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  1. #1
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    Default Witnessing your child being 'bullied' at daycare

    Hi,

    DS is 18months and is in the toddler room at his CC, his room has 12 kids up to 24months, hes probably about one of the youngest and smallest in stature/height.

    Twice in the last two weeks I have witnessed a little boy poke/push and put DS in a headlock. This little boy is the oldest, and biggest in the room and very lively! The first time a carer was right beside me and responded immediately to the situation (I actually thought they were hugging lol!) and this morning (the 2nd time) I was the only 'adult' around. Last week DS had a bump on his eye that a carer didnt witness so were unsure how it happened. It wasnt bad, and to tell the truth my DS is a clumsy little monkey and there is a high chance he tripped over his own feet! I dont want to assume this little boy has hurt DS, but this morning after seeing my poor DS getting poked and pushed and a toy snatched away from him and how timid and scared my normally quite happy and loud DS is. I just feel that this kind of behaviour may be happening all thru the day.

    I just want to say that I love DSs childcare and carers and he loves being at daycare, but I'd like to raise it with the carers in a way that doesnt accuse them of not knowing or tackling the issue because I really dont know if maybe they are aware and they are responding to the other childs behaviour during the day and I've never had any issues with them before. The other thing is, I think, this little boy is only at daycare 1 or max. 2 days a week.

    So, my questions is. How would you raise it?
    Last edited by Uh-Oh; 14-02-2012 at 12:35.

  2. #2
    GluttonForPunishment's Avatar
    GluttonForPunishment is offline Bubhub Award Winner - 2011- Most Optimistic Poster and Newbie of the Year Awards
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    I'm not making any comment on this but am subscribing. I only have seen one of my DD's get bullied and ... I ... um ... handled it poorly let's say. Though, the boy who was doing the bullying I doubt will bully again in a hurry!

    Bad GFP.


    You'll have to excuse the iPhone auto correct. It sax!

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  4. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by GluttonForPunishment View Post
    I'm not making any comment on this but am subscribing. I only have seen one of my DD's get bullied and ... I ... um ... handled it poorly let's say. Though, the boy who was doing the bullying I doubt will bully again in a hurry!

    Bad GFP.


    You'll have to excuse the iPhone auto correct. It sax!
    My DH used some colourful language when I told him! I was more taken aback than anything, I did hang around for 5-10mins more than normal though to make sure DS was ok!

  5. #4
    GluttonForPunishment's Avatar
    GluttonForPunishment is offline Bubhub Award Winner - 2011- Most Optimistic Poster and Newbie of the Year Awards
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    Lol. It's what us males do - get all protective and stuff! Brain ceases to function and protective instinct sets in!


    You'll have to excuse the iPhone auto correct. It sax!

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    I'd go up to the room leaders and say you understand there's a lot of kids to watch so incidents may go unnoticed because of something else and then tell them what you saw. Also tell the manager of the centre and when you pick your child up ask if there were any incidents.

    I've found that being forward and letting them know you get that kids are kids but you won't have your little one bullied and follow up on it that they keep a better eye out. You may be drawing their attention to something they haven't seen.

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  8. #6
    sweetsugardumplin''s Avatar
    sweetsugardumplin' is offline be the change you want to see in da world
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    The most important thing you can do, is bring your concerns to the attention of the room leader and management. The behaviour (and motivation/intention) of children this age, is very different to the behaviour that would be typically labelled as bullying for older children (love the fact that you used `bullied' with the commas)

    The early childhood environment lends itself to a lot of undesirable behaviours....because you have a lot of children (majority egocentric) competing for everything: toys, food, attention etc...... So there will always be some argy bargy, and it can often be the younger/smaller children who are hurt/pushed out of the way/ etc...

    Talk to the adults who care for your child

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    Quote Originally Posted by sweetsugardumplin' View Post
    The most important thing you can do, is bring your concerns to the attention of the room leader and management. The behaviour (and motivation/intention) of children this age, is very different to the behaviour that would be typically labelled as bullying for older children (love the fact that you used `bullied' with the commas)

    The early childhood environment lends itself to a lot of undesirable behaviours....because you have a lot of children (majority egocentric) competing for everything: toys, food, attention etc...... So there will always be some argy bargy, and it can often be the younger/smaller children who are hurt/pushed out of the way/ etc...

