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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Of course. I do believe, however, that if you are going to do this you absolutely need to find some way to ensure your financial independance. However people work that is up to them, but for me while i've been home full and part time, DP and I have made sure that my super will stay the same, which we do by using his wages (but *our* money) to top up my super. I don't believe that you can be equal without financial independance.
    That is a fantastic idea I have never heard of that before.

    Sent from my BlackBerry 9100 using Tapatalk

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    I think you are mistaking feminism with equality. In my opinion, feminists are the equivalent of male chauvenists, they think their gender is superior and whilst the "original" feminist movement did fight for equality I don't believe the feminist movement represents that any more and any sensible woman today should realise that equality is what is important. Which is basically what OP has explained, just take out the word feminist

    I think that a parent (whichever parent it is) staying at home is a choice a couple makes by themselves. Usually the woman needs to take some amount of time off to recover from the birth so is the one who ends up taking parental leave (note, parental leave is available to either parent who wishes to become the primary care giver).

    We discussed DH taking the time off as I earn more. However my career is flexible, able to be done from home and able to be done on a casual/part-time basis, so we decided that it would make more sense to keep DH in his full-time career and for me to take some time off and then adjust hours and working style to suit being an almost full-time SAHM. I consider myself equal in every single way to my DH and do not need to continue to go out to an office to prove it.

    At the moment we both work full-time and share the load equally, DH washes, irons and does outdoor work; I cook, grocery shop, pay bills, clean. But when I will be at home and not working full-time I will make the lunches, dinners, do most of the housework etc. But only because that will be convinient for us both. And when DH walks through the door at the end of the day he'll be expected to share the parenting equally!

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Of course. I do believe, however, that if you are going to do this you absolutely need to find some way to ensure your financial independance. However people work that is up to them, but for me while i've been home full and part time, DP and I have made sure that my super will stay the same, which we do by using his wages (but *our* money) to top up my super. I don't believe that you can be equal without financial independance.
    The Op described my life. I also have completely separate bank accounts to my DH. I have my everyday banking, which he does pop money into weekly for groceries and the like, but I don't rely on that. I also have my own saving account, that I have had since I was 18. DH would have no clue how much is in there and I add to it at least every two weeks. I fully intend to put that money towards *us* buying a home, however consider myself financially independent.

    I am a feminist. I also do 99% of the 'home duties'. It is entirely my choice and I love it. I don't make DH's breakfast but do pack his lunch etc. He does help out around the house if he feels like it, but often I just do it. In saying that, when he gets home from work he is pretty much one on one with our son until he goes to bed.

    We have vague plans to reverse roles after I have our next baby. I will be finished uni by then and have a higher earning capacity so will work out of the home.

    We are very much equals. If you peeked into our life though, you would swear you had stepped back to the 50's. I even wear floral aprons haha

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by GM01 View Post
    I think you are mistaking feminism with equality. In my opinion, feminists are the equivalent of male chauvenists, they think their gender is superior and whilst the "original" feminist movement did fight for equality I don't believe the feminist movement represents that any more and any sensible woman today should realise that equality is what is important. Which is basically what OP has explained, just take out the word feminist
    I disagree, I believe feminism advocates equality, not female superiority.

    It's called feminism purely because to close the gap, females have been the ones who needed more rights to see them reach equality with men.

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    I'm pretty sure im not a feminist... By the end of this post im sure you will form your own opinions of me.

    I believe men are better at some jobs than women, usually the more high powered jobs...I believe women are better homemakers. It's just what we are better at..and I dont see why some people take that as an insult. It takes brains and an incredible amount of patience and strength to be a stay at home mother, it has been said it's one of the hardest jobs out there..
    I am proud to be a stay at home mother and work very hard at it.I would never want to be a man and have to go out to work every single day, hail rain or shine.

