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  1. #71
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    I was in the same position but I was 19/20, he wasnt allowed in my room at all or stay on couch and I wasn't allowed to stay at his house either (or anyone's house for that matter). He would stay over whenever my parents were away over night and I kept not coming home in the night at his house (that was 3blocks away). That started at 7months in and then 5months later I moved in with him. We have been together for almost 4 years, got engaged and now have a bub on the way.

    I can see how she would want to sleep with him, I hated going home in the night. With an ex I used to see him after work in the night then a few house later go home and it sort of felt like a booty call in a way cuz I couldn't sleep over. It doesn't feel right. But then again I couldn't stay at his either.

    And with my kids, they would have to be a long term partner. They can stay at their partners after 18. Partner can stay over after 17yrs as been together for 6 months but have door open. Its still wrong to have sex while parents in house I think..


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  2. #72
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    Yeah while you're in your parents house you should abide by their rules.
    I don't understand some parents... My brother in law (20) lives at home with his parents and his girlfriend lives with them. She's 18 next month. She has lived with them since she was 15... (same room and bed). She doesn't have a bad home life with her family so I dont know why they allowed it. Not getting involved :P

    I wouldn't allow my son to have girls stay over until he was 16 or 17 and I would make them sleep separately. I do think though that it they are going to DTD and there isn't anything I can do to change that then i would rather it be in a safe environment.

  3. #73
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    Yes definitely disrespectful.

    I moved in with my DF 2.5 years ago and we are expecting a child, however, when we are at my parents house we don't even bother to ask if we can share a bed because they have always been against it. All of us kids still have 'rooms' that were the rooms we had when we lived at home. So we go to our old rooms and mine still has a single bed with a trolley bed underneath. DF either sleeps there or on the couch.

    I'm guessing that once the baby is born things might be a little different, but we'll see? Worse case scenario I'll say something once we're married.
    I think people should always follow the household rules when at someones house regardless of who it is and your relationship with them.

  4. #74
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    I think both parties are being disrespectful.

    Your sister is being disrespectful by not respecting their wishes while in their house. Whether or not she agrees with them is irrelevant as it is their house.

    But if I was the sister I would also be offended that I was not being treated as an adult and my long term partner was being seen as 'just' a boyfriend as though we were teenagers. What if I chose to never get married? If we had kids, would we still be required to sleep apart? That seems ridiculous to me, and I would have felt my decisions were not being respected.

    Consequently, if I were your sister I'd choose to never stay the night.

    If it really bothers your parents that much they should lay down the rules and make it clear what their boundaries are- ie no sleep overs, no helping himself to food, requirement to help with housework and bills etc. If they don't do this, then perhaps its an annoyance to them but no more.

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  6. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by sloppykissesmonsterhugs View Post
    To those who abhor the 'my house my rules' philosophy, can I ask how you reach a conclusion in your house when you, as the parent, identify a rule that is important to you and your child disagrees with it?

    My parents have compromised on the 'sex under their roof' business in giving my sister and her boyfriend 'space' and spending time away from their home when he visits. To me this is fair on their behalf given their opinion on the matter.
    I haven't come to that yet, my son is only 2.5 so still does what I say! So I'm not speaking from experience, but if my child disagreed with a rule that was set in place for their own safety or because it's the law - then there is no compromise. This applies whether they are an infant, an adolescent or an adult. However, any other rule I definitely believe in compromise and discussion. I definitely don't believe that I have all the answers, and am completely prepared to learn from my children and their point of view.

    I don't know, it all seems so prudish. S3x is a normal, healthy thing. It's legal, and it's an important part of most loving, committed relationships. As long as they're not making noise who cares? I just don't get it. It's so bizarre to me that some people have to sleep in seperate bedrooms in a relative's home when they are grown ups.
    Last edited by grumpybump; 15-02-2012 at 10:33. Reason: unclear

  7. #76
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    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    I also don't understand why the 'sleepover' thing is an issue. It doesn't stop them from having sex before he leaves. It doesn't mean they won't have sex under their roof, or will have less sex than usual. I think it's a bit naive really.

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    From personal experience my DH moved in with me when I was 18, the circumstances in which he did so was because my parents didn't want me to move out and my DH had no where else to go (long story). At the time obviously we were not married, but we married 2 years later. Looking back on that now I believe we are lucky to have lasted. I was a very mature 18 year old, I had been with him for 2 years already but really should have gone against my parents wishes and moved out with my DH back then. We have now been together 10 years and married 5 but I know for a fact my inlaws would STILL not let us share a bed which i find absolutely ridiculous.

    I find it strange that you sister wouldn't just stay at her bf house, does he live a long way away from your parents and there is a big commute? Sorry i just don't get it. My sister does the same thing with her bf who owns his own home and she just says she feels more compfortable at home (mum's house) than at his. She says his is too messy etc., Is this the case for your sister? I think your parents need to sit down with both your sister and her bf and discuss the issues they have. Does he already know that your parents don't want him there? I can't imagine he would be compfotable staying over where he is not welcome. Your sister is an adult and I think your parents and you need to treat her as so. Some people choose to never get married so your parents can't begrudge them of that if that is there "rule" so to speak.

    I can't say at what age I would let my DD have a bf stay over because I don't know who she will grow up to be. It all depends on the individual and in my experience I was still treated like a child when i was an adult and it caused more problems that solved. This is a temporary situation so maybe your parents could just let it slide? Funny my parents moved in with us (hubby and I ) whilst there house was built and neither my parents or my hubby and I had much s3x in the 11 months thay lived with us lol. My parents treated me like a child when they lived under my roof too, I think i will always be there little girl.

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    I agree with Bada and missy mack.

    Would they still not allow once they have built that house and living together and need a night at your parents for what ever reason?

  10. #79
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    I think there's disrespect on all sides, and perhaps a lot of naivety too.

    So in all the years that she's lived under their roof, they've never had sex whilst she was there? Night time shenanigans weren't indulged in out of respect for the sleeping children in the same house who might feel uncomfortable if they knew that their parents were doing the bad thing not 20 meters away? I feel it's disrespectful to expect her to live up to a standard that they've imposed when they haven't lived up to it themselves.

    Their house, their rules... I guess I can understand and appreciate that to a degree. But their rules sound pretty "do as I say, not as I do" which doesn't sit well with me.
    I think boyfriend is being disrespectful if he's using the amenities like a god given right and not offering money or labor in the form of gardening/cleaning duties etc and showing his appreciation by voicing it regularly.

    But my biggest beef is this. What happens if they get married and have 2.5 kids and bring the kids to visit grandma and grandpa for a holiday. Do mummy and daddy have to sleep in separate beds? And if so, are grandma and grandpa going to go through the weirdness of explaining why mummy and daddy can't sleep in the same bed there? Not likely. If someone said to me that as a woman in my late 20s, I couldn't share a bed with my long term boyfriend I'd say "Fine. Give me a call when you can be bothered to acknowledge that I am now an adult who can make their own decisions". And they wouldn't see me again until that day.

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  12. #80
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    They can choose to go elsewhere and I believe they are ok with married couples sharing a room.


 

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