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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uh-Oh View Post
    Hi,

    DS is 18months and is in the toddler room at his CC, his room has 12 kids up to 24months, hes probably about one of the youngest and smallest in stature/height.

    Twice in the last two weeks I have witnessed a little boy poke/push and put DS in a headlock. This little boy is the oldest, and biggest in the room and very lively! The first time a carer was right beside me and responded immediately to the situation (I actually thought they were hugging lol!) and this morning (the 2nd time) I was the only 'adult' around. Last week DS had a bump on his eye that a carer didnt witness so were unsure how it happened. It wasnt bad, and to tell the truth my DS is a clumsy little monkey and there is a high chance he tripped over his own feet! I dont want to assume this little boy has hurt DS, but this morning after seeing my poor DS getting poked and pushed and a toy snatched away from him and how timid and scared my normally quite happy and loud DS is. I just feel that this kind of behaviour may be happening all thru the day.

    I just want to say that I love DSs childcare and carers and he loves being at daycare, but I'd like to raise it with the carers in a way that doesnt accuse them of not knowing or tackling the issue because I really dont know if maybe they are aware and they are responding to the other childs behaviour during the day and I've never had any issues with them before. The other thing is, I think, this little boy is only at daycare 1 or max. 2 days a week.

    So, my questions is. How would you raise it?

    Sorry your DS was being hurt at child care (I usually don't agree with the term 'bullying' when referring to toddlers, but perhaps by putting it in 'inverted commas' you feel the same - I would say another child hurt or was rough toward your child, not that he was bullying him )

    I agree that you should approach the room leader, I would speak to them before a director, as they are the one who is with your child each day & knows what is going on. The director is a good resource to go to if there is a problem that the room leader is not being helpful with or is not able to resolve on their own, but I would always see the room leader first.

    I would just approach it in a casual, non-accusatory way. "Hey, just wondering, do you think that there is an issue between my child and .....? What interaction have you noticed happening between them throughout the day?" Then you give the staff member the opportunity to say "oh yeah, .... is being quite rough, this is what we are doing about it", or whatever. You could then say, "I just noticed the other day, ..... was hurting my child, and I wasn't sure if it is an ongoing problem - do you mind just keeping me updated on how things are going so I know not to be worried?" Sometimes I think child care workers can take it personally, like they feel like the parent is blaming them for the other child's behaviour, so if you ask them their opinion on the matter and THEN give your opinion in a nice way, hopefully it won't feel like a confrontation for either of you. I hope it goes well!

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Regina Phalange View Post
    Sorry your DS was being hurt at child care (I usually don't agree with the term 'bullying' when referring to toddlers, but perhaps by putting it in 'inverted commas' you feel the same - I would say another child hurt or was rough toward your child, not that he was bullying him )I agree that you should approach the room leader, I would speak to them before a director, as they are the one who is with your child each day & knows what is going on. The director is a good resource to go to if there is a problem that the room leader is not being helpful with or is not able to resolve on their own, but I would always see the room leader first.I would just approach it in a casual, non-accusatory way. "Hey, just wondering, do you think that there is an issue between my child and .....? What interaction have you noticed happening between them throughout the day?" Then you give the staff member the opportunity to say "oh yeah, .... is being quite rough, this is what we are doing about it", or whatever. You could then say, "I just noticed the other day, ..... was hurting my child, and I wasn't sure if it is an ongoing problem - do you mind just keeping me updated on how things are going so I know not to be worried?" Sometimes I think child care workers can take it personally, like they feel like the parent is blaming them for the other child's behaviour, so if you ask them their opinion on the matter and THEN give your opinion in a nice way, hopefully it won't feel like a confrontation for either of you. I hope it goes well!
    Thank you, your very right. I dont want them to take it personally especially because we have such a good repoire. And yes, 'bullying' is not the right term at all, but the one that came first to mind and is the reason I have it inverted commas. I dont believe the little boy is a bully hes just older, and more advanced both mentally and physically. Although I do believe its a little bit more than just 'hes got the toy I want so I'll snatch it' which I have witnessed often in the toddler room and never bothered about. I am hoping the carer that I have the best relationship with is there this arvo, she was there and intervened with the first incident (the headlock!), and I like the way you have mentioned in bringing it up. Its a lot more subtle than coming straight out with it!
    Last edited by Uh-Oh; 14-02-2012 at 15:15.

