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  1. #81
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    My lifestyle very much changed, and jasper fits into my new lifestyle. But this is a way better life than I had before. And actually I socialize more than I ever did before him I just do different types of things. And yeah we don't go out for dinner very often any more. But that's almost just as much a no longer double income no kids thing as it is not being able to take him places easily. Jasper is a pretty portable child - he's happy as long as he has mummy or daddy (or grandma) with him wherever we go. So he has travelled and stuff a lot. Well... Until we had to pay for his flights... Again back to the single income issue more than jasper himself being an issue.

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    Some took my original post on this thread to mean that I thought that babies or children shouldn't EVER be let out of the house because it might interfere with their sleep time. I don't think that at all. What I was trying to say is that, in the long term, a child will generally do better all round if they are well rested. And well rested means not being overscheduled (lots of activities), not being dragged around all over the place by Mum and Dad when they are better off at home just "being" AND having a sleep when they're tired. Children actually like boundaries and knowing that it's sleep or rest time can be a great comfort to them.

    We socialise all the time, but for the most part it's at our place and my youngest who is two, still has her sleep in the middle of the day for a couple of hours and then still goes to bed at 7.30pm, regardless of whether we have friends here or not. She doesn't miss out on a thing and when she (and my 4 other children) are well rested everyone gets along better and life is better all round. If we go out to a friend's house she gets to stay up later, if she nods off on my lap, that's ok too. I'm talking about what happens most of the time.

    That's the only point I was trying to make. I too used to take my firstborn shopping all the time and foolishly thought that it was a great way to get him to sleep (all that walking in the pram). I say foolish because then that's the ONLY way he would go to sleep - or in the car. I would have been much better off just trying to focus on getting him used to life at his home. I'm sorry if I sounded like a know all - I reread my post and to me it DID sound a tad arrogant, that was not my intention. I was just trying to say that children are a life commitment, and to expect them to fit in with our own sometimes selfish needs and wants will not work in the long term. That's what I've learnt.

    I also recognise that everyone sees things differently, but this has been my observation. So far my 5 kids are doing great!

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  4. #83
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    Some think that people who say their lifestyle didn't change, or changed very little, are horrible people who drag babies around and force them to do things. The fact is, before dd, I worked in childcare so my daily activities were around activities for babies, toddlers, preschoolers (I worked in all ages from 6 weeks to 12 years), feed times, naps, then out of work my brother was still a child so activities were family type activities. On top of that I was blessed with a transportable child. So this is why my lifestyle was not changed or interrupted by my child. Had my lifestyle revolved around time with other adults, cocktail parties, all-nighters at the clubs, midnight movie screening, cruises, etc, then no, a baby would not have fit in with that.

  5. #84
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    I think it's a good philosophy to work towards, I feel we have a good balance between the kids being flexible but we don't push them to far either. But I never could have predicted how much kids consume your life, I wouldn't change it though.

  6. #85
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    I think it depends so much on the child.

    Someone mentioned that for those who say life hasn't changed - well, that depends on what your life involved pre-babies. I agree, but the implication (as I read it) was that if your life hasn't changed then you weren't doing all those fun things pre-baby anyway.

    I think that when a lot of people say that the baby will fit into their lifestyles, what they mean is NOT 'nothing at all will change', but instead 'things will change, but we will still do the things we love.' That's certainly what I mean by it.

    DH and I love to travel, and when I was pregnant so many people said things like "Well, that's all over now - you can't go to all these places with a kid." For us that has not been true. DD is 19mths and has many passport stamps, and is a great traveller.

    We love to eat at nice restaurants. We're fortunate, in that DD goes to bed early (4.45-5pm), and my parents live nearby and babysit lots. That means that we can regularly go out of an evening without DD even knowing we aren't there. When she was smaller we sometimes took her too, as she would just sleep.

    I take her shopping several times a week. When she was smaller she would sleep in the pram, and now she's bigger she just chatters to me and reads books as we go.

    We love going to the cinema, playing sports, seeing friends, going to / having parties. None of those things have stopped.

    I'm not saying all this to sound insufferably smug (although I realise I probably am sounding that way), but to explain that when I say that DD fits into our lifestyle - that's how I mean it. We can still do the things that we love, and DD doesn't suffer for it.

    If she was a bad sleeper, or clingy, or a crier, then I'm sure things would have been different.

