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  1. #11
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    GluttonForPunishment is offline Bubhub Award Winner - 2011- Most Optimistic Poster and Newbie of the Year Awards
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    Marriage isn't a life sentence! Why on earth stay with a man who doesn't care enough to make adjustments in your relationship? For the kids? NO! Trust me, the kids will be happier and better off seeing mum happy rather than seeing mum miserable. FOUR YEARS you've done counselling for!!! OMG!!! I believe that is the definition of flogging a dead horse!

    Do NOT feel guilty about this. You wouldn't want your kids to stay in a loveless relationship would you? Why do you deserve any less?

    Best of luck in your future!!

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by another anonymous View Post
    And to be honest your reaction is the one that I have dreaded - that I am overreacting but I honestly feel I have done all I can to make our marriage work and nothing has. I am not sure that I love him any more as he has given me nothing to love. No, he doesn't beat me or abuse me or put me down but we have not connected for years. We are on completely different pages. I guess what I am saying is that I am doing what I have to do to make ME happy, I have given him so many opportunities to make it work, but I need help in NOT feeling guilty about the decision I have made and easing the path for my kids.
    You have no reason to feel guilty. You have clearly done everything you can for 4 years, which is, well far longer than i would have been able to stand that kind of existence.

    Your DH can play an active role in the lives of your children. And on that front you seem to be going out of your way to support your DH's relationship with them. Try not to feel guilty hun, you really are doing all you can. You're a mother but you're a woman too. And in this kind of situation being on your own is prefferable to the way your DH makes you feel. IT must be so demoralizing to push ahead like that. With that constant rejection i don't know how you are not depressed yourself.

    Who knows maybe your DH has has become overly compftrable with the status quo? In any case you have tried to no avail. And now you are doing something else. Maybe your DH might snap out of it? Maybe he won't.

    All anyone can do is their very best- which is what you are doing.

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  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by GluttonForPunishment View Post
    Marriage isn't a life sentence! Why on earth stay with a man who doesn't care enough to make adjustments in your relationship? For the kids? NO! Trust me, the kids will be happier and better off seeing mum happy rather than seeing mum miserable. FOUR YEARS you've done counselling for!!! OMG!!! I believe that is the definition of flogging a dead horse!

    Do NOT feel guilty about this. You wouldn't want your kids to stay in a loveless relationship would you? Why do you deserve any less?

    Best of luck in your future!!
    I totally agree! Nobody should be judging you or telling you it's not worth leaving over! If your not happy your not happy! You have put in the effort and it seems like you know what your doing!

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  7. #14
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    I second that! Well said GFP.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lovemyfam View Post
    This doesnt seem break up worthy tbh it seems like a communication thing, I think you could prevent a break up with some communication and maybe counseling, could he be depressed? He could maybe take some parenting classes so he can learn. Does he have a hobby? Like my hubby loves bowling so we will be joining a bowling league and be able to hang out with adults and make some new friends maybe he can make new friends through a hobby.
    Honestly who are you to say what is break up worthy and what isnt? seriously gobsmacked at that comment.

    OP In regards to your 3 year old, just make sure he knows mummy and daddy both love him very much but they are going to be living in different houses now, as long as he gets love and support from you both I am sure he will be fine.

    As for feeling guilty dont! you have nothing to feel guilty for. One of the most draining things in the world is living with an emotionally void person. It's hard and you've done well to try and make it work so far. Now's the time for you to be happy in yourself.
    Last edited by DQ; 03-02-2012 at 15:03.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lemmings View Post
    Honestly who are you to say what is break up worthy and what isnt? seriously gobsmacked at that comment.
    Absolutely!! LMF - what may not be separation worthy to you, may be to another person. No one is the same, we all have various limits.

    OP big big hugs. Don't feel guilty at all, and don't feel you are overreacting or that you should stay. Do what you feel is right, you need to think about yourself so that you can be happy for yourself and your children. If you are not happy in your marriage then there is no reason to stay.
    Last edited by DQ; 03-02-2012 at 15:04.

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    Quote Originally Posted by another anonymous View Post
    And to be honest your reaction is the one that I have dreaded - that I am overreacting but I honestly feel I have done all I can to make our marriage work and nothing has. I am not sure that I love him any more as he has given me nothing to love. No, he doesn't beat me or abuse me or put me down but we have not connected for years. We are on completely different pages. I guess what I am saying is that I am doing what I have to do to make ME happy, I have given him so many opportunities to make it work, but I need help in NOT feeling guilty about the decision I have made and easing the path for my kids.

    You ARE NOT over reacting and don't worry about negative comments others make! It's your life.. your living it and your entitled to live it happy and with happy children!

    I stayed with my ex for years thinking it was the best thing for the kids.. in the end i realised it was actually the worst thing i could be doing so i left... best thing i ever done for myself and for my kids! The became so much happier living in an environment that had no love and lots of tension
    Last edited by DQ; 03-02-2012 at 15:05.

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    Is agree with the majority.

    It's not upto anyone to tell you should stay. You sound very unhappy and your DH doesn't sound like he really cares that much. Yes, he's depressed, but that is not reason enough to stay.

    You deserve happiness and so do your kids. I'm sure they will be happy if you are happy. It might not be easy for them at first, but I'm a firm believer it's better to have 2 happy parents apart, than 2 miserable ones together.

    My parents should have divorced 30 odd years ago. Neither is happy, but Mum is too proud to admit there are problems, so she just picks on Dad and makes his life as miserable as possible. He's not perfect, but doesn't deserve that. Not saying that's how you would turn out, just saying that 30 years is a LONG time to be miserable.

    Hugs

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    Thank you so much for all your replies. It has been a really tough night with discussion about time-sharing the kids, finances, etc and then me bawling my eyes out because I feel like I am breaking my little family apart. I just know DS is going to be devastated but I do understand time heals all wounds. He is just such a happy, cheeky little lad and I am so scared that this is going to change that forever.

    And for the record I don't have any problem with Love my fam. I have questioned and questioned and questioned myself about whether it is the right thing to get out of the relationship and whilst my head says it is, my heart says otherwise. As I said to DH tonight, I just can't understand why he wouldn't leave any stone unturned to try to sort himself out so that we can be a happy family. It is so hard being powerless to fix it and I keep wanting to think that something I say or do will make it all okay, even though I know it won't.

    So thank you to all of you - I really do appreciate all your comments, support and feedback.

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    Quote Originally Posted by another anonymous View Post
    Thank you so much for all your replies. It has been a really tough night with discussion about time-sharing the kids, finances, etc and then me bawling my eyes out because I feel like I am breaking my little family apart. I just know DS is going to be devastated but I do understand time heals all wounds. He is just such a happy, cheeky little lad and I am so scared that this is going to change that forever.

    And for the record I don't have any problem with Love my fam. I have questioned and questioned and questioned myself about whether it is the right thing to get out of the relationship and whilst my head says it is, my heart says otherwise. As I said to DH tonight, I just can't understand why he wouldn't leave any stone unturned to try to sort himself out so that we can be a happy family. It is so hard being powerless to fix it and I keep wanting to think that something I say or do will make it all okay, even though I know it won't.

    So thank you to all of you - I really do appreciate all your comments, support and feedback.
    I see where you are coming from after you replied to my first post, maybe this will be a good kick in the rear for him, he could just be content and comfy thinking that you will always be there, good luck to you and hope your little boy adjusts fast I am sure that he will be fine as you seem like you are doing everything to help the transition work the best for your kiddos.


 

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