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  1. #11
    Tam-I-Am's Avatar
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    Honestly, I don't think so...but I think common courtesy toward your fellow human being can.

    Chivalry is the idea that women are...lesser and need more courtesy, more hand-holding, door opening, they're weaklings who need to sit down more than men etc. I just don't think that those ideas CAN co-exist with feminism.

    But basic politeness? Seeing somebody - regardless of gender - struggling and offering to help them put their groceries in the boot of their car, or holding a door open for them? Absolutely that can coexist with feminism.

    I held a door open for a bloke in a computer shop the other day carrying an armload of heavy IT equipment. Had nothing to do with me being a woman and him being a man - it had to do with him struggling with a heavy load and me being courteous and having the ability to help.

    Having said all of the above, I would never get upset at somebody who opened a door for me or offered me a seat on a bus - I'd smile and thank them (and decline in the case of the seat)...politeness in refusal is just as important as politeness in offering.

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  3. #12
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    I think so, but like other posters have said, I see it as common courtesy rather than chivalry.

    I hold doors open for people, people hold doors open for me (especially appreciated when I have the pram!) and I think it's just about being aware of others and helping where you can.

    I used to give up my seat on the bus/train for elderly people, pregnant ladies or those with young kids. I didn't expect only men to do that.

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    Chivalric tales are some of the most misogynistic yarns that have ever been spun. A lady, weak and pathetic, will be locked in a tower. Or tied to a tree. Or held in a magical trap. Usually with the risk of imminent rape. The gallant chivalric knight will come along and rescue her - to prove his worth. Women are there to make him look good.

    With a history like that, no I don't think chivalry and feminism mix at all (except in the fun, ripping the stories apart kind of way).

    But that's not to say that men shouldn't hold the door open for women or help them up the stairs with their pram if they are struggling. Just not only men. And nor are they obliged to just because they have a y chromosome. It's common courtesy to be nice, to be polite and to be helpful to those that are struggling.

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  6. #14
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    I agree with Tam and Speedy.

    I prefer common courtesy displaced by all genders rather than the behaviour being isolated to men for women.

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    Yes I agree with that, but I won't ask a man why he held a door open or gave up his seat to find out if he is polite or patronising, I will simply be gracious about it.

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    Simple politeness and curtesy should replace 'Chivalry' and all people whould respect all people.

    I don't expect a student to stand up for me on PT *if* I am just as capable of standing as they are, however I do expect that the seats set aside for the eldery and disabled should be respected and then once they are full then the fit and capable should stand up for the elderly and infirm etc

    My grandfather would tell about a time when he held the door open and the woman who sailed through and rounded on him and said 'You don't have to hold the door open simply because I am a Lady" and he replied, "I didn't and you're not, I held the door open as I am a Gentleman"

    Really a simple 'Thankyou' would have done

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  11. #17
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    Yep I agree with Tam et. al.

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    In terms of chivalry (not just basic politeness) and what it actually is, no.
    I wouldn't call myself a feminist at all, but that's not to say that I don't think equality should exist.
    Of course it should, but if DP or any other male wants to open a door for me, carry the heavy bags, give up his seat, or be chivalrous in any other way, then I'll let him, and I'll take it for exactly what it is - chivalry.
    I'm comfortable enough in myself to know that it doesn't mean I'm less capable than him, lower, or weaker.

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    Quote Originally Posted by share a book View Post
    Yes I agree with that, but I won't ask a man why he held a door open or gave up his seat to find out if he is polite or patronising, I will simply be gracious about it.
    Well no, of course not. I wouldn't ask either just as I wouldn't ask a woman why she held a door open. I'd just assume that they were polite.

    I think chivalry as a term is outdated, outmoded and sexist. I don't think the actions considered chivalrous themselves need to disappear, though.

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