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  1. #1
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    Default School yard issues

    My Ds has just started his second term at school and he is following the wrong kids. He has been picked on a little bit but the main problem is the other children trying to encourage my DS to bully other kids.

    He hasn't done it as yet but the language he has picked up is bad. I have spoken to his teacher who has tried her best to steer my DS away from the others so they are doing what they can.

    my DS has some issues of his own and struggles to "fit in". He told me he doesn't like to spend time with these boys as they are mean but wants to play with them as they are his only friends. Before finding these kids, my son followed the teacher around on yard duty every recess and lunch so is desperate to cling to a friendship group.

    what are some things I can do to help point my son in the right direction. I want to explain that "fitting in" isn't everything and these kids aren't worth his precious time but how do I explain this to a 5.5 year old.

    He is already excluded in class as he is given seperate work to the rest of the class so he feels alone in that regard too which is why I feel he won't let go of these boys even though they upset him.

    any experiences or advice would be greatly appreciated

  2. #2
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    I don't mean to be forward or nosey and i say this with only good thoughts but why does your baby get different work? :-)
    poor boy. i truly feel for him as my son has just started kindy.
    This might sound really lame. but we have a sticker chart at home.
    if something good is done then a green sticker is awarded. if something wrong is done a green sticker is removed and if there are no more green stickers a red one is given. if 5 or more red (negative) stickers are on the chart, then there is a consequence. if five green stickers are awarded a small prize is given, if ten are earnt then a big surprise is awarded. we find that since we put this in place our son has improved 110% :-)
    i wouldn't suggest this for the friends problems but the swearing etc might help :-)

  3. #3
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    also im not suggesting that you choose your sons friends but Is there any way for you to encourage him to play with... appropriate children. sorry poor choice of words. mind went blank. but maybe talk to their parents and have a Lil party or trip to the park or something so he could get to know some other children.
    i know i wouldn't want my baby hanging with the bullies.
    sorry its all i could think of

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    Oh it is just so hard! I often question how to teach my DD how to be her own person but still 'fit in' and make friends. No advice there I'm sorry!

    Could you maybe invite some other kids for a play at your house and try to encourage a friendship? Do you know any other mums you could talk to at the school to try and set something like this up?

    Also, it sounds like maybe he's lacking a little bit in confidence. Maybe an extra curricular activity outside of school where he could build some confidence and practice making friends?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarylee View Post
    My Ds has just started his second term at school and he is following the wrong kids. He has been picked on a little bit but the main problem is the other children trying to encourage my DS to bully other kids.
    Your poor little man! It must be really stressing & very difficult for the both of you & i'm really sorry that you have to go through this.

    I really think this is a school problem! And your school (principal/teachers) should be doing all they can to assist in your dilemma.

    We've put our boy into a school where it's 100% against Bullying & have stated they make it a priority to relieve any situation where any form of bullying is occurring in their school yard! Granted he just started prep but if anything like this was to happen my wife & I won't accept anything less out of the school to stem any form of bullying and bad behavior that can affect our son from learning and being in a positive environment.

    I really think your teacher and principal are not doing enough to help your son in his situation if it's still occurring. Bullying is a serious problem and you need to take your baby out of that negative environment. If your school won't make it their priority to relieve the situation then threaten to take your son out of their school.




    Quote Originally Posted by Jarylee View Post
    He is already excluded in class as he is given seperate work to the rest of the class so he feels alone in that regard too which is why I feel he won't let go of these boys even though they upset him.

    any experiences or advice would be greatly appreciated
    This sounds really horrible. What kind of system single outs a child like this. This seems like a negative environment for him to be in. There must be a better way/system where he can participate & learn as an equal rather than somebody who is treated different. This can cause psychological damage to your son.

    I could be jumping the gun here and taken things out of context but i have to question the school here. It just seems they haven't created the right environment for him and it's affecting his confidence - which is something schools must strengthen not hinder. Confidence is vital in not only in their learning but the social aspect of school life.

