Co-sleeping question about age

**Johnny Poppers** · 04-02-2012 08:52

Areca I understand why children often seek comfort. I should have added that I asked if it was normal because the child co-sleeps every night with her parents, it is not occasionally. She doesnt start out in her own bed. I am not passing judgement just trying to understand.

**FloatingFairy** · 04-02-2012 09:02

,,.,

**Boobycino** · 04-02-2012 09:08

Originally Posted by Johnny Poppers

Areca I understand why children often seek comfort. I should have added that I asked if it was normal because the child co-sleeps every night with her parents, it is not occasionally. She doesnt start out in her own bed. I am not passing judgement just trying to understand.

I don't think anyone here can help you understand another parents parenting choices. We don't know this family or why they've made the choices they have made.

But then... Why do you need to understand? If its a close enough friend and you think you could tactfully bring it up if your curiosity is so intense... But really... It's kinda nothing for you to be concerned about.

**Johnny Poppers** · 04-02-2012 09:11

Originally Posted by MsMummy

This is why I don't tell people we co-sleep. also, I tend to find it impolite to inquire into what happens in people's bedrooms.

I didnt feel comfortable asking about the co-sleeping with this lady so that is why I asked on here for people to contribute if they wished.

I was not intending to have a debate about what defines normal so was a bad term of phrase on my part. I was curious about the age that most co-sleepers venture into their own beds.

We started out co-sleeping but our little man was quite restless. He is not a cuddly child, brushes us off once he has had enough cuddles and seems to like his own space. He seemed more content during the day and lest restless when he was sleeping by himself. DH jokes that his snoringis the reason we failed at co-sleeping.

**wannaBamumma** · 04-02-2012 09:30

I totally understand your curiosity! My parents split when I was 9 and my mum, sister and I moved out. I slept with my mum most nights from then and on and off till i was about 14 and i only stopped cos mum got married!! The split between my parents was pretty traumatic for us so I think I felt safest with mum.
She laughs at me now cos I cosleep with dd and shes a wriggler like I was!
Actually thinking about it, when I used to visit my dad he only had one bed for a long time so we slept in there together and I was happy about that cos I was always scared of the dark!

**Areca** · 04-02-2012 10:38

Originally Posted by Johnny Poppers

Areca I understand why children often seek comfort. I should have added that I asked if it was normal because the child co-sleeps every night with her parents, it is not occasionally. She doesnt start out in her own bed. I am not passing judgement just trying to understand.

Sorry I wasn't trying to 'have a go' at you so sorry if it came across that way.
I have the non cuddly child who has never wanted to co-sleep (she's 6 now) and I have the baby who at 7 months demanded his own bed and now, at 2, has just started coming in to our bed some nights (anywhere from 3-5.30am) wanting a cuddle. No tears or anything, he just climbs out of bed and comes to us. Then there's my 4 year old...the child who from birth has needed her family unit together. The child who, for the first ten weeks of her life was only separated from me so I could shower and then again of a night so I could get in to my pj's and she screamed the whole time we were separated. Not even her dad was good enough. At 4, nearly 4 1/2, she's confident, happy, has sleep overs (sometimes for two nights) at her grandparents and is excited to being having a sleepover with her siblings at my friend's house soon, extremely cuddly and affectionate, and absolutely terrified of the dark. She's confident to sleep with a light on in the hallway which sometimes extends to a light on in the living room as well. However, our beds are at opposite ends of the house and I know she's only confident sleeping in her room because she shares a room with her big sister. If she was an only child, or didn't share a room she'd be in our bed from the beginning every single night. She's also our best sleeper by far, will announce she's tired and wants to go to bed, still naps once or twice a week and is my only child who knows what it means to sleep past 7am.

Who knows why the 12 year old sleeps in mum and dad's bed every night. Maybe their bed is actually two beds pushed together, perhaps they have a really small house so having one room for sleeping and utilising the other rooms for other things makes the best use of the space. I think Boobycino hit the nail on the head with her post. A 12 year old sleeping with her parents is nothing to be concerned about and there could be 1 000 different reasons as to why they all sleep together.

**trishalishous** · 04-02-2012 12:01

technically i still cosleep as i share a bed with dh, but i left my parents bed aroun 8 or 9 i think. i shared a room with my sister from age 3, but we still went in with mum

**HarvestMoon** · 04-02-2012 12:15

I co sleep with my 4 and 7 year olds. Being with mum is where they obviously feel most comfortable.
I have no issue with it. They will obviously move into their own beds when they are ready.

**Witwicky** · 04-02-2012 12:46

I agree with Areca, it really depends on the child and family, but I don't see anything wrong with it. I get lonely sleeping in my own (and sometimes s bit scared!), so I imagine it would be comforting for an older child to sleep with their parents.

My DS is 2.5 and he goes through phases of wanting to co-sleep and wanting to sleep in his own room. Lately he has been sleeping with me in my bed; where he sleeps is completely up to him. He isn't the cuddly type either (he was cuddling the other day during a sleep and I was shocked lol), but I'm guessing he chooses to co-sleep at times because he is comforted by my presence. My bedroom door will always be open to my kids, whether they are aged 2 or 42!

**share a book** · 04-02-2012 13:28

No it would not have been appropriate. My dd turns 9 this year and most nights goes to sleep in my room. She usually ends up in my bed even if she starts out in her room. She sleeps in her own room if she has a friend sleeping over.

I can't imagine there would ever be a time when I would make her stop.