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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by TrentsMummy View Post
    I wouldn't be speaking to him without either a lawyer or a police present. You never know what BS he may make up about you.
    He has refused to see me in person since the break up so it has all been via text, phone calls or Facebook. But thank you for your concern.

  2. #12
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    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    Oh you poor love. I'm so sorry for everything that you have been through with him. This might sound like slightly screwy advice, but if you know where he is staying, can you get the police to do a health and well being check on him, or a mental health service. The reason I say this is that the combination of his drug use and coming off his medication (which he was obviously on for a reason). I am sure that you just want to be left alone, and it is not your responsibility to help someone who has abused you so terribly, but if he is in a better place, it may just keep him away from you.

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  4. #13
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    I don't have anything further to add just one of my hugs.. May he get a Terrible illness and his doodle rots and falls off

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  6. #14
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    Please ease please get a retraining order!!

    I'm so sorry you have to go
    Throigh this hell.

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  8. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by SpecialPatrolGroup View Post
    Oh you poor love. I'm so sorry for everything that you have been through with him. This might sound like slightly screwy advice, but if you know where he is staying, can you get the police to do a health and well being check on him, or a mental health service. The reason I say this is that the combination of his drug use and coming off his medication (which he was obviously on for a reason). I am sure that you just want to be left alone, and it is not your responsibility to help someone who has abused you so terribly, but if he is in a better place, it may just keep him away from you.
    Thank you, this will definitely be mentioned tomorrow, since December I have begged his 2 best mates and younger brother to help him and do an intervention, all three advised me they don't know how to approach him about it and therefore did nothing. I then resorted to messaging his mum last weekend confessing EVERYTHING, including his confession of abuse, which resulted in an abusive phone call from him shortly after telling me his mum never knew, despite him using this against me and then her telling me days later it was simpky a blank text, yet he knew what I'd sent so she got it and chose to ignore it.

    I had known him for years before this, he was always my dream guy, the one all the girls wanted, seemed like he had it all together, own business, but then I just watched him destroy himself and he wouldn't let me help at all

    He suffers both depression and severe social anxiety (I do blame the illegal drug use on this a far bit) and needs professional help, especially considering it has taken him until he is 31 years old to admit to anyone he was abused.

    As much as I do hate him, I do still think this is not him, but his illness/addiction, but then another part of me thinks that's just me clutching at straws.

  9. #16
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    I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. I know how upsetting it is. You feel so completely broken and violated. I can't tell you why he is being so cruel but I do know that sometimes when people go cold turkey from anti-depressants it can bring out the worst in them - anger, paranoia, etc. I think the self hatred gets so intense that they will do anything to try and make someone feel as bad as they do. Ironically it often ends up being the person that is doing anything and everything to try to make them better.

    My ex took himself off his meds about 3 months before our intended wedding. We never ended up getting married and he basically didn't leave the house for six months and went from being about 95 kg (6 ft 2) to a 60 kg skeleton. It was a very long road to recovery and really he never fully recovered and has had smaller, minor depressive episodes since. We stuck it out for several years but in the end we broke up as I was never going to be able to have any of the things in life I wanted or needed. IMO if he has broken up with you, he's done you a massive favor. You now just need to cut the lingering ties as you are trying to do to be free completely.

    I'm going to finish this post later as I keep accidently erasing them on this iPad.

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  11. #17
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    Oh hon, lot's of and I hope he gets some help, he needs it, and to abruptly go off his meds is definitely going to contribute to some of the way he's been acting of late.

    I think it is very wise to go to the Police as you are, they can advise you on the best possible way of dealing with everything that's coming at you at the moment and hopefully offer you some reasurrance too.

    All the hurtful things he is saying and the way he is acting and reacting to you, sounds to me as though it is HE who is clutching at straws.

    All the best with tomorrow hon .

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  15. #19
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    Continued from above.

    After we broke up I met another man and fell head over heels very quickly. It was amazing at first but i later learned that he had lied to me about pretty much everything including still being with his ex girlfriend. He told me he had all the std checks and so I had sex with him without protection and felt so violated and worried once I learned the truth. He broke up with me a few days before a holiday to Noosa we had planned although looking back I'm sure he lied about booking the flights and time off work too. I felt so gutted after all I had been through with my ex and couldn't understand how/why someone could lie and toy with someone like that. When he came crawling 6 weeks later, the thing that saved me from going back was that the only thing I could be sure of is that he would do it again given the chance.

    I'm very happy now and I know and I know you can get through this. The cold sores must be a major blow but once you are feeling better you will most likely never have another outbreak and will be just like the majority of the population who carry the virus but don't suffer from it. It won't affect your life.

    If your worried about this guy not leaving you alone then it's best to go to the police. Try not to interact with him and if you do, show him as little of your emotions as possible - depressives and narcissists can sometimes feed off the emotions of others. If he gets no reaction from you then hopefully he will start to leave you alone. But take no chances and whatever precautions you need to to feel safe.

    Again I am so sorry you are going through this but you will get through it. The sun will shine, you'll belly laugh and enjoy life again. But you will have to want to. You have to grieve and feel the pain but you also have to be determined to get through this and allow it to make you smarter, stronger, wiser.

    Sending lots of love xx

  16. #20
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    Thanks guys, wow Vik, that's horrible I'm so sorry, but then as you've said, they have definitely done us a favour. It's just knowing that if he had let me help him, it may not of got to his, maybe eventually he would of loved me, you know the feeling I'm sure, but now, knowing he did this to me, I feel so used and stupid, there is no way I would go back even if he did get the help he so desperately needs.

    I think the most heart breaking is that no one else will help him, he is a very private person so is obviously putting on his 'I'm all good' act when seeing them, he did this with me numerous times and then went home and would go into what he calls 'mode' for hours or days on end, the worst was a whole week of him locking himself inside his home and ignoring me

    And thanks Uniquey, I hope I can start to begin my healing journey soon and move on, but as I've said before, I am still too scared to even consider another relationship, this has just cemented that even more.


 

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