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  1. #1
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    Default Lack of a bestie- is it a concern?

    DS is 6yo and in year one this year. It has always been a bit of a struggle to get him to school- he's just not that fussed. He doesn't cry or tantrum about it, just don't want to go.

    I'm a little concerned that he doesn't have one, two or any close friends. No-one that he comes home to tell me exciting things about. Sometimes he'll even say that he played alone in the playground that day. He's an only child and he's always got along with kids older than himself.
    This was the case the whole of last year as well. To his 5th birthday party, he wanted to invite a combination of year 6, 4 and 3 graded children. None from Kindagarten. I asked the teacher about it and she wasn't concerned.

    I don't want another 11 years of fight. I want to encourage a love of school, and it concerns me, as does the bestie issue. If he had a bestie would he enjoy school more? And why do I get the feeling he is struggling with friends?
    Last edited by SimplyMum; 06-02-2012 at 07:21.

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    I would be concerned, only because dd (year 3) also has no real friends and school is a horrible place for her.

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    maybe have a talk to his teacher and see if he does play with other children or engage with them on class? If not maybe ask of she could try some team building and group work/ games to get him talking to new kids

    is there any after school activites at rhe school? the school I work at has school swimming, tennis, circus, afl and singing classes after school- maybe something like that would get him involved with other children ad maybe make friends in his class

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    The difficult thing is I work. Full time. So, he goes to after school care 5 days a week. He does do dancing and karate. He doesn't really have a problem with talking to new people- we've always joked at how social he actually is. He'll talk to anyone- on the weekend we went into the city- while on the monorail, boat, train and while in the lift- he started up conversations with anyone telling them all about our "special" weekend. It's more so the keeping of friends and forming that close bond with someone.

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    share-a-book, are you doing anything to help the situation? When did you notice that it was an issue? Are the teachers assisting?

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    It was always an issue but in Prep and part of Year 1 they do a lot of group activities and games, but even after that through year 2 the teachers on duty would organise games for a small group and involve her then supervise. Now, not so much. She hasn't been invited to a birthday since first semester of Prep. She is never invited on play dates, and when she's asked kids over they say no. We have neighbours with 2 kids around her age, and they come here sometimes. But then I heard them say they only come here because their house is too messy and they can barely move, much less get out games. So I don't even know if they really like her or not.

    We have done workshops and different things to help her make friends, but they haven't worked. Might work for your ds though. One was called Fun Friends.

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    I wouldn't worry too much.

    DD is in year 1 and has no specific "best friends," either. She has a few that she plays with, but she couldn't care less if she plays with them or someone else. Or even just herself. She's also an only child so I think she's used to being alone and doesn't worry too much if she's not with another child all the time.

    I figure it's a good thing tbh - good that she's able to occupy herself without relying on others. She also LIKES friends, obviously, but isn't so worried about them that she'd cry if she was alone at lunch... whereas I remember feeling lost if my closest friends were away from school for a day or something.

    Is your child bright? I have heard that often bright children are drawn to older children for playmates...

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    My brother was very much like that until he hit year 4. Then he made two really close friends and they're as tight as anything now.

    He just didn't really see the point. As they get older, they become friends through proximity, while they're younger they don't really seem to care. He always played alone, or with his brothers when they started school but once in year 4 he became best friends with 2 girls.

    His teachers always encouraged him to play with others, but boys. He's since realised he gets on better with the girls.

    Hopefully as he gets older he'll make some firmer friendships. Kids are fickle when they're little when it comes to friends! Otherwise have you considered him joining Joeys or Cub Scouts? They get put into little groups and my brothers LOVE it and all have some really nice friends who are in their Cub packs.

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    My ds was the same. In pre primary he just played with anyone and same again in yr 1 and 2. In fact he likEd to talk to teachers , bright kids do. It wasn't until end of yr 2 that he buddied up with someone and now they are inseparable.

    I would just talk to him about why he doesn't like school. Have you tried asking the other parents about it. Hard as it is to hear ,is your child doing something annoying to the other kids? Kids can be very intolerant. Have you talked to the chaplain Orr school psychologist or principal? It may be that he is just taking his time to find h,is niche or maybe there is a bigger underlying problem . Hope you sort it out soon.

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    Quote Originally Posted by share a book View Post
    It was always an issue but in Prep and part of Year 1 they do a lot of group activities and games, but even after that through year 2 the teachers on duty would organise games for a small group and involve her then supervise. Now, not so much. She hasn't been invited to a birthday since first semester of Prep. She is never invited on play dates, and when she's asked kids over they say no. We have neighbours with 2 kids around her age, and they come here sometimes. But then I heard them say they only come here because their house is too messy and they can barely move, much less get out games. So I don't even know if they really like her or not.

    We have done workshops and different things to help her make friends, but they haven't worked. Might work for your ds though. One was called Fun Friends.
    How is she in school? Like academically? Does it affect her work?

    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    I wouldn't worry too much.

    DD is in year 1 and has no specific "best friends," either. She has a few that she plays with, but she couldn't care less if she plays with them or someone else. Or even just herself. She's also an only child so I think she's used to being alone and doesn't worry too much if she's not with another child all the time.

    I figure it's a good thing tbh - good that she's able to occupy herself without relying on others. She also LIKES friends, obviously, but isn't so worried about them that she'd cry if she was alone at lunch... whereas I remember feeling lost if my closest friends were away from school for a day or something.

    Is your child bright? I have heard that often bright children are drawn to older children for playmates...
    This is very true Sass- perhaps I'm just looking at it the wrong way. No, I don't believe DS is exceptionally bright- he is average in his class work, although gets concepts fairly quickly.

    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    My brother was very much like that until he hit year 4. Then he made two really close friends and they're as tight as anything now.

    He just didn't really see the point. As they get older, they become friends through proximity, while they're younger they don't really seem to care. He always played alone, or with his brothers when they started school but once in year 4 he became best friends with 2 girls.

    His teachers always encouraged him to play with others, but boys. He's since realised he gets on better with the girls.

    Hopefully as he gets older he'll make some firmer friendships. Kids are fickle when they're little when it comes to friends! Otherwise have you considered him joining Joeys or Cub Scouts? They get put into little groups and my brothers LOVE it and all have some really nice friends who are in their Cub packs.
    Hmm, there are times where he does gravitate towards girls (again, usually older).

    I'm so confused! While I don't want to make a big deal of it unnessarily, I don't want him to not like school. If only I could be there for pick up- I'm sure mixing with the parents and students, seeing DS mix would give me some insight.


 

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