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  1. #51
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    I don't understand why they would let her do this? Sorry if I missed something, as I'm about to go out and haven't read all of the replies.

    My parents had the same rule, and there was no way I could have broken it - I would have been asked to find somewhere else to live, and they would have come knocking on the door asking the boyfriend to leave! Arghhh the embarrassment...

    So, yes I think it is disrespectful, but I think your parents are sending mixed messages if they are allowing it to happen.

    At this stage (DD is just a baby) my intention is not to let boyfriends stay over unless she was in a committed relationship (engaged/ married), but I'll reappraise nearer the time!

  2. #52
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    If she has her own room at the parents' place then I think in her late 20s she should be entitled to do whatever and have whoever she wants in there, provided no damage to the property is being done.

    It's not as if they are having sex on the kitchen bench in front of everyone

    I was allowed to have whoever I wanted and do whatever I wanted in my room. My parents, quite wisely, would prefer I was doing it somewhere I was safe.

    I will have the same approach for DD. Honestly, if she wants to sleep with boys when she is 14 then I would MUCH rather she do it where I know she is, where I can make sure she has a supply of condoms and that she feels she can have an open discussion with me about the consequences.

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  4. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by sloppykissesmonsterhugs View Post
    Ok.
    My sister still lives at home.
    She has a boyfriend. They are building a house together.
    They currently spend most weekends at my folk's house. They share the same bed when bf sleeps over.
    My parents are ultra conservative and do not approve of her sharing a bed with her bf under their roof.
    Bf has his own place and parents can't understand why, if they insist on having 'sleepovers', don't spend more time at his house. Neither do I.
    Sister is in her late 20's. She knows how the parents feel about this issue.

    I think that despite her age and commitment with her bf, she is wrong to share a bed with her bf at my folks house. Their house, their rules. That doesn't change with age.

    What do you think?

    While we're on the subject, what age do your think your children will be when you agree that they may share the bed with their boyfriend or girlfriend under your roof?
    No matter what age it IS disrespectful! especially because your parents stance w/ the issue and knowing they are quite conservative. She is not there for ever only until their house is built so in the mean time respect your parents!

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    TimTamsandTea  (14-02-2012)

  6. #54
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    I agree about the mixed messages. I'm in my 30s and would not think it's ok to have a bf in the room with me at my mum's house until such time as we are married or in a relationship where we were physically living together in a marriage like relationship. There is the option to not stay there if they don't like the rule. But your mother needs to either let it go or make them go elsewhere, enforcing the rule.

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    I've never agreed with the "my house, my rules" philosophy. It's a family, not a dictatorship. Whilst my children live in the house it is their house as well, no matter what age.

    I just don't see how it's any business of theirs at all if her boyfriend stays the night in her bedroom - I see it as her bedroom, not their house IYKWIM. She is an adult.

    The matter of the boyfriend mooching around when nobody is there and eating all the food without contributing is another matter entirely - now THAT I wouldn't be happy with! I also wouldn't be happy with my 28 yr old daughter living at home and not contributing financially and to the housework.

    AFM, I would let my child have a partner sleeping over from the age at which intercourse is legal. I would much rather my children do it at home where they are safe than in a car or park somewhere dodgy. If their partner was under 18 I would insist on speaking with his/her parents to make sure it's okay from their end.

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  9. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by bada View Post
    You know, I was just thinking of the same comparison this morning - so apt. I'm guessing most would be appalled by that, though expect that most would accept parents not allowing a same sex couple to sleep together in the home if it made the parents uncomfortable. All just reflections of where we are at, in terms of acceptance as a society, which quite frankly blows me away.



    OP it's not a matter of disciplining her, they just need to ask her to leave. If they don't, then it's clearly not that big a problem to them.



    The word discipline was a poor choice of word on my behalf. Asking someone to leave the house to me, is quite dramatic. To give a family their marching orders, the issue would have to be monumental, I imagine. This issue is obviously not, but that's not to say it doesn't bother them.

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    Agree with most other posts - disrespectful of your sister but your oldies probably need to have a word, too, especially if they have serious reasons why they object (like the damage to her soul ... okay, so I'm a pretty old fashioned Catholic lol!).

    But I'm gasping at the number of you guys who will consider sleepovers from 16! Yes, I know we may have been precocious at that age but my 16 yo (who admittedly comes from a very sheltered home) is still a child! She doesn't even drink yet, or have a boyfriend (I've got them convinced they can't have one till they finish Uni lol). There's no way I'd sanction her having some dude sleeping over for years! And then he'd be in her brothers' room!

  11. #58
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    I don't understand why your parents don't stop something they disapprove of from happening???

    Dh and I have discussed this issue, and we would much prefer our daughters to be having sex at home where they can be safe, on their "territory" and in more control of the situation. It sure beats the park or the back of a car like my friends and I. We haven't decided on an age, it will depend on the relationship, and their maturity level. Hopefully it doesn't come up until they are 25.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Alexander Beetle View Post
    At the end of the day the parents can kick her out. They haven't, so really, why do you care so much OP?
    I posted not because I was losing sleep over the matter, but just because I wanted to see whether or not my opinion on the subject was in line with others.

    I care because I don't like the tension this issue is creating between my mother and my sister in particular.

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    Quote Originally Posted by grumpybump View Post
    I've never agreed with the "my house, my rules" philosophy. It's a family, not a dictatorship. Whilst my children live in the house it is their house as well, no matter what age.

    I just don't see how it's any business of theirs at all if her boyfriend stays the night in her bedroom - I see it as her bedroom, not their house IYKWIM. She is an adult.

    The matter of the boyfriend mooching around when nobody is there and eating all the food without contributing is another matter entirely - now THAT I wouldn't be happy with! I also wouldn't be happy with my 28 yr old daughter living at home and not contributing financially and to the housework.

    AFM, I would let my child have a partner sleeping over from the age at which intercourse is legal. I would much rather my children do it at home where they are safe than in a car or park somewhere dodgy. If their partner was under 18 I would insist on speaking with his/her parents to make sure it's okay from their end.
    I agree. I like to see a family home as more of a democratic environment, as opposed to a dictatorship. The whole 'rules under my roof' business is ridiculous, and it really minimises her role in the family. This is my viewpoint for any age, but given her age (late 20's!!) and the circumstances, I just think the whole thing is really OTT.


 

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