I am struggling a bit today after I 'caught' my DD (5 yrs) being touched inappropriately by her friend (6 years). I did not yell at anyone or freak out when I say it. Essentially what happened is that I heard the friend say to DD that they should play massage - my ears pricked at that so I started to monitor. I didn't want to go running in and say that a game of massage was inappropriate as it is, in most cases, innocent (I think). I heard the friend say I'll massage your tummy, and then it got quiet, so I peeked in. DD's legs were up and the friend was massaging her down below. To be honest I couldn't see properly as the friend was in the way, but when she saw me there (the friend) she stopped. I said, "You should not be massaging there" and walked out. I walked out mostly because I had a flashback, and was triggered instantly to a childhood experience I had myself.
I then heard the friend suggest doctors. I was quite concerend at this so stepped in again and said that there will be no touching of bottoms. Both girls said ok.
DD then came out toget something from the lounge room, and I questioned her about the 'massage'. She did not say yes or no, just said 'It was a joke mum."
I told her it wasn't a joke and that people shouldn't be touching her - we have discussed this before, so I was also upset that it had happened and my little talks had not protected DD. I asked if her friend had touched her and she said no. I said that I saw something that made me a bit worried, and that if she was worried about upsetting me she diodn't have to worry. She then told me that her friend had touched her. I told both girls that there was no touching and then dropped it. The friend was at our house as DH was helping the friend's dad with something and I was stuck with her for want of a better term.
When the dad came back I told him what I saw and he looked shocked at the 'massage' part, and said he would talk to his DD.
When they left I talked to DD. She refused to talk about it in front of DH, but told me that teh friend was massaging her tummy, DD said go to my legs and the friend went to her private area. She said she was shocked and didn't want that, but then it felt nice and then I walked in. She never told her friend to stop and she didn't know why. She was worreid that DH and I were cross with her, and explained that I was cross with her friend not her, I called DH in and asked him if he was cross with DD - she was hiding, and he said loudly 'no' then DD showed her face to him. I asked her if she remembered our talks about people touching her and she said yes, but wasn't able to tell her friend to stop, I reminded her that no-one was to touch her, and that it was private. I told her that if she touches herself and it feels nice she is not naughty, but she needs to do that in private, and definitely not let anyone else touch her.
Did I react Ok - I was freaking the whole time and flashing back so worried that I made it worse.
Should I do any follow up with DD? I don't want to keep on talking about it if that means it makes it worse, but I don't want to drop it either if that's not appropriate