My first son was slow I felt like everyone was bragging too my second son is ahead and now I see it's not bragging it's just talking about common interests - try not to take it to heart your baby is perfectly normal
= ME+ DH
See, I don't see it as competition as such, not initially. I guess when you tell another mum that your baby has started doing xyz, they try to relate with their own story. They may reply 'Oh yes, z started crawling at x age' and perhaps it twigged a bit of jealousy? You wouldn't feel the same if she responded with 'Oh, z hasn't started crawling yet' would you?
I have seen blatant competition though. I was due after another woman was, by 2 days. She turned it into some sort of competition and got downright nasty towards me when I gave birth before her. She was jealous, but I have no idea why? What's there to be jealous of?
I think that competitive mums are probably harder on themselves than the average person. I am competitive by nature, and I really have to stop and remind myself all the time that kids do things at different times, and that there is not just one kind of normal. I can say personally that I worry that I am failing my kids when people make comments like "oh, she isn't toilet trained YET?", Or strangers tell me my son (4 months) is fat.
That being said, I am not one to compete with other mothers in the "my child did this first" type of way. I tried Mothers Group and hated it for this very reason. I just beat myself up quietly in a corner while my DH tells me to get over myself!
We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of the dreams
Blessed with 2, hoping for 3. Back on the IVF train.
April 2007 - 11 eggs collected, 4 emby's, Fresh transfer BFN
August 2007 - FET BFP. April 2010 - 2 remaining embies didn't thaw,
July 2010 - 7 eggs collected, 2 emby's. Fresh transfer BFP
Sept 2012 - remaining emby didn't survive the thaw
Lucky last cycle early April before we get off this train once & for all
Oh yes... My brother is competitive by nature, his bub is due in 4 weeks time so there will be 10 weeks between his and ours. I just know he'll be comparing...
I know milestones are not a competition and we say these things to relate to eachother. i just cant help but feeling a little inferior because my dd takes her time in meeting milestones....or is lazy lol
I've found playgroup to be full of very lovely people, and have been lucky not to see any of the competitive behaviours there. Most of those sorts of things seem to have come through people I knew pre-DD.
I sometimes worry that people might think I am one of 'those' mums, as DD was early for all the milestones.
It's hard, as I feel like I sometimes can't say when she is doing something new for fear that someone might think that. And sometimes I get excited and talk about something funny she did/ said, and then realise that it is outside of the norm and it might look like I'm showing off.
Sometimes other people talk about how she is ahead on certain things, and I feel like I almost have to find something negative to say about her ("Yes, but she's not very good at blah blah blah yet...") or else play it down, as I'm paranoid about sounding like I'm bragging.
I definitely think that some incidents of 'competitive mum' syndrome might not be intended that way by the mum in question. I'm even paranoid that this post sounds like bragging now! Arghhhh....
DD 2010 and TTC#2 since early 2011 (Clomid, FSH + IUI, and IVF. M/C July 2012 at 8.5 weeks).
IVF miracle due June 2013
The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it.– Neil deGrasse Tyson