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  1. #1
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    Default Defiance, Disrespect, DISASTER!

    My 4 year old DD has been getting into trouble a lot at Kindy. She has been at daycare before but this is her first time going FT as I am starting a job on Monday. It is almost the end of February and EVERY day the teacher has had something to say about my DD outright defiance and total disrespect for her. I am realistic about my DD, I know she is not perfect, I encourage the teachers to be open and honest with me, otherwise I can't work with them to help my DD development. BUT, she is never this naughty for me. She does naughty things, sometimes she doesn't listen but I get the feeling I am a lot more lienient than this teacher is. I respect her putting in place rules such as "no running inside" but when DD sees me in the afternoon, and she runs over to the door to greet me, I am a bit disconcerted that the teacher then says 'oh, mum, we've just ruined a good day by running inside'. Am I being precious in thinking that there is no need for a comment like that. I mean, she is 4. She is excited to see me. She has spent the WHOLE day trying really hard to listen. Why does that one little slip up erase all the good work?


    But, I am more concerned about my child's abject defiance and disrespect for this woman's authority. I am trying to think of a way we can work together to help my daughter learn the skills she obviously needs to survive in this classroom. I have had a look at Kids Skills but need something I can put in place a bit more... well... immediately. Does anyone have any ideas?

    I should probably also say my DD is an only child, there are no cousins etc to interact with, she is around adults a lot of the time. My discipline style? I don't really have one, I guess. I just ask her to do something or explain why something is happening and that is it. Yes we have tantrums but I just ignore them. If she doesn't listen to me I tend to just repeat myself until she does it, I have no problem waiting for a toy to be picked up. I suppose I tend to do the 'natural consequence' thing. But I don't have the patience for 'time out'.


    Welcoming all ideas, can give more information if needed

    TIA

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    Hmmm I don't like the sound of the kindy teacher to be honest - she sounds patronizing and passive aggressive. You can't ruin a lovely day by one little minor 'infringement' of the rule.

    The rest I'm not really competent to comment on! I'm a mum with the same the daughter - but I only have experience not expertise!

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    Double post!


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    Last edited by kalgirl; 10-02-2012 at 16:43.

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    Do you know what sort of discipline or behaviour management strategies the kindy uses when kids break the rules? Warnings, time out, removing play equipment? How is she rewarded for good behaviour? If you agree with their system you might like to institute it at home. It might make the transition easier for DD if the methods, boundaries and expectations at home and school are consistent.


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    Hannahly- Thanks so much for your reply. I do sort of feel like this woman may have a lot of issues of her own. I find her weird and cryptic and.. now that you mention it passive aggressive may be a good descriptor too!

    Kalgirl- They say they don't use time out but one of the key things I have noticed is that she 'misses out' on doing a lot of activities that the other kids do. To me, this is time out. But they swear black and blue that it isn't. What the bleeding heck is it then? It's not re-direction, because she is not given another activity to engage in, she just plain misses out.

    It's not that I don't like time out. But I am not patient enough to administer it. It makes me angry and frustrated having to enforce in and, for me, it seems a whole lot harder than just explaining. If she is too worked up to listen to my explanation I either cuddle her until she is ready or, if she doesn't want physical contact, I just let her be until she comes to me.

    But, 'time out' under the guise of something else is their major strategy.
    Part of me is thinking that maybe her expectations are just too high. Maybe it is just a simple personality clash. OR maybe this woman just can't handle independent, head strong, loud, active, vivacious kids. I fear for my daughter, she has already been labelled "Full on"

    Also, I've witnessed this lady praise kids in front of their parents. And she *says* she tells them if she is proud of them during the day. Her reward methods seem to be similar to mine. I big on praise, and communicating love, pride etc freely.
    Last edited by soulmama; 10-02-2012 at 19:58.

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    While I don't want to downplay your daughter's behaviour, there could be some clash with the teacher or the environment. That running inside comment sounded unnecessary.

    It's a bit different, but my son was in family day care for 3 years, and ended up bullying the other kids, being defiant, carer always complaining, had him in time out a lot during the day, and eventually kicked him out. I sent him to a centre - no problems. The carers there seem much more flexible and easygoing. I think carers and children sometimes have clashes and the relationship deterioriates, although normally there is more than one carer in the room to help these situations.

    As for parenting stuff, there is the Triple P stuff. You can get dvds and do courses. Although, I think it's hard as she sounds okay at home.

    I don't know. Would you consider a centre change?

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    Thanks MsMummy.
    I have looked into Triple P and actually a social worker has told me about 123 Magic program she is hosting, so I thought of doing that. But you are right, I don't have any major issues at home. She's just a regular little girl. Full of energy. Happy.
    As for a centre change. She starts school next year. And this is her 5th centre. I am very reluctant to change. We left others for witnessed abuse and neglect. But I don't know about this. I feel precious, especially so close to school. Plus I was hoping to use their before and after school program (which, thankfully has a different teacher supervising)

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    Tbh? I think the problem seems entirely with your teacher. I say this because we had exactly the same issue with my ds and his preschool year. The teacher was very strict and decided early on which kids and which parents she liked and which ones she didn't. She didn't like my son because she couldn't control him and became very negative and condescending both with me and him.he reacted to her negativity and the year was a disaster. Oddly enough or not so oddly we haven't had any issues since. I nearly was ready to pull him out and so were other parents.

    I think that she sounds very controlling and I agree the running comment is just unnecessary , is there any way you can swap teachers or change kinds? Because I know that I would never put up with a nasty teacher like that ever again,she made my life a misery that year.

  10. #9
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    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    I removed my boys from a Kindy for the exact same reason.
    Every time I went to pick them up it was a negative report. They had been going to childcare for 3 years at the previous centre before we moved towns and had NEVER been met with such negativity from a teacher. Every, single, day this woman would tell me that they wouldn't listen or didn't do this or that....

    I pulled them out quick smart, put them in a new centre and once again had happy boys with glowing reports.

    There is absolutely NO PLACE for that kids of negativity in a child's learning environment.

    I'd find a new kindy to be honest.
    Last edited by OJandMe; 10-02-2012 at 22:46.

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    OP, is your centre attached to a larger primary school? Or is it a stand alone?


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