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  1. #81
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little-Pink-Hen View Post
    To me feminism is about having the choice to do what is best for you. whether that's be a fulltime/parttime working mum, sham, have kids, not have kids
    It's all about choice
    Yep for me too. And far from being anti-men, it opens up choices for men, too. My brother was able to study his Masters while his wife worked, then when she was pregnant he worked so that she could stop any time she wanted. Her plan was to finish at the Easter holidays which she did, but the option was then available for her to finish if she chose to before that date. Being home did not suit her one bit, but with Mat Leave and holiday pay she was paid until school returned this year. My brother is now home while his wife works. An option that was unlikely to be available for them a few decades ago. They are both happy now. My brother is very in tune with his son, his wife doesn't enjoy being around babies and small children. That, to me, is as far from anti-male as you can get.

    Also, the people I know who are man.haters have been rsped, abused, even tortured at the hands of multiple men. Their fear turned to anger which turned to hatred. I know men who hate women (apparently I don't count as a woman lol) for similar reasons, although not as bad.

  2. #82
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    Quote Originally Posted by MuminMind View Post
    A little OT, I know. But out of curiosity, you're not a social worker, are you?
    I am though haven't worked for a number of years now due to being home with kids.

    I would also like to see the DV stats. Bc hundreds and hundreds of peer reviewed papers show male on female DV accounts for around 90-98% of reported cases. Yes, there are lots of men that don't report it, but there are lots of women that don't too. I was one of them.

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  4. #83
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    I'd be interested in seeing the DV stats too. DP sees a LOT of DV in her line of work and the only male reported DV she's seen has been brother-brother or father-son. Not saying it doesn't happen, I believe it does, but definitely not in the numbers PP suggested.

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  6. #84
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    Have not read all responses...sorry
    But for me feminism is about having choices, it's not the choices you make (apologies to anyone who has already said this)

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  8. #85
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    Quote Originally Posted by MuminMind View Post
    Great thread.

    I'm tired, so I won't go into it in length now, but to answer the question: Yes, I think it is possible to be a feminist and still have these more traditional "duties". I must say though, that as someone who identifies as a feminist, I have found the transition to motherhood and being a SAHP quite challenging. Not everything sits comfortably with me. I might come back and elaborate tomorrow.

    A little OT, I know. But out of curiosity, you're not a social worker, are you?

    Tough Love: I know you said that you would bow out of this thread after posting your response, but I would love to see the research that you base your DV statement on. I know that you are a mens counsellor and that you obviously are passionate about men's rights, but it seems to me that you have access to very biased research. As I have said before, it concerns me that someone in your role will make such misinformed statements.

    If I could double thank this post I would because it really resonated with me.

    i think you absolutely can stay home and identify as feminist but as you said 'not everything sits comfortably me' with my transition either. I'd love to hear you elaborate because I can't really express how I feel properly. For me, I do feel that I have given up more than my husband to raise our children. I know I've gained a lot, but I've sacrificed financially, I've lost a lot of my identity, I've lost the confidence and satisfaction and feeling of achievement, competence and pride that I had from excelling at work. When the kids are sick, I'm the one being thrown up on, having to go to drs appointments, follow up with specialists. I get up all night to them every night. When something is wrong, or they aren't behaving beautifully, I'm the one people judge.

    My husband goes to work where he can focus on his career, performs well, gets rewarded, recognised, gets variety, makes friends who like him for him, and his identity is absolutely not confined to 'dad'. He comes home to a mostly clean house, washing done, meal cooked, shopping done, kids loved and fed. And my husband gets to sleep. My job is done with extreme sleep deprivation thrown in.

    Yes, I've gained a lot as a parent, but so has my husband. The kids adore him too. He gets to play with them, gets hugs and kisses too (as he should).

    I do think equality has a way to go yet.

    But I chose this. My children have medical issues and I stay home so I can help them. i feel lucky that I can stay home, despite my disgruntlement detailed above. And I don't think women who stay home can't be feminists. But then I've never actually been made to feel like I'm non feminist for it anyway. i feel somewhat conflicted, truth be told.

    As for the TL post, I have exactly the same concerns.
    Last edited by MissMuppet; 31-01-2012 at 10:00.

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    I'm always blown away by what people think feminism is and how many women think it's a bad thing or that feminists are man-haters. Because the advocacy of equality to men is not the same as hating men. I have no doubt that some feminists hate men but that is an individual hatred. I, for instance, am a feminist and I hate people that lick ice-cream sticks. That doesn't mean all feminists hate stick-lickers.

    In response to the OP, yes, I think women can have 'traditional' roles and still be feminist so long as they don't think that their gender restricts nor entitles them to those roles.

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  12. #87
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    Just in regard to the idea of choice, I would like real choice. Now what I mean by this is the difference in staying at home because you want to rather than staying at home because your male partner earns more than you for the same job.

    Women tend to sacrifice quite a bit by staying home, such as giving up superannuation.

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  14. #88
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ana Gram View Post
    Just in regard to the idea of choice, I would like real choice. Now what I mean by this is the difference in staying at home because you want to rather than staying at home because your male partner earns more than you for the same job.

    Women tend to sacrifice quite a bit by staying home, such as giving up superannuation.
    yeah, that's it. It's all very well and good for us to state that feminism is about choice - but when the RANGE of choices are more limited for one sex than for the other, it's not a genuine choice, is it...it's more like if you were talking a class, and you were given a multiple-choice test where you've only got a limited range of choices, but all the other students in the class can answer the questions however they like. It wouldn't be a fair or equal range of choices. That's the position that I think women find themselves in - there are choices a, b, c and d - but we still can't choose anything outside of that even though a range of other choices are there for most men.

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    That is true, my choices are more limited. I can choose to use childcare and work, or stay home with my children. Right now I can't really use childcare because my son has some issues that need resolving first. My husband can choose to stay home (and I work) or work and have the children be looked after by me. Either way he knows his kids are cared for by a parent. He can even choose to leave and live a single life knowing I will look after the children. If I leave him, the children would primarily be cared for by me still, and my work would have to accommodate that. If he leaves, he can choose whether to be a part of their lives and how much. And society pretty much accepts that. A mother choosing to not raise her children is judged far more harshly.

    I don't know if any of that made sense, but it boils down to this : The choice really is DH's primarily, and then I make my choice secondary to his.

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  18. #90
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    Don't mean to take this thread of course, but what does everyone mean about giving up super? Do you mean because you aren't working you are not earning super?


 

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