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  1. #1
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    Default Did i over react?

    DH asked a girl on FB he slept with ages before we met how she was doing.

    I found the message and got quite upset as it hurts me to think about it and even tho i trust him, it just makes me think about him being with her.

    He said he would delete her, and that it shouldn't bother me at all. As it was soo long ago (7 years)

    Did i over react or was my reaction natural?
    Last edited by ShanandBoc; 31-01-2012 at 16:51.

  2. #2
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    Personally I think you over reacted. DH and I both have our exes on Facebook, with occasional interaction like that.

    Is there any reason to actually worry about them?

    I think your DH is generous offering to delete her so good on him!

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    I think other info is kinda important to whether or not his actions were appropriate, and thus whether or not you overreacted.

    Were they friends at any point? Like proper friends who chatted about stuff, rather than people who were more just aquaintances who ended up having sex? If so, then I think it's fine for him to say something to her... it wasn't anything to be worried about, after all...

    But if he had no reason to contact her - as in, they were never friends and thus how she is has never mattered to him previously... I would be wondering WHY he felt the urge to contact her now. Male/female friendships are fine, but there's plenty of girls to be friends with - no need to start one up with someone who's only contribution to your life prior was having sex with them and not much else.

  4. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to SassyMummy For This Useful Post:

    Crazyfamily  (01-02-2012),Jenga  (31-01-2012),laurea  (31-01-2012),squirrelex  (31-01-2012)

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    I would have been annoyed and said something, but I'm a very jealous person, dh knows this and now plays by my rules....We don't have ex's on fb at all.

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    WI think it is ok that you feel that way just explain to him and he shoudl understand. Sometimes Jealousy hits us for no reason at all they are feelings and we just have to deal with them Glad he is willing to let her go

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    Personally I think yes. I've been through the jealously thing! So glad we are over that stage!!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by waterlily View Post
    Personally I think yes. I've been through the jealously thing! So glad we are over that stage!!!!
    How did you move past it?

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    Hmm, maybe you overreacted a little, but it depends on how secure you are in your relationship I guess, and by that I mean has he done anything in the past like this to make you doubt him?
    If not, id leave it but make sure he knows you were a little uncomfortable with it and would appreciate it if he didnt do it again. Dont be angry at him though. Both DH and I have exs on our fb and I dont know about him, but I contact mine every now and then just to see how they are and what they are up to, sometimes im just being nosey,sometimes it's out of pure boredom.

    I wouldnt read too much into it IF you have no other reasons to be concerned.

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    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    I think other info is kinda important to whether or not his actions were appropriate, and thus whether or not you overreacted.

    Were they friends at any point? Like proper friends who chatted about stuff, rather than people who were more just aquaintances who ended up having sex? If so, then I think it's fine for him to say something to her... it wasn't anything to be worried about, after all...

    But if he had no reason to contact her - as in, they were never friends and thus how she is has never mattered to him previously... I would be wondering WHY he felt the urge to contact her now. Male/female friendships are fine, but there's plenty of girls to be friends with - no need to start one up with someone who's only contribution to your life prior was having sex with them and not much else.
    I agree.

    Please don't feel weird though i would feel hurt by it also i think. After all he initiated contact with her. I think it's natural to wonder why and to feel a bit weird about it. How would he feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

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    It depends. When you say you got 'quite upset' what does that mean? If you felt hurt and had a calm chat with DH about it and he offered to delete her off his own bat and it was all very reasonable with no raised voices or demands ec then I think that's just fine.

    But if 'quite upset' is yelling, and tears and demanding he delete her then that could be over reacting. It also depends on what was in the message. If its just 'hi, how are you going?' then I might be a bit uncomfortable about it but he hasn't really done anything wrong. I think its normal for people to get curious. But if it was telling her he missed her and thought about the past a lot, well I'd be hurt by that for sure.

    My DH was contacted by his first love a while back on FB. I was really uncomfortable but told him it was totally up to him whether he wanted to respond or not (and meant it). I wouldn't want him telling me who I could and couldn't be friends with after all.

    I think it could be a trigger to discuss what you're both comfortable with and boundaries, but without demands or accusations.
    Last edited by MissMuppet; 31-01-2012 at 18:22.

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