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  1. #1
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    Question When do you know you're ready

    Hi Everyone,
    First time poster! My husband and I have been married for several years and over this time we have had conversations about starting a family but it never seemed like the right time... financially or professionally, health wise or we're planning a vacation etc. SO - hence my username - paralysis by analysis!! There is also so much you seem to need to know about babies and parenting!! It's overwhelming.

    We are now in our 30's and I can't say that I've ever dreamed of having a children, I was waiting for that 'ticking clock' that you hear about but it's not arrived.
    My husband is a planner - so an accidental pregnancy would simply never happen so recently we decided we would just go ahead and try to have a baby sometime this year.

    I'm interested to hear from other people - how did you decide to have a baby? We're you always wanting children or did you get more excited about parenting after you conceived?

    AND possibly controversially - do you have any regrets about the timing of your pregnancy?

    Looking forward to hearing your thoughts/ reflections...

  2. #2
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    Welcome to BubHub Honestly I didnt really think about having a baby until my Niece was born, she was just gorgeous and I found myself longing to have a baby. DH and I hadn't been together for too long so ofcourse I kept quiet but a few months later I decided to bring it up and we both agreed it was what we wanted for ourselves!

    Pregnancy and Parenting is always going to be overwhelming no matter how much you read and think you know but it's the most rewarding thing. When we concieved we were terrified and excited at the same time, it really is a bit of a roller coaster! For us we had no regrets and there's honestly nothing wrong if at times you do have regrets about your timing. I think that a lot of people believe that if you wait for "the right time" to have a baby financially, emotionally, professionally then it wont ever happen...I guess its true in some ways but in other ways you want to be sure becaue a baby is Forever if that makes any sense at all lol Basically Nobody can say when the time is right but if it feels great..like you're doing the right thing and you're both happy then go for it

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Purple Lily For This Useful Post:

    laurea  (30-01-2012),Paralysis by analysis  (30-01-2012)

  4. #3
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    Thanks Purple Lily. I have no extended family and no nieces/nephews at this stage so I haven't had that moment that you describe when you held your niece.
    Most of our friends have children, several in fact, however my husband and I were travelling around the world and living in foreign cities for the years during their pregnancies and newborn phases - So all we heard about was the sleepless nights and the negative things and their desire to do what we were doing. So I guess that put us off a bit.

    I do agree with you, hence why I decided to join this group - I feel like we will never find 'the right time' so we just need to bite the bullet, as everyone says it's the best experience of your life and so rewarding despite the drawbacks.

    Thanks for sharing.

  5. #4
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    Welcome!

    I never really dreamed about having a baby either but I started feeling the urge after my hubby and I got married and all our friends started having babies! Also, my hubby is a few years older than me (I'm in my mid twenties and he is in his early thirties) so he was emotionally very ready to be a father. He felt his own clock ticking! However, we were both so caught up in just living our lives that we never really felt the "push" to get pregnant.

    We have always been very "busy" and always have things on or coming up that we are planning for such as our wedding and honeymoon, buying a house, renovating, buying a new car, holidays etc. It never really seemed like the right time to do it. But once we had finished that last of our initial renovations on the house, I said "let's do this!" and he said "Well.... OK!" and that was that. I guess we were both keen to be parents, we had done everything to lay a solid foundation (been together 6 years, married, bought a house, nicely renovated, traveled, good amount of savings etc) and so we just drew a line in the sand and said 'Life is not going to stop just we can have baby so let's just do it!'

    We are due in 6 weeks and couldn't be happier or more excited

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    For us, we could have never planned for kids. There is no way it would have worked, just needed to happen.

    For us, having kids did 'just happen'. DH was 27 & i was 21 when the kids were born.

    Dont regret my kids for one moment, wouldnt changed a thing.

  7. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to TripleTime For This Useful Post:

    laurea  (30-01-2012),Paralysis by analysis  (30-01-2012)

  8. #6
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    That's great news Future Ma, Congratulations. Your post is EXACTLY my story to a tee. Renovations, new car and all!! We wanted to get all our ducks in a row, and arguably they are.
    I just felt like I was mean't to have some sort of epiphany! It's great to hear your story. Good Luck !!!
    Last edited by Paralysis by analysis; 30-01-2012 at 14:22.

  9. #7
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    DD was not expected at all but saying that, we dont regret it and im glad she came along the way she did.

    Then we waited until the time was right to try getting pregnant again...we waited, and waited. There was always a reason not to.7 Years passed and in the end we just decided to go for it.

    There will never be a right time for me, things arent great in many areas of my life, but if I waited for everything to be perfect...id be waiting forever.

  10. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paralysis by analysis View Post
    That's great news Future Ma, Congratulations. Your post is EXACTLY my story to a tee. Renovations, new car and all!! We wanted to get all our ducks in a row, and arguably they are.
    I just felt like I was mean't to have some sort of epiphany! It's great to hear your story. Good Luck !!!
    Nope - no epiphany here! I think life is too busy for epiphany's... you literally have to make a conscious decision and schedule it in Well, that's my life anyways.

    It sounds like you and you husband have made a good solid life for yourselves and are theoretically "ready" to start a family so now you you just have to make the big call and get down to business!

  11. #9
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    For me it was as though someone hit a switch and overnight I went from being ambivalent about ever having children to not being able to sleep at night because all I could think about was how badly I wanted a baby. I was 33 and had been married for four years.

    My daughter is now nearly 8 weeks old and has brought us even more joy than I could have imagined so if we had started earlier I don't think I would have had any regrets.

  12. #10
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    Hi and welcome

    Yep, agree with PP, you just have to do it or time passes you by!

    Different things are importanat to different people. I gew up as an only child with all the love in the world but my parents had nothing and we went without a lot. When my hubby and I met we were 26 and both had certain things we wanted to accomplish. We have worked very hard since then to get into the finacially stable position that was so important to me. It has taken a lot longer than anticipated and there is so much more we want to do but all of a sudden we are now 34!

    Age was the deciding factor for us, It just snuck up on us! I always presumed I would have had 2 by now and our family would be complete.... as is we are still baking our first!


 

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