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  1. #1
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    Default Grrrrrr husbands!

    My turn for a vent.....
    god I hate being married. I feel like all of a sudden I see him through new eyes. Maybe this happens to everyone when you have been married more than a decade. Maybe it's a midlife crisis. He is a sulky pushy angry man who has serious hate issues when it comes to women, I do not want to be in this relationship with him, but he says he loves being married and claims all the time that he loves me. I am obviously not bringing out the best in him, due to some of the terrible things he says and does. I know he could be happier with someone else, I just wish he could see it. I can't see any way of having a calm separation. I accept that the easiest thing is to stay another 8 years until the kids are grown up and therefore not having to live between 2houses, I just feel like its not fair to me or him to do that, he could be working at finding the right person while he is still young. I am starting to think that men and women just can't live together and get along..

  2. #2
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    Just realized how sulky that post sounded! I will just jump the gun by saying I do not feel that I am depressed, I am happy with most aspects of my life excluding my husband.

  3. #3
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    is it possible he is depressed?

    Have you consider counseling?

  4. #4
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    my parents stayed together for 13yrs before they got a divorce and i still now wish they'd separated LONG before then.
    Kids pick up on their parents feelings-as much as u think u may be hiding them.
    There is probably a lot of tension or lack of communication too (i assume)??

    It's by no means easy to separate, or have the kids go through a divorce/have shared custody. But in the long term, i'd rather parents do what's honest and real, than continue a lie for xxxx amount of years.

    While they mightn't understand what's going on, if there is no love/communication in your relationship then you're only hurting everyone in the family.

    Have you tried any counselling at all?

  5. #5
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    It may be depression in him, the line of work he isin it is very common, only his behaviour has always been like this, I just am seeing it for how it really is, if that makes sense. Itbis hard to imagine having the kids grow up in a separated family, as my parents are still together. Hubby's parents divorced when he was little and he has sooooo much bitterness about it, I am terrified it will do that to my kids. My oldest is extremely anxious, I know she feels the tension in the house, and she is the one that has copped his angry side at times. The kids do like spending time with their dad though, and I don't want to take that opportunity away from them ,I think that is where hubby's bitterness comes from, not being able to see his dad...

  6. #6
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    Trentsmummy, we haven't been to counseling together. I have seen a psychologist over the years, I have nobody else to talk to and his response is 'talk to someone else, I don't want to hear your women's theatre', so I went to one for a few sessions after some family tragedies a few years ago. I would do counseling, but not to try to mend things with him, I honestly don't think he'd go.

  7. #7
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    personally i know i had a better relationship with my dad AFTER my mum and him separated.
    He actually made time for me, instead of just throwing me money or buying me anything and everything to make up for him always working.
    as long as u keep reminding your kids that its not their fault ur separating-and speak to them regularly about how they're feeling about it all. Some parents dont talk to their kids about it, and the kids are told to just accept it, and then most of them blame themselves.

  8. #8
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    I dont have much advice other than ,
    I hope you can work something out, and as pp have said i think as hard as it might be, sometimes its easier to have happy parents that live apart rather than sad ones that live togther!
    only you can make that decision

  9. #9
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    Yeah, and if it was a friend asking for advice I'd be the first to say 'leave, don't put up with someone who is that selfish'. I know I'm not the first person to ever be unhappy in their marriage. I'm starting to understand why people suggest not to get married when you are a teenager. I am amazed that to other people our marriage seems perfect, when it couldn't be more dysfunctional. I know how much happier I'll be on my own, I've always been on my own even though I've been married if that makes sense. He has never been on his own, barely copes with me doin heaps for him so it concerns me. I'm not looking to be a bisch and destroy his life, but I know that's not how he'll see it. When our house finally is sold I'm prepared to leave with my car full of belongings and my kids, that's it!


 

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