    Sure, things have still changed. I've given up work for her, which was a big sacrifice for me. Life is very different to how it was before in many ways, but I still feel that she fits around what we want to do.

    When I was pregnant (and since having DD) I knew some people who didn't get out of pyjamas all day, who said they had no time to even brush their teeth or do makeup, who always showed up late to events (or didn't come) because of something to do with the baby, who couldn't go on holiday any more (because of baby), who couldn't meet at a particular time as it clashed with nap time etc. etc. That's what I think of when I think of a baby not fitting into someone's lifestyle, and when I was pregnant that prospect terrified me.

    I'm not trying to offend anyone who has done any of those things listed, but just trying to say that when I say she fits into our lifestyle it's because I believe that she does, and because I didn't personally want any of those things I listed to happen to us, and I'm happy that they didn't. People often like to give you the 'life is over' warnings when you're pregnant, but I don't think it has to be.

    Hope that made sense, and that anyone who's waded through it hasn't dozed off...

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  8. #86
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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    I think it depends so much on the child.

    Someone mentioned that for those who say life hasn't changed - well, that depends on what your life involved pre-babies. I agree, but the implication (as I read it) was that if your life hasn't changed then you weren't doing all those fun things pre-baby anyway.

    I think that when a lot of people say that the baby will fit into their lifestyles, what they mean is NOT 'nothing at all will change', but instead 'things will change, but we will still do the things we love.' That's certainly what I mean by it.

    DH and I love to travel, and when I was pregnant so many people said things like "Well, that's all over now - you can't go to all these places with a kid." For us that has not been true. DD is 19mths and has many passport stamps, and is a great traveller.

    We love to eat at nice restaurants. We're fortunate, in that DD goes to bed early (4.45-5pm), and my parents live nearby and babysit lots. That means that we can regularly go out of an evening without DD even knowing we aren't there. When she was smaller we sometimes took her too, as she would just sleep.

    I take her shopping several times a week. When she was smaller she would sleep in the pram, and now she's bigger she just chatters to me and reads books as we go.

    We love going to the cinema, playing sports, seeing friends, going to / having parties. None of those things have stopped.

    I'm not saying all this to sound insufferably smug (although I realise I probably am sounding that way), but to explain that when I say that DD fits into our lifestyle - that's how I mean it. We can still do the things that we love, and DD doesn't suffer for it.

    If she was a bad sleeper, or clingy, or a crier, then I'm sure things would have been different.

    Sure, things have still changed. I've given up work for her, which was a big sacrifice for me. Life is very different to how it was before in many ways, but I still feel that she fits around what we want to do.

    When I was pregnant (and since having DD) I knew some people who didn't get out of pyjamas all day, who said they had no time to even brush their teeth or do makeup, who always showed up late to events (or didn't come) because of something to do with the baby, who couldn't go on holiday any more (because of baby), who couldn't meet at a particular time as it clashed with nap time etc. etc. That's what I think of when I think of a baby not fitting into someone's lifestyle, and when I was pregnant that prospect terrified me.

    I'm not trying to offend anyone who has done any of those things listed, but just trying to say that when I say she fits into our lifestyle it's because I believe that she does, and because I didn't personally want any of those things I listed to happen to us, and I'm happy that they didn't. People often like to give you the 'life is over' warnings when you're pregnant, but I don't think it has to be.

    Hope that made sense, and that anyone who's waded through it hasn't dozed off...
    I totally agree- that's exactly how it is with DS

  9. #87
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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    I think it depends so much on the child.

    Someone mentioned that for those who say life hasn't changed - well, that depends on what your life involved pre-babies. I agree, but the implication (as I read it) was that if your life hasn't changed then you weren't doing all those fun things pre-baby anyway.

    I think that when a lot of people say that the baby will fit into their lifestyles, what they mean is NOT 'nothing at all will change', but instead 'things will change, but we will still do the things we love.' That's certainly what I mean by it.

    DH and I love to travel, and when I was pregnant so many people said things like "Well, that's all over now - you can't go to all these places with a kid." For us that has not been true. DD is 19mths and has many passport stamps, and is a great traveller.

    We love to eat at nice restaurants. We're fortunate, in that DD goes to bed early (4.45-5pm), and my parents live nearby and babysit lots. That means that we can regularly go out of an evening without DD even knowing we aren't there. When she was smaller we sometimes took her too, as she would just sleep.

