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  1. #11
    munchkin05's Avatar
    munchkin05 is offline just me, my boy and my baby bump
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    ds goes to his dads every second weekend and then on a wednesday night for dinner but he comes home everytime with attitude and is rude and just horriable.
    i tried sending him to his room etc nothing worked
    my step dad (who is really close to ds) sat him down and said that when his dads drops him off he needs to leave the ds that goes to his dads in his dads car and bring the ds that we know and love lots and lots to the front door
    it has worked heaps.. just last night he came home in the worst mood and all i had to say to him was what was it grandad said about when you come home from dads he said oh yeh i forgot walked to the front door and said mum im home and his whole attitude changed =)
    the hardest thing i find is that at dads there is no rules and he doesnt like to tell him off because "he doesnt seem him very often and wants to be the fun one "

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    My DS goes to his dad's each weekend- Fri to Sun one week; for 8 hours on the alternate Sunday. Last weekend he went for the day and OMG yesterday we didn't leave the house. Monday mornings we do swimming lessons- the only planned activity for the whole day and DS went into meltdown because he wanted to stay home. Also took him 90 minutes to settle off to sleep last night. Usually takes DS about 3 days to detox from whatever his father has given him to eat- that is on the occasion he does eat. Some weekends he goes on hunger strike and won't eat for 48 hrs that he's at his dad's. I can't win either way.

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    I have young step children who spent the weekend with us every fortnight for a year until we could see it was bad for them _ but we grown ups found it hard to tolerate the bad behaviour and disruption too. It was bad for my kids, the step kids, and the adults.

    I banned my kids from having sleepovers at their friends during school term because it's also too disruptive. They are teens.

    We believe in routines, and consistent, loving parenting.

    Maybe kids, little ones and teens, just can't handle that much change and variation in their lives.

    Please consider that it is not the fault of the other parent. For those who complain about the quality of parenting by the other parent, you must consider what sort of parenting is possible in a relationship based on 2 days out of 14.

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    "As for the parenting issues, it tends to be made all that more hard if there are no rules in the effort to be the fun parent."

    That's what I'm trying to get at, the relationship is more like being spoiled at grandparents or the childless aunt and uncle's. It is not a parenting relationship anymore. There's not the time or trust for discipline, the other parent has that authority, which I suppose is the downside of getting the 12 days a fortnight.

    I don't think that 'the fun parent' role is deliberately created by weekend access parents, it occurs by default 'cos that's all that's left.

    MY DH and I have talked long and hard about this, and I also have the wisdom of having been a single mum for 10 years with no father in contact. I used to think that there was nothing worse than my kids being fatherless. Now I see something completely different with what my DH is faced with and what his kids are faced with - two quite separate problems too.

    No easy answers here.

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    They don't go to their dad's anymore but when they did they were grumpy or whatever. I let it go for a few days and they were back to normal. They now go to their aunty's and uncle's about every second weekend instead and they aren't as bad. I think it might have been the enviromnent (with their father) they were in.

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    Yes, that's a good way of testing who or what might be causing the problem.

    My kids were always weepy and ratty after staying at my mother's, so we stopped those overnight visits.


 

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