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  1. #101
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    I've only read a few replies- apologies if I'm repeating stuff.

    I think suggesting a SAHM cannot be a feminist is completely un-feminist personally. It completely devalues women and the unpaid work we do. I really do t think cooking dinner for your family means you don't subscribe to feminism, personally I prefer to cook because it means we eat before 9 pm (he gets home at about 6-6:30, and takes AGES to prepare a meal, i enjoy cooking and getting my kids to help, and I like the food I cook and it's more nutritious.

    I also agree with tam, that as women our choices are limited so 'choice' is not always an indicator of true feminism in action. I believe this is especially true if you are a black woman, or a less able woman, or a woman from a NESB. Often 'other' women are completely forgotten in our middle class feminist ideas, it's that privilege Tam was talking about with her husband. Well, as a white woman I also try to be aware if this when thinking about equal gender rights.

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Annabella For This Useful Post:

    Tam-I-Am  (01-02-2012),twotrunks  (01-02-2012)

  3. #102
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    I don't make my husband lunch (he is a cook and eats at work), I don't iron or wash his uniforms (he's an Army cook and prefers to do them himself so they're up to the standard he needs and if he gets in trouble at a dress inspection then it's on him) and my house is far from perfect but I am a stay at home mum who gives everything to making her home a happy and loving place.And I'm a feminist.

  4. #103
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trusty Chords View Post
    I haven't read this whole post but I think if you want to call yourself something call yourself something. Will it change anything? Probably not.

    What I do question though is the subconscious issues that would have to be present for someone to find pleasure in those things. My mother was exactly that house wife who cooked, cleaned, baked, served, raised the children while my Dad worked. My mother though has huge insecurity issues and needs to still do these things to feel appreciated and wanted. She is always looking for others validation. She wants to be needed and I think for her it's a very primal need.

    Me on the other hand I don't give a crap about what anyone thinks. If you love me you will love me for who I am. There is no way I would serve my partner because I don't believe for me there is anything satisfactory about it. What I find satisfying is the mutual respect and there is no way my partner would let me do that for him because he wants us to have mutual apreciation. I also see it as a huge control issue with my mother too.
    I think you're making some big generalisations there about SAHM's. I don't 'serve' my husband infact I find that amusing I'm a strong woman that expects respect and that my husband contributes to the household. He doesn't do alot of housework, but he does alot of stuff with the kids. I have no self esteem issues, 90% of the time I *like* being home. I feel my role is a very important one and anyone that knows me here knows I'm no shrinking violet that is a "yes dear no dear" woman

    Quote Originally Posted by Annabella View Post
    I think suggesting a SAHM cannot be a feminist is completely un-feminist personally. It completely devalues women and the unpaid work we do. I really do t think cooking dinner for your family means you don't subscribe to feminism, personally I prefer to cook because it means we eat before 9 pm (he gets home at about 6-6:30, and takes AGES to prepare a meal, i enjoy cooking and getting my kids to help, and I like the food I cook and it's more nutritious.
    Agreed. I find it silly to be told bc I cook dinner most nights and stay at home there is an undercurrent I'm not feminist and I'm some feeble dominated woman. My DH said to me in bed last night "I love you so much you are such are a spirited, bright and beautiful woman".

    Nope no downtrodden esteem seeking woman here
    Last edited by delirium; 01-02-2012 at 11:33.

  5. #104
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    I actually read the woman in question in the OP to be childless - there was no mention of kids - I assumed it was just her and her husband??


    --going back to re read because admittedly I do skim stuff

    ...but -- does THAT change it for anyone??

    I am a SAHM (not a 'typical' SAHM though..I'd rather tile a room or paint the roof than polish the floor boards and cut my husband's sandwiches) ...I WANTED to be at home with my children as they were growing and never wanted to regret handing them over to a relative or daycarer - that was my choice.
    And I can understand why - if finances weren't a worry why an indvidual would prefer to stay home and potter rather than go to a job.
    But I still struggle to find what the enjoyment would be in taking care of the house and spouses needs... maybe my view is tainted by my PIL situation - which is exactly that - FIL seems to be put up on a pedastal for being teh bread winner and wouldn't have a clue how to do all the day to day runnings of teh house and MIL doesn't feel like she needs recogntion or that she can actively make decisions without consulting him because he is the one that brings in the money - therefore has teh power.
    Her kids are all grown up and out of home now so she finds herself - lost...so ironing teatowels and undies all day is how she fills in the hours.

    while I agree yes - you can be in a certain situation still have certain beleifs...I also think leading by example is a great way to express your beliefs to those around you.
    I had this argument with DP - when I asked him to start using his intitiative to wipe something down or pick something up or cook a meal (not because he was asked to nor because it was his 'turn' or he was 'helping me out') ...I also added that I want to raise our two sons and daughter to KNOW that it is not the 'woman's role' in the house to do A,B & C just because traditionally that what 'most' do.
    His repsonse was that we wil teach them that --- my response was that they will LEARN that through observation, by us leadng by example.
    Last edited by FiveInTheBed; 01-02-2012 at 09:19.

  6. #105
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    I've read over most of the replies in this thread and find it all very interesting! How very individual we ALL are, why the need to label eachother anyway?

    I am a stay at home mum. I do %100 of the housework/cooking etc. I dress in vintage style outfits quite often (hence the name vintage lover, hubby and I love thrift shopping) I style my hair/paint my nails/shave my legs-underarms-bikini, I serve my husband dinner/drink/salt and pepper, I pick up after him, I sew clothes,quilts,pretty much everything. I mend my husbands clothes, I fold and put away or hang his clothes, I take full care of our daughter.

    He takes the bin down to the road once a week... Lol

    We pay someone to look after the yard.

    All that being said, we built up two businesses together over the last six years. I've not worked for a year now. We both chose this. We are both loving it! My husband runs our business and another company exporting machines world wide. He is very busy. He does all of our finances, he pays every single bill we receive-even my mobile phone bill.

    I love it!!

    I'm sure many would frown upon it but we both love the dynamic of our relationship.. He looks after us, he gives me and our daughter whatever we need. He bought me a new car recently. He controls our money but doesn't hide anything from me...if I wanted to know anything he would tell me. He takes the weight of this responsibility because it is his choice, our choice.. Luckily we see eye to eye I guess .. but feminism is about choice and equality...not that men are evil or better..

    In my life I am free to study, sew, paint, socialize, whatever I desire..

    I would hate to have to go to work tomorrow..

    I still believe in feminism.


 

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