    I take her shopping several times a week. When she was smaller she would sleep in the pram, and now she's bigger she just chatters to me and reads books as we go.

    We love going to the cinema, playing sports, seeing friends, going to / having parties. None of those things have stopped.

    I'm not saying all this to sound insufferably smug (although I realise I probably am sounding that way), but to explain that when I say that DD fits into our lifestyle - that's how I mean it. We can still do the things that we love, and DD doesn't suffer for it.

    If she was a bad sleeper, or clingy, or a crier, then I'm sure things would have been different.

    Sure, things have still changed. I've given up work for her, which was a big sacrifice for me. Life is very different to how it was before in many ways, but I still feel that she fits around what we want to do.

    When I was pregnant (and since having DD) I knew some people who didn't get out of pyjamas all day, who said they had no time to even brush their teeth or do makeup, who always showed up late to events (or didn't come) because of something to do with the baby, who couldn't go on holiday any more (because of baby), who couldn't meet at a particular time as it clashed with nap time etc. etc. That's what I think of when I think of a baby not fitting into someone's lifestyle, and when I was pregnant that prospect terrified me.

    I'm not trying to offend anyone who has done any of those things listed, but just trying to say that when I say she fits into our lifestyle it's because I believe that she does, and because I didn't personally want any of those things I listed to happen to us, and I'm happy that they didn't. People often like to give you the 'life is over' warnings when you're pregnant, but I don't think it has to be.

    Hope that made sense, and that anyone who's waded through it hasn't dozed off...
    This is how I think of it too - and how I certainly hope it will be for us! Except for the travel thing - DH assures me we won't be able to afford that for a long time!!! That makes me sadder than "giving up" anything else really. Friends can visit me at home, but France can't.

  10. #88
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    I think it's a nice aspiration that a bub will fit in with your pre-existing lifestyle, but the emphasis on the comment 'baby will fit in with our lifestyle' for me is on the 'WILL'. How do you know they will, what if they won't? How do you know you will keep doing the things you loved doing pre-baby. Just exposing a bub to all the things you did (and want to continue to do) in your pre-baby lifestyle does not guarentee they will grow up to behave appropriately in those situations.

    I think it comes down to the baby (not so much what the parent has or has not done) and for a parent to say their baby 'WILL' fit into their lifestyle is a little foolish, because babies are who they are - we can't control how their personality will develop as they grow.

  11. #89
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    Quote Originally Posted by sloppykissesmonsterhugs View Post
    For a person to say that nothing about their lifestyle had changed with the arrival of a child, I would be incredibly saddened. Life needs to change in some way to accomodate this new person who has entered your life.

    To what degree it has changed depends on your parenting philosophy, your knowledge of children and the kind of lifestyle you led prior to having children. Mostly, it depends on the child themselves.

    Life changed quite dramatically for hubby and I. We expected change but, like any new experience, we weren't to know just what changes we would have to make. We went with it and continue to make adjustments that make as many people in the household happy as possible.

    I agree with you OP, this person is in for quite a shock!
    Saddened really
    By the time dh and I had had children we were over going out, nightclubbing and nights at the pub were non existant. We prefered to entertain at home or a quiet night at a friends place or the odd night out at a restaurant was as much as our social life involved and it's still that way now we have children.... we don't do anything different, just that our kids are included in what we do, it's not just us. The only thing now is we go home earlier if we are out at night to get the kids to bed at a reasonable time and it suits us fine. There's nothing sad about that!

  12. #90
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    Quote Originally Posted by sloppykissesmonsterhugs View Post
    For a person to say that nothing about their lifestyle had changed with the arrival of a child, I would be incredibly saddened. Life needs to change in some way to accomodate this new person who has entered your life.

    To what degree it has changed depends on your parenting philosophy, your knowledge of children and the kind of lifestyle you led prior to having children. Mostly, it depends on the child themselves.

    Life changed quite dramatically for hubby and I. We expected change but, like any new experience, we weren't to know just what changes we would have to make. We went with it and continue to make adjustments that make as many people in the household happy as possible.

    I agree with you OP, this person is in for quite a shock!
    Saddened...really


    Before we had kids those nights at the pub, nightclubbing were non existent, our social life included having friends over or a quiet night at a friends place. We have children and we still do those things. Nothing sad about that!


 

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