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  1. #1
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    Default Do you find a lack of tolerance?

    My ds has difficulty staying still, following instructions and gets easily distracted. He hasn't been put in any box yet so for the moment he is just different. He wanted to do soccer at school and we agreed and today I watched the man sit him out for 20min at a time (he's 5) while he taught the other kids the skills. When he tried the join back in again after the 20mins the man just pointed for him to go back and sit down. I spoke to the man at the end and he was offended when I suggested that ds' behaviour escalates when you sit him out and if he was able to give him a job to do it would be really helpful even if it was sorting the balls or something like that. He said that I should come next week so that I can look after him so he can concentrate on the rest of the kids.

    So my question is this. Do parents of children with special needs find it difficult to involve their kids in activities? Because my experiences so far have been that people are frustrated and would rather get rid of kids that are not the 'norm'.

  2. #2
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    Am I in the wrong section?

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    Hi Hedda - I haven't had any experience with this, but I just wanted to let you know how annoyed I am for you! Surely most 5 year old children find it difficult to concentrate ... he should at least get a chance to join in! Sounds like the 'coach' needs some coaching of his own!

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    Thanks! I was really sad about it and I don't want to excuse his behaviour but I could see that he was just trying to get rid of him.

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    I'm shocked that any person in a position like a coach would treat a child like that. I know it must be difficult but surely pairing him up with another child or even enlisting in your help to begin with with would be a benefit to your child. I would either speak to someone who is in a more superior position to the coach or change clubs!

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  7. #6
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    A friend said it should talk to the head office about it but I don't know. Am I expectating too much for a coach to be tolerant of my son when there is a group of children. I feel really lost about it because I know what he is like but he loves doing it and I feel like he should be able to participate but I got the impression that not how they work.

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    I don't think it is asking too much of the coach at all, it's their job and all children are different and some are more talented than others, an some are easier to teach than others. These are all factors that a coach has to deal with, he sounds like he is being lazy. I can be fairly confrontational a times so would be inclined to ask him straight out if he has an issue with coaching my child and make it clear if he continued to exclude him then the matter would be taken further.

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    Just curious as to what specific behaviour your son was exhibiting before the coach sat him out for 20 mins? 20 mins seems far too long in any case but I'd think 2mins might be fair enough if your DS (or anyone else, special needs or otherwise) was playing up to the point of disrupting the rest of the class. From the sounds of it though your DS wasn't even given the chance to try and join in which isn't acceptable at all

    If just general fidgeting and mild mucking around as most 5 year olds (including mine) are prone to do then I'd say the coach is failing to put appropriate techniques in place to keep all the kids involved and focused.

    Is this a professional coach who should know better or a volunteer parent coach? I know he didn't respond too well the last time you tried to talk but maybe if you could try and phone or see if he has free time before the next session he'll be a bit more receptive. Try and explain how much your son loves soccer and suggest some simple things that you think might help your son get the most out of the sessions while also minimising disruption to others.

    If the coach is unwilling to co-operate at all I would definietly take it further or find a more supportive club/coach - your son shouldn't have to miss out. Your DS sounds very similiar to a friends DS of the same age who can be very full on (has been diagnosed with high functioning autism) but still gets great enjoyment out of a range of extra curricular activities so it definitely can and should be encouraged.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cat13 View Post
    Just curious as to what specific behaviour your son was exhibiting before the coach sat him out for 20 mins? 20 mins seems far too long in any case but I'd think 2mins might be fair enough if your DS (or anyone else, special needs or otherwise) was playing up to the point of disrupting the rest of the class. From the sounds of it though your DS wasn't even given the chance to try and join in which isn't acceptable at all

    If just general fidgeting and mild mucking around as most 5 year olds (including mine) are prone to do then I'd say the coach is failing to put appropriate techniques in place to keep all the kids involved and focused.

    Is this a professional coach who should know better or a volunteer parent coach? I know he didn't respond too well the last time you tried to talk but maybe if you could try and phone or see if he has free time before the next session he'll be a bit more receptive. Try and explain how much your son loves soccer and suggest some simple things that you think might help your son get the most out of the sessions while also minimising disruption to others.

    If the coach is unwilling to co-operate at all I would definietly take it further or find a more supportive club/coach - your son shouldn't have to miss out. Your DS sounds very similiar to a friends DS of the same age who can be very full on (has been diagnosed with high functioning autism) but still gets great enjoyment out of a range of extra curricular activities so it definitely can and should be encouraged.
    He is a proper coach with from a club. I honestly didn't see what led up to ds being sent out. When I started watching he was sitting on a ball but he does lose focus easily so there was probably was more. Thinking about it after the fact I think the coach was defensive because he knew he's been spotted doing the wrong thing. We'll see how next week goes although I am not looking forward to it honestly. It's very hurtful sometimes, being a parent.


 

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