Help me help my friend

**ek10pk** · 31-01-2012 13:08

My friend found out last week that she is pregnant. She had a one night stand and the condom broke. She has asked me to drive with her/for her the 6hr journey to the abortion clinic (we live isolated).
Of course I agreed, she has no family even in this state, and I am her only true friend, other then acquaintances she has.
I don't disagree with her decision, I'd support her no matter what. My problem is that I would do ANYTHING to be 7 weeks pregnant right now!
She has no idea that me and my husband have been trying for almost a year, I have not told anyone Because I knew I'd have troubles falling pregnant.
My question is, how do I help/console my friend through this time when I have no idea what she would be going through, I couldn't even hypothetically consider what it would be like.
Anyone have any suggestions?

**Tam-I-Am** · 31-01-2012 13:12

Just be there for her. She'll need some support physically after the procedure, she'll be in a bit of pain and she'll need to stay at your house (or you at hers) for at least 24 hours after the termination.

Just listen, try to be as non-judgemental as you can, give her loads of hugs and let her know you're there for her. She'll probably be very exhausted after the procedure, sore, and emotionally vulnerable. It's totally okay to say "I don't know what to say - but I'm here for you" and give her a hug when you just have no words.

Good on you for being such a good friend xx

**ComeBackKid** · 31-01-2012 13:15

Wow what a great friend you are.

I cant imagine how hard it must be for you.

What you are doing is great - and I would suggest you do the same after the procedure, just be there for her and help her in the ways you can.

Even though she is confident in her decision, she may still be emotional after the procedure so just be there for her talk if she needs. Or she may be fine so it might be enough to let her know that you are always there and she can talk to you about things if feelings about it come up down the track.

Physically she might have a bit of pain or be tired after so maybe just see if she wants you to hang around to make sure she is ok while she rests or to organise dinner or something?

Im not sure as i have never been in the position to help a friend - but i have had a termination. I think just being there is the best thing you can do. And i really am amazed at your strength and kindness and compassion. You really are a great friend and your friend is lucky to have such a special person if her life

**DaisyVB** · 31-01-2012 20:32

Unfortunately you have to push any thoughts of your own issues conceiving and be 100% supportive of your friend. I know it can be very disheartening to see other people giving up their unborn babies when you would give anything to have one but sadly she isn't in a relationship and bringing a child into the world isn't realistic from her point of view.

The procedure will take a very long time, I know when I went through this it took ages because you have to go through the counselling side first to make sure that this is definitely something she wants. You have to go through the reasons for not wanting the baby and explaining the risks associated with terminating the baby.

Once it is over, depending on what method she had done... she will no doubt still be drowsy and will need you to support her weight and remind her of any steps or obstacles to be safe. She will no doubt be in a bit of discomfort / pain... so try be as understanding of the pain as you can be.

She will no doubt have some emotional difficulty coming to terms with the loss of her child. The important thing to do is to remind her of all the reasons why she didn't go ahead with the baby and do so in a positive manner. eg. You weren't able to provide the financial and emotional stability that the baby would have needed and you made the right decision. Even if you think it's wrong, it's important that she thinks that she made the right decision.

**duckduckgoose** · 31-01-2012 20:40

I don't really have any advice but you sound like an amazing friend. She is lucky to have you.

**Purple Lily** · 31-01-2012 22:43

I'm sorry I don't have any advice either I just wanted to say you seem like an amazing Kind friend

**ek10pk** · 01-02-2012 07:41

Thankyou so much for your responses. Ok so now I'm wondering, if the appt is mid morning what time will we expect to be out of there? And now I'm thinking driving home that day won't be on the cards?

She really doesn't know what's involved, and to be honest I don't think she wants too... I just want to be organized so the last thing she is worried about is a bed for the night etc

**Tam-I-Am** · 01-02-2012 08:13

She shouldn't drive for at least 24 hours after an anaesthetic and probably shouldn't be alone for that time either. The actual procedure is actually fairly quick, but it's impossible to say what time you'll be out of there as it's impossible to say how long she'll wait before going in. They'll also need to keep her in recovery until she wakes up from the anaesthetic completely and has passed a couple of basic neurological tests.

She'd probably be more comfortable in her own space so can you talk to her about you needing a bed at her house for the night? And stick around until at least the middle of the following afternoon?

**ek10pk** · 01-02-2012 08:20

The thing is we will be six hours from home, so it will be a matter of whether she will be up for the passenger ride home?

If not I will organize accommodation for that night as well.