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  1. #111
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    Quote Originally Posted by OJandMe View Post
    babies never 'fit in'...

    unless you were already waking up 3-4 times a night
    and carrying around a 5kg weight all day that made distressed noises when you put it down to use the loo....



    And I always had a baby latched onto my boob before I had kids.
    I thought everyone did?


    Sent from my iPhone using Bub Hub app

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  3. #112
    dreadlockfairy's Avatar
    dreadlockfairy is offline The best things in life.....aren't things!
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    It tooootally depends on what your lifestyle was. There is no way anyone could fit their kids into a lifestyle of wine bars, heavy metal gigs & smashing it up all night. Which was my pre-kids lifestyle. I don't care how *amazingingly well behaved* my kids are ;-) or aren't - they wouldn't fit into my previous lifestyle. And there is no way I'd try & make them. Kids change everything.

  4. #113
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    Quote Originally Posted by OJandMe View Post
    babies never 'fit in'...

    unless you were already waking up 3-4 times a night
    and carrying around a 5kg weight all day that made distressed noises when you put it down to use the loo....

    Still think it depends on the baby

    DD slept through the night from very early on (5pm-6am), and apart from one patch of separation anxiety around 7mths, she wasn't carried around/ distressed all day.

    I'm sorry I'm repeating myself a little here, but I still think that your baby can fit into your lifestyle without it meaning that your lifestyle doesn't undergo ANY changes. Personally I think it's a healthy thing, and I don't think it's necessarily naive to say it - as long as you don't expect that NOTHING will have to change. Hope that makes sense?

    I still go to wine bars/ gigs too - just not every night.

    I think it partly depends on how much external support you have too. I mentioned before that we're lucky that my parents will babysit regularly and, because DD is asleep so early, she doesn't know she is being babysat - they just sit in the lounge and watch TV.

    I think it would be harder with a more demanding baby, or with less family support.

    I accept it's not the same for everyone but, on a similar note, I think those who didn't find that their babies fitted in should also try to understand/ accept that for some people they did. At the moment it seems that anyone who says their baby did fit with their lifestyle is met with incredulity/ claims that their life must have been 'home' lives to start with.

    ETA: Maybe it depends on what people want, too? Those who say their kid will fit with their lifestyle (and I was one of those) often want to maintain as much of their lifestyles as possible. I didn't want to stop doing the things I loved, I wanted to feel 'normal' and have a social life/ travel, and I didn't want life to become 'too hard' to do things like meet up with people/ be on time to things. I didn't expect DD to be invisible, nor did I want her to. So yes, life changed, but I didn't feel that my lifestyle was lacking anything that I loved.

    I think some people want their lives to change, and are happy to make changes based on their children. I was happy to make some changes, but I didn't want to sacrifice everything that I loved, and I'm glad that I haven't.

    There are a lot of doomsayers out there who predict you will give up everything/ feel terrible/ have to wait 10 years before doing anything you like again. For me, saying my kid would fit around my lifestyle, and being able to make that happen was me being adamant that the doomsayers wouldn't be right!
    Last edited by Guest654; 03-02-2012 at 08:14. Reason: coherence issues

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  6. #114
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    Quote Originally Posted by Areca View Post

    I was not one to work around my baby's naps...moved dinner times to an earlier time etc. yes but I was never the kind of parent who got somewhere and then rushed off an hour later to make sure their baby was in the car so they could sleep when it's their scheduled nap. I think I would have killed myself if I let my baby's naps rule my life.
    .
    Yes this is the same as me.I would go bonkers sticking to a rountine.
    I took my babies everywhere,was easy coz I was breastfeeding and they could just sleep whenever,wherever.
    I like to be flexible,not out having to worry I have to get my kids to sleep at a certain time,and interrupt theirs and mine fun

  7. #115
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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    some of these comments are really offensive.

    i was more than ready to be a parent.

    but my first born was born with autism, and the effects were there from the start. and NOTHING can prepare u for a special needs baby, until you have one. it has nothing to do with being 'ready' we changed our entire world to make his life easier, and now i have a second child with autism we do the same. they don't fit into the regular slots..

    congrats to all the mothers with perfect babies/lives.

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    Yeah, it does depend on your lifestyle - what aspects particularly. And your baby/toddler/child. And also how much support you have I imagine.

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    I think this issue probably plays a part in depression also. If you expect that the baby will fit in with your lifestyle and then find that things don't work out that way (ie special needs, serious reflux, unexplained medical problems, or other issues) that can be a risk factor for pnd. You start to question why things are so hard when it seems easy for others,are you doing something wrong, this isn't what you thought parenting would be like etc).

    A disconnect between your expectations and your reality can be hard to adjust to.

    After seeing what we went through my friends who are now pregnant aren't expecting the baby to fit into their lifestyle but they sure will be happy if he/she does.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DiamondEyes View Post
    some of these comments are really offensive.

    i was more than ready to be a parent.

    but my first born was born with autism, and the effects were there from the start. and NOTHING can prepare u for a special needs baby, until you have one. it has nothing to do with being 'ready' we changed our entire world to make his life easier, and now i have a second child with autism we do the same. they don't fit into the regular slots..

    congrats to all the mothers with perfect babies/lives.
    Not perfect at all lol, but I took on my cousin's autistic son (now 16) before dd was born, and had a huge role in my little brother's life, had my cousin's boy most evenings after work (in childcare) then my brother weekends and holidays, so like I said, my life pre-dd was all about kids. I babysat for other people from work a lot of weekends, too. if it made you feel bad, but yeah, from the time I was 9 when my little bro came along (also with autism) my life has revolved around the needs, and special needs, of children, at home and at work. Does that make it perfect? Not a chance, but it meant a new baby fit right in.

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  12. #119
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    My lifestyle has not greatly changed since having DS, but my Life has. I think people are muddling these up a little. I still go to uni, I go out most weekends, sure I wash a little more and my house looks like a bomb hit it a lot but my lifestyle is essentially the same.

    It comes down to having AMAZING family, who request DS visits, so I have a lot of 'me' time. Being young, none of our friends have families so there are constant social functions, most of which we go too. DS slept through very young, and stopped BFing at 11 months. Even then he slept from 7p to 7a.

    I in all honesty didn't actually think that much about what life would be like with a child when preg, because I just figured I would go with it? No two kids are the same, so I couldn't definitively say what would change and what wouldn't.

    I WAS ready for him. My lifestyle has not changed in the slightest. My life is entirely different. Very different things. I still do the same things, see the same people, act the same, wear the same clothes, go to the same gigs, eat at the same places however my life is filled up with love and happiness now. Not that it wasn't before, but things could't be better.

    (For the record- Yes my DS spends a lot of time with my parents, often a few over night stays a month. He is the light of their lives and It's hard to get him to come home happily. He loves it and it's a special time for all 3 of them. I do not, and will not feel guilty for the amount of time he spends there )

  13. #120
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    share a book.

    my comment was not directed at you.

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