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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by March2011 View Post
    I am finding it hard to know if we should not tell anyone and just use anonymous sperm to save the feeling of my DH. So much to think and talk about. So far to go yet just having this chat has made me feel a million times better. I cried pretty much all last weekend both of us did on and off.

    We have decided Monday is a new beginning for us no more feeling depressed siting around the house. Time to Start eating healthy again and back to the gym for both of us.

    Thanks soooo much for the help it's a lot to take in xxxx
    The grief upon realising or believing that you're losing a dream is normal. Difficult, but normal.
    Ours lasted for more than one weekend when then andrologist conclusively confirmed Sertoli-only.

    I only mentioned it briefly in the long post, but (if you need to) if you consider that the sperm donation is made to your DH, and NOT to you as a couple or to you as the woman, then you are still using his sperm and having a baby together.

  2. #22
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    DH had an accident as a kid and suffered trauma to his testicles - only one of them works now and even then not very well! His morphology and motility are low too - 5% and 2%. He is going to freeze a sample anyway just in case.

    Our best bet probably would be donor sperm as we are that bit older. I have a nine year old daughter from a previous relationship and she is desperate for a sibling!

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by felicita View Post
    The grief upon realising or believing that you're losing a dream is normal. Difficult, but normal.
    Ours lasted for more than one weekend when then andrologist conclusively confirmed Sertoli-only.

    I only mentioned it briefly in the long post, but (if you need to) if you consider that the sperm donation is made to your DH, and NOT to you as a couple or to you as the woman, then you are still using his sperm and having a baby together.
    Thanks Felicita I think it's just the beginning of our grief as I still hold some hope for the biopsy. Even if the dr did not give us any hope. It could still work out fingers and everything else crossed.

    Thanks for the donor advice it's a great way to look at it. I am sure with time I will just be excited for any baby at the moment just angry with the world. Great to chat to you about it no one knows how it feels unless they have had it happen to them. Sick of the "it will be fine" comment but people really don't have anything else they can say. Thanks again :-)

  4. #24
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    We kept our hope even after the negative biopsy by my FS. The andrologist he referred us to next (Dr David Golovsky in Sydney, wonderful man) helped keep the hope alive because he was so sure he'd be able to find some sperm (based on physical exam and bloodwork) that we did an IVF stim cycle so that we wouldn't have to freeze them because they were going to be so precious, delicate and rare.

    As for "it will be fine", even my MIL, who knew of our problems, tried the old "just relax" on us.

  5. #25
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    Hi - just thought I'd chime in here. Felicita knows my tale already, but might help some others.

    My DH has no sperm ... literally zero. After two semen analysis results showing zero count, he was sent to Dr Derek Lok. Dr Lok did a fine needle aspiration and biopsy ... and found nothing. The biopsy results came back with a diagnosis of Sertoli cell only syndrome. Dr Lok then just launched straight into a conversation about donor sperm with us, and made it sound as if that was the only option then. He was pushing the idea of using a sibling, as DH has 4 brothers.

    We (DH in particular) were not keen on the idea of using someone we knew. So at first we dealt with the news, and came to terms with it. And then made the decision to proceed with anonymous donor sperm. However, at the time I was still recovering from fibroid surgery and couldn't do anything anyway. But started to gather information to get ready. At a follow-up visit with the gyno surgeon, we told him what had gone on & he immediately rang Dr David Golovsky (mentioned by Felicita above) & asked him to see if he could help us. Well, he found that Dr Lok had not even run some key chromosome tests on DH ... and when he did run those, he could not see any reason why DH has Sertoli cell only. He was hopeful and estimated a 50% chance of finding sperm through doing a microdissection. We decided to proceed, and started a stim cycle for me, with EPU to coincide with the day Dr G did the microdissection. We also went on the donor waiting list and got to the top just in time to choose a donor as a backup. Again, just like Felicita, there was one really clear choice that we were both so happy with. Was a fantastic match for us. We approached it slightly differently, in that we both looked through the profiles (there were about 10) independently, and reconvened to talk about them. We had both chosen the same one! And we each had another different one as options too. But I thought that one was the clear standout and as we had both independently chosen him, it was an easy decision.

