant win at times.........WTF??!!?! a baby's development is not a competition!!!! omg Im turning into a competitive mum as we speak!

its almost like they are rushing thru milestones to get to the next one before anyone else does.....so they can claim it. omg i am tradgic for thinking like this but i am just over these people!!!!!

Anyone feel like this at times???

Yep. This is why I have never been too involved with mothers group or playgroup. I didn't go at all with ds1 but have become a little involved with ds2 because I've been a sahm but I go back to work in a few weeks and sure as hell won't miss it!

**J,K&L'sMum** · 18-02-2012 15:14

Oh yes... My brother is competitive by nature, his bub is due in 4 weeks time so there will be 10 weeks between his and ours. I just know he'll be comparing...

*sigh*

**Humphreyisapuppet** · 18-02-2012 15:21

Originally Posted by Bell & Bug

See, I don't see it as competition as such, not initially. I guess when you tell another mum that your baby has started doing xyz, they try to relate with their own story. They may reply 'Oh yes, z started crawling at x age' and perhaps it twigged a bit of jealousy? You wouldn't feel the same if she responded with 'Oh, z hasn't started crawling yet' would you?

I have seen blatant competition though. I was due after another woman was, by 2 days. She turned it into some sort of competition and got downright nasty towards me when I gave birth before her. She was jealous, but I have no idea why? What's there to be jealous of?

......o wow i had a woman sort of like that. She was deffinately jealous from the time we announced our pregnancy. i was due 6 weeks before her and it's like she is constantly reminding me that her dd is 6weeks younger but doing everything, if not more than my dd is doing. Even compared our pregnant bellies telling me im so small ALL THE TIME. Our babies birth weight was 2oz appart lol

I know milestones are not a competition and we say these things to relate to eachother. i just cant help but feeling a little inferior because my dd takes her time in meeting milestones....or is lazy lol

**Humphreyisapuppet** · 18-02-2012 15:25

Originally Posted by Silverspoon

Oh yes... My brother is competitive by nature, his bub is due in 4 weeks time so there will be 10 weeks between his and ours. I just know he'll be comparing...

*sigh*

....oh no

makes me cringe at the thought. At least mother's groups you can run away from, but family......hrmmmm.......goodluck hang in there and be strong.

**Girl X** · 18-02-2012 15:27

I've found playgroup to be full of very lovely people, and have been lucky not to see any of the competitive behaviours there. Most of those sorts of things seem to have come through people I knew pre-DD.

I sometimes worry that people might think I am one of 'those' mums, as DD was early for all the milestones.

It's hard, as I feel like I sometimes can't say when she is doing something new for fear that someone might think that. And sometimes I get excited and talk about something funny she did/ said, and then realise that it is outside of the norm and it might look like I'm showing off.

Sometimes other people talk about how she is ahead on certain things, and I feel like I almost have to find something negative to say about her ("Yes, but she's not very good at blah blah blah yet...") or else play it down, as I'm paranoid about sounding like I'm bragging.

I definitely think that some incidents of 'competitive mum' syndrome might not be intended that way by the mum in question. I'm even paranoid that this post sounds like bragging now! Arghhhh....