    Talk to the adults who care for your child
    This is what I want to convey to them, I understand that there is going to be some rough & tumble especially with the little boys and the age group I just want to ensure that my DS isnt being targetted (for lack of a better word!) by this little boy. The little boy is honestly a sweet natured little kid, and after pushing my DS out of the way immediately brought a book to me read so I know there isnt an malicious or real 'anger' towards DS but I dont want it to get out of hand. And one day for DS to be pushed where there isnt a comfortable landing or fall into something etc.

    Is this something I can address as I pickup/drop off DS. Generally one of the main cere and/or the group leader is there or should I organise an 'interview'.

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    So this is not quite the same, but here is how i approached the child care centre when a mother told her son infront of me that if anyone bit him to hit them as hard as he can and then kick them.

    I made myself wait for 1/2 a day to calm down a little. I am a very emotional person and didnt want to cause a scene at the centre then and there.

    Once i had calmed down i wrote the cc an email and sent it to them:

    Good Morning ********,

    Something happened this morning when I dropped ***** at childcare that has upset me and has me very concerned. *****’s (Spelling) mum asked The carer for the Biting Policy, she said there wasn’t one but she would check with you. His mum said ***** had been bitten too many times.

    Now, I know that my daughter has a history with this. One that her father and I are working really hard at stopping. However, I was standing at my car and *****’s mum was walking out the door. She yelled out “If anyone bites you HIT THEM and KICK THEM AS HARD AS YOU CAN” and held her fists up.

    I am sorry but any Parent who teaches their children to hit other children on Purpose has rocks in their head. All the kids at childcare are at different learning levels. If my Daughter bites some one and they bite her back – that’s fine (it has happened before) hopefully it will stop her. But, if I find out that My daughter has been clocked by a kid because their parent told them that was what you had to do, I will not be happy.

    You have a lot smaller kids at childcare, what if he does it to one of them?

    Anyway, maybe I am making something out of nothing but it did upset me quite a bit this morning.

    Thanks


    The director made a point to be free when i arrived that afternoon and showed me what she had implemented, that she had spoken to the parent and the staff. She followed this up to me with an email and also included a section on biting in that months news letter.

    I have found that as long as you are resonable (which it sounds like you are) and you approach the centre calmly and appropriately, they will do everything they can to rectify your concern.

    Good Luck, i would love to hear how you went!

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    Quote Originally Posted by bpac View Post
    The director made a point to be free when i arrived that afternoon and showed me what she had implemented, that she had spoken to the parent and the staff. She followed this up to me with an email and also included a section on biting in that months news letter.I have found that as long as you are resonable (which it sounds like you are) and you approach the centre calmly and appropriately, they will do everything they can to rectify your concern.Good Luck, i would love to hear how you went!
    Thank you, unfortunately our director has only just moved on (sadly, as she was amazing and very approachable) and a new director hasnt started, a temp one is in place but to tell the truth I dont even know her name! I think I might approach the Group Leader this afternoon, or tomorrow morning with my concerns.Lol, I didnt realise this would all be so difficult so early, which is very much my fault as I hate confrontation, even things like this. I thought I had a good 4 years, when he starts school, before I had to worry about approaching/offending people about other kids behaviours, ahhh how niave I was!!!

  13. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Uh-Oh View Post
    Thank you, unfortunately our director has only just moved on (sadly, as she was amazing and very approachable) and a new director hasnt started, a temp one is in place but to tell the truth I dont even know her name! I think I might approach the Group Leader this afternoon, or tomorrow morning with my concerns.Lol, I didnt realise this would all be so difficult so early, which is very much my fault as I hate confrontation, even things like this. I thought I had a good 4 years, when he starts school, before I had to worry about approaching/offending people about other kids behaviours, ahhh how niave I was!!!
    I hate confrontation too. Thats why i took the chickens way out and sent an email. I found that it got to the right person (even with no director it should go to the senior staff member) it gave them time to work out what to do/how to do it. I also found because it was in writing it was addressed correctly.

    I have mentioned other things that concerned me ( i dont do this often ) to the person in charge when i have picked up or dropped off DD and i didnt feel like i got the same sort of response as i did in this case IYKWIM


 

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