    Unfortunately, on the day (which was only a few weeks ago) Dr G was not able to find any sperm in DH - there is literally none there to be found. He came out to tell me that right before I went in for my EPU. (as it turned out, DH didn't know the result at all and when they put us together in recovery after my EPU I was the one who broke the news to him) They ICSId my eggs with the donor sperm, and we had a hatching blastie transferred 5 days later. Unfortunately there was nothing to freeze, but the good news is that it worked. I am pregnant! Will be 6 weeks along tomorrow.

    DH is very glad he went ahead with the op so he will never wonder if there was a chance he could have done more. He had a few days of pain, but has recovered really well & is totally fine now, a few weeks later. And we are both very comfortable with our donor choice, and really cautiously excited about the journey ahead! We have told most family (my brother and one of DH's brothers don't know yet about the sperm/donor situation because ... well, because those particular people are a bit hopeless and very hard to get hold of to have a proper conversation with), and some close friends. We will not be hiding the donor fact at all.

    Good luck with your decision!
    Last edited by peoniesarepretty; 10-05-2012 at 20:53.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by peoniesarepretty View Post
    We approached it slightly differently, in that we both looked through the profiles (there were about 10) independently, and reconvened to talk about them. We had both chosen the same one! And we each had another different one as options too. But I thought that one was the clear standout and as we had both independently chosen him, it was an easy decision.
    Even though our (peonies and my) perspectives approaching the selection process were different, we actually both used essentially the same method to achieve selection. Rather than discuss and compromise, DH and I were going to use declare and veto. But when you both agree so completely on the one you want, you don't need to compromise or veto. It's probably not unusual to agree on donor, there's a reason why we make good couples.

    Edit: Oh, and peonies, can you recall how long the waiting list was for you. I couldn't remember that detail of your story, but I know it was a lot shorter than when I did it.
    Last edited by felicita; 26-04-2012 at 08:04.

  7. #27
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    Yes, exactly! And I would say most people would probably be looking for some similar characteristics/attributes & values as themselves or their male partner. I know we were. E.g. My DH is extremely tall, and so is his whole family - it is a real family trait. That was something that was fairly important to us - as such we were never going to choose someone short. When you throw something like that into the equation, along with any genetic or medical things you want to consider, as well as things like hair & eye colour, skin colour, and the values they express (or what they choose to let on in what they write anyway), then it will be really obvious.

    The waiting time was about 2 months for us. I had to round up/remind/agitate a little bit at the end, as it was getting to be a matter of days until my AF arrived & we didn't want to miss out on starting the cycle.


    I know there are other clinics, such as Fertility First, that don't have any waiting time. But if you're doing the microdissection with Dr G, then you kind of need to go through IVFA.

  8. #28
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    Peoniesarepretty thanks for sharing all these stories are helping me so much. Super scared and excited about what's to come.

    When you use donor sperm does the donor get access to your information ? I read that at 18 the child has the right to find the donor if they want is this true ? My DH does not want to tell anyone not even our families so he feels more like a father to the child. I think soon as he has a little baby in his arms all that will be forgotten and he will be the most amazing dad.

    Thanks xxx

  9. #29
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    The donor doesn't get identifying information about the recipients. If the donor asks then they are allowed to know the number, gender and year of birth of any children resulting from their donation.
    If the donor has conditions attached to who may receive their donation, then they'll obviously know that any recipients meet those conditions.

    At 18, the child is allowed to access identifying information about the donor (full name, DOB, last known address). Anonymous donation isn't really anonymous anymore. Donor details are stored (at least in NSW) on a central registry once a child is born.

    The sharing of information prior to the child's 18th birthday is by mutual consent. If both parties do wish to share information they can do so directly with each other, or they can go through an intermediary such as the IVF clinic.

    One of the things we liked about our donor is that he is OK with direct contact prior to our children turning 18. Although we do not want to instigate contact, we wanted that option to be available in case our children desire it.

  10. #30
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    Thanks for the information. We saw the FS this week and he said we could get sperm from Australia or America.

    We like the sound of the American because you get a lot more information on the person. We want to find someone as close as possible to my DHs looks. They only cost about $300 more then the Australian sperm. I did not have a clue how much there could be to work out to have a baby. You just think it will be easy and try you hardest when you are young not to get pregnant. Now I feel like I have done a total 360 trying to get pregnant lol.

    Thanks for the info


 

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