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  1. #31
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    i have no real advice, i think everyone else has summed it all up

    my ds was about 14 months when i split from fob, a bit young to understand what was happening. :/
    Last edited by babyspice; 04-02-2012 at 16:39. Reason: typo

  2. #32
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    Okay. Sorry. Back on again to revive this thread. I'm having a bad night. Saturday night I was feeling much better about things. Went to sleep easily, assured that I can and will survive this and come out a better person and, more importantly, get my kids through it as unscarred as possible. I even wrote DH a letter saying that I understand it is too late to save our marriage, but that I hope he would really focus on getting his depression under control and see a counsellor so that he can be the best father he can (and I did it positively by saying that he is a good father). Told him I would even come along to give counsellor my insight if the counsellor felt it would help. Told him that I wanted it for his children but also because I care about him and want to see him happy. I even apologised for not being able to ignore what was going on and being aloof (in that I couldn't just talk about the weather/friends when I was feeling so hurt by the state of our relationship. Slipped it inside the room he is staying in and he read it first thing this morning.

    It is 11 o'clock tonight. We had breakfast with the kids, he went to bed for an hour due to sore neck, took the kids to lunch (cos they don't know anything is wrong at this stage), went to the shops to pick up a couple of things, came home, bathed kids, fed them and put them to bed at 6.30 (usual time). I got take out and we ate together. I read a book and he looked for rental property on the net. Had chats here and there about how he was going with it. At one stage he sighed and said "I will really miss not spending time in this place" and I said we could move out and he could stay here (we built the house and were heavily involved in the architectural design).

    So here's the thing that is eating me up. That comment is the ONLY comment he has made about how he is feeling. That he will miss the house. Not me. Not the kids. Not that he is regretful for any of his action. Not that he worries about our kids. I know I should'nt be surprised because his lack of emotional communication is the thing that has created this situation, but he did not even acknowledge the letter! I'm just so stunned! I don't know how to take the sick feeling in my gut and make it better. I know in my head it will get better and that I need to go through the stages of grieving. I have told a close friend and my mum about what is going on today. But I am just so stunned at his lack of reaction.

    I'm not really expecting an answer or solutions, just need to vent/express my thoughts. If you've read this far thank you.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by another anonymous View Post
    Okay. Sorry. Back on again to revive this thread. I'm having a bad night. Saturday night I was feeling much better about things. Went to sleep easily, assured that I can and will survive this and come out a better person and, more importantly, get my kids through it as unscarred as possible. I even wrote DH a letter saying that I understand it is too late to save our marriage, but that I hope he would really focus on getting his depression under control and see a counsellor so that he can be the best father he can (and I did it positively by saying that he is a good father). Told him I would even come along to give counsellor my insight if the counsellor felt it would help. Told him that I wanted it for his children but also because I care about him and want to see him happy. I even apologised for not being able to ignore what was going on and being aloof (in that I couldn't just talk about the weather/friends when I was feeling so hurt by the state of our relationship. Slipped it inside the room he is staying in and he read it first thing this morning.

    It is 11 o'clock tonight. We had breakfast with the kids, he went to bed for an hour due to sore neck, took the kids to lunch (cos they don't know anything is wrong at this stage), went to the shops to pick up a couple of things, came home, bathed kids, fed them and put them to bed at 6.30 (usual time). I got take out and we ate together. I read a book and he looked for rental property on the net. Had chats here and there about how he was going with it. At one stage he sighed and said "I will really miss not spending time in this place" and I said we could move out and he could stay here (we built the house and were heavily involved in the architectural design).

    So here's the thing that is eating me up. That comment is the ONLY comment he has made about how he is feeling. That he will miss the house. Not me. Not the kids. Not that he is regretful for any of his action. Not that he worries about our kids. I know I should'nt be surprised because his lack of emotional communication is the thing that has created this situation, but he did not even acknowledge the letter! I'm just so stunned! I don't know how to take the sick feeling in my gut and make it better. I know in my head it will get better and that I need to go through the stages of grieving. I have told a close friend and my mum about what is going on today. But I am just so stunned at his lack of reaction.

    I'm not really expecting an answer or solutions, just need to vent/express my thoughts. If you've read this far thank you.
    sometimes when men think there is no option they just give in and dont push he may think there is nothign he can do to change your mind so he is just blah about it.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to Lovemyfam For This Useful Post:

    made2bAmummy  (05-02-2012)

  5. #34
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    no advice other that what has already been said re: depression and you having tried for 4 years already.
    massive hugs from me


 

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