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  4. #13
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    I witnessed my daughter being bullied- but the worst for it wasnt the kids, it was PARENTS. One lady did it right in front of me, the group learder and the assistant- and every single preschooler (she called my daughter fat then continued to make snide remarks). At the time I was in shock, and so were the daycare ladies... but that afternoon when I had processed it.... Oh my! i spoke to the group leader about it who had dealt with it in class (started a anti-bullying program in the room and also healthy body image program starting that day), plus she advised me to make a formal complaint against the woman. The woman never apologised. But the daycare must have done/said something because a few weeks later I walked in to drop DD off, this woman had already dropped her daughter off and was talking to another parent in the room. The second I walked in, she called her daughter over, grabbed the daughters bag and promptly left the centre. She returned as I was walking out the gate.


    My daughter is big, no denying that. So she is and always has been an easy target for bullies. Thankfully most kids have been great and its a non-issue (as it should be), but there are the odd few that pick on her. We have always encouraged her to be happy with her body, and now (she is 4.5) if someone calls her fat she comes back with "No I'm not, Im beautiful". She is comfortable in her skin and knows that we all come in different shapes and sizes. Daycare (she has now started at a new centre) is aware of her history of being bullied, and have always been quick to act.

    My advise would be bring it up with the group leader and if possible the director.

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    Hi all,

    Thank you for your great advice.

    I spoke to two of the carers when I went in on Tuesday (the afternoon after the 2nd incident). I was there for about 20mins having a general chat about everything (turns out both relocated from the same area in Sydney we moved from 6 months ago! Small world). Anyway, it was a perfect opportunity to raise it without having to initiate a conversation about it straight off.

    Turns out they are very aware of it, and have put in place a plan/system/techniques that he understands when he does do something wrong. I’m also very grateful I didn’t say something the morning of the incident as it turns out it is another one of the carers little boy, who was one of the two carers supervising in another area on that morning (that carer isn’t in DSs room though). I would hated to have raised it, not knowing it was her little boy, and for her to be hurt or upset but something I insinuated. I'm also glad I didnt email the director directly, after speaking to the room and knowing they are completely aware of it and doing something about it I would hated to have emailed the director and for it to come back to them thinking I didnt trust them or didnt think I could speak to them.

    I am happy with how they are dealing with it, and was very reassured.

    I think I will find raising any problems I have in the future much easier, with the team of carers DS has now… but then have to go thru it all when he goes into the kindy room! Thank god that’s in 18months, hopefully the current carers will have moved up there too!
    Last edited by Uh-Oh; 17-02-2012 at 11:55.

  7. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uh-Oh View Post
    Hi all,

    Thank you for your great advice.

    I spoke to two of the carers when I went in on Tuesday (the afternoon after the 2nd incident). I was there for about 20mins having a general chat about everything (turns out both relocated from the same area in Sydney we moved from 6 months ago! Small world). Anyway, it was a perfect opportunity to raise it without having to initiate a conversation about it straight off.

    Turns out they are very aware of it, and have put in place a plan/system/techniques that he understands when he does do something wrong. I’m also very grateful I didn’t say something the morning of the incident as it turns out it is another one of the carers little boy, who was one of the two carers supervising in another area on that morning (that carer isn’t in DSs room though). I would hated to have raised it, not knowing it was her little boy, and for her to be hurt or upset but something I insinuated. I'm also glad I didnt email the director directly, after speaking to the room and knowing they are completely aware of it and doing something about it I would hated to have emailed the director and for it to come back to them thinking I didnt trust them or didnt think I could speak to them.

    I am happy with how they are dealing with it, and was very reassured.

    I think I will find raising any problems I have in the future much easier, with the team of carers DS has now… but then have to go thru it all when he goes into the kindy room! Thank god that’s in 18months, hopefully the current carers will have moved up there too!

    That's great news just wanted to say, don't worry about the kid's mum, she would know what he's like and probably wouldn't mind you saying something about it, especially as you were really diplomatic about it. My DS was very much the King Kong Kid in his last room, I think his main issue was that he didn't really realise the smaller kids were people too, more like animals (gosh that sounds awful, but because they are smaller and can't really communicate the way older kids/adults do), so he would push them, wrestle them, etc. one thing the carers at his CC did was to give him dolls to play with and roll play being careful with "babies". He's heaps better now, understands that "babies" (ie anyone smaller than him) are delicate and you have to be gentle with them. He also benefitted heaps from being sent out to play in the big yard with the big kids in the afternoons where he could rough and tumble to his heart's content.

    Anyway sounds like you have a great centre, lucky you!


 

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