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  1. #61
    TimTamsandTea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    If she has her own room at the parents' place then I think in her late 20s she should be entitled to do whatever and have whoever she wants in there, provided no damage to the property is being done.

    It's not as if they are having sex on the kitchen bench in front of everyone

    I was allowed to have whoever I wanted and do whatever I wanted in my room. My parents, quite wisely, would prefer I was doing it somewhere I was safe.

    I will have the same approach for DD. Honestly, if she wants to sleep with boys when she is 14 then I would MUCH rather she do it where I know she is, where I can make sure she has a supply of condoms and that she feels she can have an open discussion with me about the consequences.


    Yeah see I guess I see the matter a little differently. My parents are conservative, not stupid. Of course they know and accept their adult children are sexually active. But for me, it's one thing to take advantage of the days and evenings they have the house to themselves while my parents are out and about, and it's another to rub their noses in the issue by sharing the same bed under their roof while they are at home.

  2. #62
    TimTamsandTea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Witwicky View Post
    I agree. I like to see a family home as more of a democratic environment, as opposed to a dictatorship. The whole 'rules under my roof' business is ridiculous, and it really minimises her role in the family. This is my viewpoint for any age, but given her age (late 20's!!) and the circumstances, I just think the whole thing is really OTT.

    Rightly or wrongly, my parents are uncomfortable with their children having sex in the house while they are in it. Do they not have the right to voice that discomfort? The idea that asking her to respect this rule somehow minimises her role in the family seems to be quite a dramatic conclusion.

  3. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by sloppykissesmonsterhugs View Post
    Rightly or wrongly, my parents are uncomfortable with their children having sex in the house while they are in it. .
    But is that the issue, or is it the fact that they are not married? Are you married ands are you allowed to share a bed with your husband in that house?

  4. #64
    TimTamsandTea's Avatar
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    To those who abhor the 'my house my rules' philosophy, can I ask how you reach a conclusion in your house when you, as the parent, identify a rule that is important to you and your child disagrees with it?

    My parents have compromised on the 'sex under their roof' business in giving my sister and her boyfriend 'space' and spending time away from their home when he visits. To me this is fair on their behalf given their opinion on the matter.

  5. #65
    TimTamsandTea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bada View Post
    But is that the issue, or is it the fact that they are not married? Are you married ands are you allowed to share a bed with your husband in that house?
    No, marriage is not the issue here.
    If we ever had to stay at my parent's house, I don't imagine they would object to us sharing a bed. Then again, we're on the wrong side of 35. We've been together for 13 years and can survive a stay at their house without sex. We'd also have to share the bed with two children and we're so visibly buggered that sex is quite obviously the furtherest thing from our minds!

  6. #66
    Witwicky's Avatar
    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    Quote Originally Posted by sloppykissesmonsterhugs View Post
    Rightly or wrongly, my parents are uncomfortable with their children having sex in the house while they are in it. Do they not have the right to voice that discomfort? The idea that asking her to respect this rule somehow minimises her role in the family seems to be quite a dramatic conclusion.
    Why are they uncomfortable with it, if you don't mind me asking? Is it because they are not married? Is it the age? In that case, would they still feel that way when she is 50? What do they think will happen if she has sex under their roof? I don't understand the big deal if they know she is obviously sexually active.


    Quote Originally Posted by sloppykissesmonsterhugs View Post
    To those who abhor the 'my house my rules' philosophy, can I ask how you reach a conclusion in your house when you, as the parent, identify a rule that is important to you and your child disagrees with it?

    My parents have compromised on the 'sex under their roof' business in giving my sister and her boyfriend 'space' and spending time away from their home when he visits. To me this is fair on their behalf given their opinion on the matter.
    Compromise.

    In this scenario, your parents haven't compromised. They are still stating that her bf should not stay the night, ever. She's in her late 20's - giving her and her bf space is something my parents used to do when I was 15. Does she get to close the door when he's over, or do they make her leave it open?

  7. #67
    Witwicky's Avatar
    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    Quote Originally Posted by sloppykissesmonsterhugs View Post
    No, marriage is not the issue here.
    If we ever had to stay at my parent's house, I don't imagine they would object to us sharing a bed. Then again, we're on the wrong side of 35. We've been together for 13 years and can survive a stay at their house without sex. We'd also have to share the bed with two children and we're so visibly buggered that sex is quite obviously the furtherest thing from our minds!
    So you are allowed to share a bed in their house because you're older? Is that right?

    When you mention that you can survive a stay without sex...how do your parents know that either you or your sister are having sex under their roof?

    I mean, they could just be cuddling...

  8. #68
    TimTamsandTea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Witwicky View Post
    Why are they uncomfortable with it, if you don't mind me asking? Is it because they are not married? Is it the age? In that case, would they still feel that way when she is 50? What do they think will happen if she has sex under their roof? I don't understand the big deal if they know she is obviously sexually active.

    It's a hard one to explain. Sex to them is private. It's not something you flaunt. Now to many people, flaunting your sexual relationship would be having loud sex in the kitchen during a dinner party. To my parents, flaunt means closed doors, the odd squeak of the mattress and the panicked 'hang on a minute, we'll be there in a second' when they knock on the door to announce breakfast.

    Would all this change if she had been with him for seven years instead of one-and-a-half? Maybe. Would they still feel this way if they were visiting with kids. I'm guessing yes.

    Compromise.

    In this scenario, your parents haven't compromised. They are still stating that her bf should not stay the night, ever. She's in her late 20's - giving her and her bf space is something my parents used to do when I was 15. Does she get to close the door when he's over, or do they make her leave it open?
    See, I think they have in that that give my sister and her boyfriend space in the house by going out. In one weekend, they'll go out to dinner, go shopping, see a movie, visit us and my sister and her boyfriend have that time together. It's an unspoken arrangement, but it gives them time as a couple nonethless.

  9. #69
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    Personally, I think there is several issues. Ok, the "rules" are known. Why spend so much time there? Were it me, I would simply chose to not stay there. In that scenario, I would put it back on them. "If you want us to stay the night, guess what mum and dad, I'm a big girl now." But that's not the case.

    Do I personally find mum and dad's opinion sheltered and outdated - definitely. The woman is in her late 20's for crying out loud. But at the same time, I find her and her bf's behavior baffling tbh.


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  11. #70
    TimTamsandTea's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Witwicky View Post
    So you are allowed to share a bed in their house because you're older? Is that right?

    When you mention that you can survive a stay without sex...how do your parents know that either you or your sister are having sex under their roof?

    I mean, they could just be cuddling...
    You're right, there is an assumption on their behalf. I agree that sleeping over does not equal sex. They are working on the the possibility of it all. For their own reasons, they don't like the possibility.


 

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