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  1. #21
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    I couldn't read and not reply. A restraining order sounds like a really good idea. How horrible that somebody could treat you like that. I hope the order keeps him out of your life so you can move on and find the happiness you deserve

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  3. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by singlemumma82 View Post
    Thanks guys, wow Vik, that's horrible I'm so sorry, but then as you've said, they have definitely done us a favour. It's just knowing that if he had let me help him, it may not of got to his, maybe eventually he would of loved me, you know the feeling I'm sure, but now, knowing he did this to me, I feel so used and stupid, there is no way I would go back even if he did get the help he so desperately needs.
    Yeah, it's hard when they shut you out, but that's usually part of their problem. Until they want help there is not a thing you can do (except look after yourself) and even when they do it can be so hard to get the right balance. You have a dd, thank god you don't have to go on that journey with him, mine was years of hell. His friends and family don't care because they can't see the extent nor does it effect them the way it does a lover at this stage. End of the day, they are the only ones who can help themselves, no dr or pill will work unless they are willing.

    And it's futile thinking that if they got the help they need or you gave a little more that they would love you or appreciate you as in my experience it was an inability to feel gratitude that was also part of their problem.

    But none of that should matter now because what matters most is you. You have to remember your value even when you feel so used.

    Stay strong xx

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    laurea  (13-02-2012)

  5. #23
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    Vik once again you've hit the nail on the head.

    It's sad cause I did start picking up that e actually had all the diagnosable symptoms for Aspergers and when I actually brought this up with him he obviously retaliated. However he is not able to see how he has done anything wrong, and that's what does make it hard, he is not healthy, and although he has done all this to me can I really be responsible for him losing it all as well?

    I can't do it, I've woken up numb, I don't have any more fight left and I can't go destroy the man I loved so much despite him no longer being the man I thought I knew.

    Then I'm also scared of will he stop if I do nothing? But then if I do, I don't want to think how he will retaliate in his current state.

    It's a catch 22, but I am going to the doctors and am going to start counselling again to try and get through this without stooping to his level.

  6. #24
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    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    i am responding so I can suscribe - I will come back and post later once I have had a chance to read through your post properly.

    Just briefly I agree with the poster who said get a restraining order first and foremost.

    In a previous life myself and my ex partner where addicted to ICE, its a very ugly drug and lifestyle. Again I will come back and post when I have time.

    None of this has anythign to do with you and is all about him. Stay safe and protected

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    laurea  (13-02-2012),singlemumma82  (13-02-2012)

  8. #25
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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    Are you not concerned for your safety? A meth addict who has stopped his legal prescribed medication, is not something you should take a chance on. Go to the police. You wont forgive yourself if he goes manic and comes after you or your daughter.

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  10. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiamondEyes View Post
    Are you not concerned for your safety? A meth addict who has stopped his legal prescribed medication, is not something you should take a chance on. Go to the police. You wont forgive yourself if he goes manic and comes after you or your daughter.
    I'm more concerned of what he will do if I DO do something though, I spoke about all this with my housemate last night and she agrees (she has also known him as long as me and witnessed everything that has gone on). We have thought so hard about everything and he is the sort to retaliate more if I get the law involved

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    I'm sorry you've woken up so numb, but all of these feelings are to be expected in such a situation.

    I think it's really important you go to the police - you have a dd to protect as well as yourself. Take a friend with you if you need.

    You cannot help someone that will not help themselves.

    My ex was also a drug addict, I knew he used occasionally but never realized how bad it was. When I discovered it and confronted him, he went nuts. I left and thought that was it. He showed up at my unit, yelled at me, pushed me down, hit my head on a table while yelling over me he was going to kill me. If my neighbors hadn't come out to see what was going on he probably would have. I packed my things and left. I didn't want him knowing where I lived (especially after discovering just how violent his past really was).

    Please, please go to the police.

    Take time and go easy on yourself. None of this is your fault. Seeing a doctor and counsellor is a good idea.

    I wish you strength and courage on this journey. You can do it.






    Mummy & Daddy - expanding our family! Our little man born April 2011 and now expecting another munchkin in August 2012! Loving it!!!!!

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    singlemumma82  (13-02-2012)

  13. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by singlemumma82 View Post
    I'm more concerned of what he will do if I DO do something though, I spoke about all this with my housemate last night and she agrees (she has also known him as long as me and witnessed everything that has gone on). We have thought so hard about everything and he is the sort to retaliate more if I get the law involved

    I completely understand this, I felt the same.

    However, if you make a report against him - the police have his name & details - therefore if he is to show up or hassle you they will react quicker knowing there is history iykwim.

    Why don't you call the police assistance number and say you just wonder what the best way forward is - you don't have to give your personal details yet but if you tell them the situation they will run through the process and you can then decide.

    Good luck, it's not easy at all and im so sorry you're going through this


    Mummy & Daddy - expanding our family! Our little man born April 2011 and now expecting another munchkin in August 2012! Loving it!!!!!

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    Thanks spidey, I think I might try calling the assistance line later and see what they recommend, I don't think he would do anything physical against me, his paranoia and social anxiety would stop that. He has refused to see me in person since the break up and is scared my honorary big brothers are going to come pay him a visit (they are on strict instructions not too due to his mental state though and respect my wishes).

    I'm hoping by helping myself it will give me the strength I need to do something, but for now, my mental health for DD is my priority, cause I know if I started proceedings right now, while still dealing with everything, I would fall apart again

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    I'm very glad to hear that you aren't with this man any longer.

    You must feel like a massive weight has been lifted from you finally having him and his toxicity out of your house and the life of you and your daughter.

    Wowser. Needless to say he's a creep.
    Honestly- i know there has to be an element of grief with any break up. But i garuntee you will (if you don't allready) look back and thank god you got away from him.

    I read all your posts and felt a sick kind of familiarity. I have been in abusive relationships before and i remember questioning myself the way you have. And WHy you know? Why is he like this? Why when you do all you can for him and love him, and try, try, try ect?

    I have come to the conclusion that a more pragmatic approach needs to be taken in relationships. It really can be simple. And believe it or not you don't have to hand any man your world on a plate in order for him to show you the barest scrap of affection.
    I made the mistake as a lot of us do that giving is reciprocal but not allways and you have to be careful not to set a precedent by giving too much too soon. It's sad but true. And being a single mother well for me seems to have been rife with people ever ready to try to take advantage. As if being vulnerable means i have lower expectations- wrong
    And neither should you lovely.

    My best advice would be is to move on from him and don't look back!
    Think of your daughter primarily and how you don't want her to witness her mother hurting and being abused. You are showing her by example whats acceptable treatment. You have every right to except to be treated with love and respect. Taking care of you will rub off on her.

    Like others have said none of this is about you. Except for the fact that you continued on with this man after what should have been several deal breakers. That's more of a self esteem thing. And i only feel like i can say this because i have been there myself. You only accept what you think you are worthy of.

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