    I hope things can improve for your son and i hope you haven't taken any disrespect from any of my comments.
    Last edited by Dwyane Wade; 09-02-2012 at 19:39.

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    Thanks for your replies

    My son is a gifted child, so he has the mind of a 9/10 year old academically. They can't really move him up yet as that cones with another set of challenges aswell. He is very different to his peers. They want to play super heroes while he wants to talk about the technical aspects of tying a fishing not or the exact rules of an afl match. Hence him finding it hard to fit in.
    People think being so smart is a blessing and in some ways it is, but it also cones with so many difficulties. He now also suffers from anxiety

    He is a pretty outgoing kid but finds it hard to find others with the same interests.
    Football will start in our community soon and although he is to young to play, they have said he can train with him them every week which will be awesome for him!

    I might try to organise some Play dates with some of the better behaved children from his class. Hopefully that helps lead him in the right direction

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    Thanks for your replies

    My son is a gifted child, so he has the mind of a 9/10 year old academically. They can't really move him up yet as that cones with another set of challenges aswell. He is very different to his peers. They want to play super heroes while he wants to talk about the technical aspects of tying a fishing not or the exact rules of an afl match. Hence him finding it hard to fit in.
    People think being so smart is a blessing and in some ways it is, but it also cones with so many difficulties. He now also suffers from anxiety

    He is a pretty outgoing kid but finds it hard to find others with the same interests.
    Football will start in our community soon and although he is to young to play, they have said he can train with him them every week which will be awesome for him!

    I might try to organise some Play dates with some of the better behaved children from his class. Hopefully that helps lead him in the right direction

  8. #8
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    The school has been really great at trying to accommodate my sons needs, I told the school and the tracer has now separated them in class and keeps an eye on them in the school yard but they any be watched 24/7. Your kids school sounds brilliant! We live in a very rural area and the next school is far away so at the moment we don't have much choice!

    My son is starting a new buddy up research program next Monday and they are hoping that will encourage building friendships with the buddies who will be good role model children. It will also help his mind and hopefully make him feel important and special rather than excluded!

    It really is a school issue I was just hoping I could also do some things to help encourage him to make confident choices using his own mind!

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by missie_mack View Post
    I too have a gifted child who suffers from extreme anxiety, so I can appreciate where you are coming from. Does the school have a gifted program where he can mingle with other children who are similarly inclined?
    Oh really i haven't known anyone else in our position. No our school offers nothing like that. Because we live in such a small community DS is the only one. We would love to move closer to different schools but it's just not an option at the moment.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Jarylee View Post
    The school has been really great at trying to accommodate my sons needs, I told the school and the tracer has now separated them in class and keeps an eye on them in the school yard but they any be watched 24/7. Your kids school sounds brilliant! We live in a very rural area and the next school is far away so at the moment we don't have much choice!

    My son is starting a new buddy up research program next Monday and they are hoping that will encourage building friendships with the buddies who will be good role model children. It will also help his mind and hopefully make him feel important and special rather than excluded!

    It really is a school issue I was just hoping I could also do some things to help encourage him to make confident choices using his own mind!
    Jarylee, your last 2 posts gives us more clearer detail about your sons situation that we really didn't have from your first post. I was actually thinking the other way, i apologize for assuming. Thank you for elaborating.

    Your son just wants to feel a common ground w/ his peers and to have a connection w/ them but because he is so advanced & mature he finds it very difficult to fit into his environment. The poor thing! He feels alienated yes? Do you feel your school is or isn't equipped to handle your sons unique situation? I think school here is a significant factor in being able to cater to your son and seems they don't have any sort of program for him. It is a shame you live in a rural area as it would be good to look up special schools where they cater specifically for gifted children. I am aware that there so many issues involved here and i'm way out of my depth in advice.

    I hope the football thing and the buddy program can help in his situation. Your frustrations must be very taxing. Give your son an extreme amount of love & affection. Hug and kiss him as much as possible Many blessings to both of you and hope you can find some answers that will help relieve your stress.


 

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