Thanks everyone for making me feel better about it, knowing that it is normal exploration doesn't help when you are like me and have things happen to you that cloud your reaction, but I dealt with it in the ways that most of you suggested so feel comfortable with that. I think if we ban children it will be all kids, so not just one kid singled out, but the girl is welcome back and I won't think anything more of it unless something else happens. I also won't talk about it with DD again unless she brings it up, or if a situation causes a vaguely siomilar convo to come up about the privacy thing - I don't want to discuss that at the moment 'out of the blue' without a good reason as I agree that will make DD feel as if it is bad and has to be discussed all the time.
The good thing I did take out of it was that DD and I could talk, and that was good becaus eif something really bad happens I feel like I am more likely to be told.
Michelle N thanks for sharing xoxox with your boy