I've only read a few replies- apologies if I'm repeating stuff.
I think suggesting a SAHM cannot be a feminist is completely un-feminist personally. It completely devalues women and the unpaid work we do. I really do t think cooking dinner for your family means you don't subscribe to feminism, personally I prefer to cook because it means we eat before 9 pm (he gets home at about 6-6:30, and takes AGES to prepare a meal, i enjoy cooking and getting my kids to help, and I like the food I cook and it's more nutritious.
I also agree with tam, that as women our choices are limited so 'choice' is not always an indicator of true feminism in action. I believe this is especially true if you are a black woman, or a less able woman, or a woman from a NESB. Often 'other' women are completely forgotten in our middle class feminist ideas, it's that privilege Tam was talking about with her husband. Well, as a white woman I also try to be aware if this when thinking about equal gender rights.