feeling like im going crazy

**sahm44** · 13-02-2012 11:04

I love my kids with all my heart and I feel like that should be enough to keep me going and stop me being so stressed out but for some reason it's not. I sometimes feel like I'm a bad mother because I get so frustrated when I can't get them to settle down. I have become a little obsessive over my housework and feel that my house must be tidy all the time and when it isn't, it makes me feel like I'm not doing enough even when I burn myself out (which happens a lot). I miss my husband who works almost all the time and I feel like our marriage has taken a bit of a beating and needs some attention and my friends have virtually disappeared since having kids. I only really see them when I lug half my house over to them which in itself is exhausting. This place is so lonely and depressing which I think may be why I don't have a lot of patience with my children which in turn is making me doubt my abilities as their parent. One goes to daycare twice a week and on those days I struggle to take that time for myself, instead cleaning the house like a mad woman and when I do sit, I stew over not having any company. I'm so confused and my mind is so messy, I can't make sense of anything I am feeling and can't clearly see what I am meant to do. Please help...

**UmmInayah** · 13-02-2012 11:53

I could have written your post myself. I have found that goin out first thing in the morning and coming home for lunch has helped with the housework issue. If we aren't home, it doesn't get messy. I take some fruit and drink bottles in the car and after I have dropped my eldest to prep, we go to the park, or the indoor play area at the shops, or just walk around the shops lol. Once in a whole I go to an indoor play centre where you pay for your child to play, but I don't do that often.

Do you have any family members who can look after your children once in a while so that you and your dh can go out? Even if you put them to bed yourself and just have someone sit at your home and be there while they sleep?

it's hard, isn't it?

Do you go for playgroups? Maybe meet some new friends, other parents?

**Gothel** · 13-02-2012 12:11

on phone but subscribing to reply on pc later. For now here's some

i totally relate to what you say

**sahm44** · 13-02-2012 12:13

my eldest is three and he goes to daycare twice a week (perfect angel there but comes home and loses the halo) and my youngest is ten weeks so a little early for that yet. we have my husbands mum who can occasionally sit with them but unfortunately it means that she is stuck here until midnight when her husband finishes work so that can be difficult to get enough sleep for the following day. otherwise, I have just started making a couple of new friends and i think we are still at the stage where we are getting to know eachother so asking for help is a bit hard. I have taken the littlies for a walk to the milkbar and let my oldest buy something but to actually go anywhere is so exhausting and i have to make sure i have somewhere to heat up a bottle and keep it cold while we are out, plus carrying everything around, it seems virtually impossible. I literally avoid shops and supermarkets when it's just us. i feel like I'm kind of making excuses but at the end of the day i think i would prefer to stay away from being so tired, otherwise the nightly duties become painful. this is why it seems so much easier to be home but at the same time, really hard too. i really confuse myself sometimes

**sjay** · 13-02-2012 12:15

is there any chance of catching up with people you know or a playgroup or a mothers group in your area?
maybe if you could have a definite playdate scheduled in, even if it is just once a fortnight, it might help?

**sahm44** · 13-02-2012 12:29

i have been trying to do something like that, but most of the people i know aren't parents and not that i am discriminating because i wouldn't do that but they really don't get how exhausting it is to drag a thousand bags around as well as two kids plus try and make sure you've remembered to take everything. a few weeks ago i went to a friends house after a long time of saying I really can't be going over there all the time because of how tiring it is and it wasn't being understood. when i got there, I had my oldest cracking up about wanting to stay in the car, my baby screaming because he was hungry, three heavy bags to get out plus toys. My friends eyebrows raised in shock at the level of truth of what I had previously said. hasn't stopped me having to go there all the time but at least they can finally see it. i think that's what gets me down the most...noone wants to make it easy for me for a change and if i want any sort of social interaction i have to pretend im superwoman in order to achieve it and then come home and spend an hour unpacking and changing etc.
then once that is done, i don't really have anymore energy to finish the day so i can finally sit down with my man who would have to be up and out of the house by 5 am and not home til dinner time. lots of little niggles here

**sjay** · 13-02-2012 12:36

I can see what you mean, and I think it's definitely hard for people without kids to have any idea on how hard it actually is to get organised to leave the house, even if its out to the shops for 10 minutes.

I remember before I had DS I never understood, and I had that mentality of "my kids will fit into my lifestyle not the other way around", then I had my son and hello reality!

sorry I don't have any real advice, just more

and maybe ask them to come to you?

**UmmInayah** · 13-02-2012 12:42

I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time

I have a 3 year old (just turned 3) and a 10 week old as well! So I do totally get what you mean.

If you're in Brisbane, a friend of mine was telling me about a playgroup they have where you can just sit and have a coffee with parents while the children play in a huge play area with toys etc.

**sahm44** · 13-02-2012 12:43

i have explained this to them and virtually begged for them to come ten minutes down the road but they cant see why i am pushing for it. i even said that during the day, this place is empty and cold...room only for a frustrated and lonely me and two kids who are generally happy but doing their own thing unless they want something and that makes me feel bitter and angry a lot of the time which in turn causes me to feel a bit jealous that my husband gets to go to work (i know that sounds selfish) but he can at least have a break from the kids and when he finishes, he can leave work whereas i never leave work so having someone pop in for a cuppa is like a justification to ease up on the housework and have a "break". thanks heaps for replying, it definitely helps to just vent if nothing else

**sahm44** · 13-02-2012 12:45

Originally Posted by UmmInayah

I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time

I have a 3 year old (just turned 3) and a 10 week old as well! So I do totally get what you mean.

If you're in Brisbane, a friend of mine was telling me about a playgroup they have where you can just sit and have a coffee with parents while the children play in a huge play area with toys etc.

im in vic

:O wow, my three yr old is to be 3 this week! we are pretty much same timing. how are you going with adjusting to having a second while probably still being driven crazy by the first?