    I get that women want to have equal opportunities but I think we have taken it too far. We want equal rights but then you still want to be taken out to dinner and have doors held open for you expect women and children off sinking cruise ships first. We expect to be treated like princesses but then want the best bits of equality too.
    Women fighting in wars just doesnt sit well with me.Why on earth would you want the right to stand on a frontline and get shot?

    Now im not talking about all women here, there are a few out there that would do any job better than any man, just look at Margaret Thatcher...but the majority of women are better suited at home imo.

    I am all for us being treated equally in a workplace,but only if you are up to the job.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GM01 View Post
    I think that a parent (whichever parent it is) staying at home is a choice a couple makes by themselves. Usually the woman needs to take some amount of time off to recover from the birth so is the one who ends up taking parental leave (note, parental leave is available to either parent who wishes to become the primary care giver).
    I agree. Plus there's also the fact that men don't lactate.

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    Quote Originally Posted by missie_mack View Post
    In theory yes if she decides. But I would be left to wonder why she is responsible for serving the dinners if she is staying home for the children. Shouldn't it be an equal responsibility? I would question whether there is some underlying sense of responsibility to serve dinner to the 'breadwinner' that just hasn't been recognised

    Because in our case- the child has to eat, so I prepare food for him. We all eat at the same time, DH happens to get home at 6:30 ish, so dinner is served up pretty much as he walks in the door. If he was to cook, man, we would eat at like 9.

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    My first response is - bugger that!!!

    those 'traditions' were established by years long gone by particular ideals and expectations.


    I PERSONALLY couldn't do it.


    That one paragraph only give a snippet of this hypothetical life though...
    That woman could stand up for equality for women and be campaigning by writing letters to 'powers that be' inbetween vacuuming and baking cakes though and after she has done the dishes and rubbed her husbands back - he might return the favour - so who knows.

    It depends HOW YOU view it - from an equal rights or lifestyle perspective??


    I read an article yesterday about a woman getting offered a seat on the bus by a man and her friend having a dig at her -telling her she is not a true feminist by taking up teh offer.
    Neither the man or teh woman would have thought deeply about it - but the socialisation and gender expectations say, 'women are weak and need to sit'
    That was an interesting need.

    When it comes down to it though - only the individual can define themselves.

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  13. #19
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    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    I had a really interesting conversation with a male friend of mine once.

    I said something about "as a woman..." and he said "do you really think of yourself in the context of being a female?" and I asked him if he thought about himself in the context of being a male and he said he didn't.

    That's what they call white, male privilege - you don't have to think about what you are, because society makes assumptions enough to take that away for you.

    I actively identify as a lesbian and a woman and I know that I do this because I consider, on some level, that these are the inherent disadvantages or assumptions society in general make about me when I go to do anything. Consequently, I work harder than my average male counterpart to make sure these aren't unnecessary obstacles.

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    Quote Originally Posted by GothChick View Post
    I'm pretty sure im not a feminist... By the end of this post im sure you will form your own opinions of me.

    I believe men are better at some jobs than women, usually the more high powered jobs...I believe women are better homemakers. It's just what we are better at..and I dont see why some people take that as an insult. It takes brains and an incredible amount of patience and strength to be a stay at home mother, it has been said it's one of the hardest jobs out there..
    I am proud to be a stay at home mother and work very hard at it.I would never want to be a man and have to go out to work every single day, hail rain or shine.

    I get that women want to have equal opportunities but I think we have taken it too far. We want equal rights but then you still want to be taken out to dinner and have doors held open for you expect women and children off sinking cruise ships first. We expect to be treated like princesses but then want the best bits of equality too.
    Women fighting in wars just doesnt sit well with me.Why on earth would you want the right to stand on a frontline and get shot?

    Now im not talking about all women here, there are a few out there that would do any job better than any man, just look at Margaret Thatcher...but the majority of women are better suited at home imo.

    I am all for us being treated equally in a workplace,but only if you are up to the job.

    Yep. I am pretty sure you're not a feminist...
    You're pretty good at making gross generalisations though! well done!

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