I am 26 weeks into my 2nd pregnancy at the moment. DD was born at 33 weeks 6 yrs ago - she is healthy and thriving these days, the tallest in her class and you would never pick it!
At 33 weeks gestation, I was young and didn't really take in the what was happening very well.. I hadn't researched early labor so didn't understand all that it entails and when the midwife told me I was going to give birth within a number of hours/days I was excited when I should have been concerned and worried... I didn't fully comprehend that she would be sick and need hospital care the way she did.
She was held up when I had her so I could see her quickly, before she was whisked away to the neonatal ICU, where she was put on oxygen, drips, monitors and had a feeding tube.
It wasn't until I saw her here where it kind of dawned on me that I couldn't hold her like new mums should hold their new babes.
She came home at 4 weeks old and I found it increasingly hard to bond with her and developed PND.
Though this time around I feel more in control, as I understand what having a prem means - I feel more prepared and have already packed hospital bags etc just in case... and not to mention poor DH is going a little insane from my organisation lol...
I find my anxiety levels are now increasing as the thought of 33 weeks approaching.
Now I know the liklihood of having another prem is not as great as it has been 6 years since DD was born, but with more of an increase in weight gain this time round, SPD (where the pelvis begins to separate a bit sooner than normal and causes pain - also because my pelvis is misaligned..)....
I am really starting to freak out about this bub and am hoping like hell I can have him stay put another 10 weeks at the least so I know he will be healthier when born.
I may have him at 40 weeks.. maybe even 42... but I still can't shake the thought of having to see another baby of mine in a humidicrib like that and wait for a few days before holding him and feeding him....
I just long for a normal birth where I can breastfeed and snuggle with him on my chest like other mums do... and bond!
Am I over analysing all of this? Is it normal to feel this anxiety built around past labors when a prem was involved?
Would love to talk to other mum's who may feel the same way about this.. Just to get some peace of mind that I am not going slightly crazy!