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  1. #91
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    That's how I interpreted it. I'm going to try and make voluntary super contributions when on unpaid leave.

  2. #92
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    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    thanks kw123. If it suits your circumstance you are able to split up to 85% of your partners SGC into your own super each financial year. I know its just moving his money to yours, rather then additional but it can be helpful especially if you funding insurance etc. And also good security in the event of a seperation (even though you are entitleed to half the super - its easier if its already being distrubuted)

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    Thanks I did not know that!!

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    Feminism isn't about doing exactly the opposite of what our dutiful submissive ancestors did - its about recognizing a woman's worth and also identifying her as equal and just as able as any man in both workplaces, at home and intellectually. I consider myself a feminist, but I love toying with the idea of being a SAHM with #2. I will probably keep myself mentally stimulated and do some post grad study, but only because that's me and what I want to do
    Cue 'I am woman hear me roar'

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  6. #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    Thanks I did not know that!!
    you have to do it once the financial yr is complete and you can only do the past one or two financial yrs (Depending on the fund).

    It is generally called a spousal split or contribution split.

    We do the opposite, I am an employee and hubby is self employed so each July we split my super over to him. I just do it each yr so I don't a yr.

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  8. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tam-I-Am View Post
    yeah, that's it. It's all very well and good for us to state that feminism is about choice - but when the RANGE of choices are more limited for one sex than for the other, it's not a genuine choice, is it...it's more like if you were talking a class, and you were given a multiple-choice test where you've only got a limited range of choices, but all the other students in the class can answer the questions however they like. It wouldn't be a fair or equal range of choices. That's the position that I think women find themselves in - there are choices a, b, c and d - but we still can't choose anything outside of that even though a range of other choices are there for most men.
    I would say feminism fights to make those choices real and obtainable so it is a genuine choice. Fighting for more CC places and a society that supports working women. Equal pay so for those that want to work using CC so that is makes working viable. Fighting for acknowledgement for SAHM mums through both financial and societal support of that choice.

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    I haven't read this whole post but I think if you want to call yourself something call yourself something. Will it change anything? Probably not.

    What I do question though is the subconscious issues that would have to be present for someone to find pleasure in those things. My mother was exactly that house wife who cooked, cleaned, baked, served, raised the children while my Dad worked. My mother though has huge insecurity issues and needs to still do these things to feel appreciated and wanted. She is always looking for others validation. She wants to be needed and I think for her it's a very primal need.

    Me on the other hand I don't give a crap about what anyone thinks. If you love me you will love me for who I am. There is no way I would serve my partner because I don't believe for me there is anything satisfactory about it. What I find satisfying is the mutual respect and there is no way my partner would let me do that for him because he wants us to have mutual apreciation. I also see it as a huge control issue with my mother too.

  11. #98
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    Once again I come into this thread really late at night, and in no state to make a grab contribution, but I just wanted to comment on your post, MissPuppet. (I'm sorry for going a little OT, OP)

    Quote Originally Posted by MissMuppet View Post
    If I could double thank this post I would because it really resonated with me.

    i think you absolutely can stay home and identify as feminist but as you said 'not everything sits comfortably me' with my transition either. I'd love to hear you elaborate because I can't really express how I feel properly. For me, I do feel that I have given up more than my husband to raise our children. I know I've gained a lot, but I've sacrificed financially, I've lost a lot of my identity, I've lost the confidence and satisfaction and feeling of achievement, competence and pride that I had from excelling at work. When the kids are sick, I'm the one being thrown up on, having to go to drs appointments, follow up with specialists. I get up all night to them every night. When something is wrong, or they aren't behaving beautifully, I'm the one people judge.

    My husband goes to work where he can focus on his career, performs well, gets rewarded, recognised, gets variety, makes friends who like him for him, and his identity is absolutely not confined to 'dad'. He comes home to a mostly clean house, washing done, meal cooked, shopping done, kids loved and fed. And my husband gets to sleep. My job is done with extreme sleep deprivation thrown in.

    Yes, I've gained a lot as a parent, but so has my husband. The kids adore him too. He gets to play with them, gets hugs and kisses too (as he should).

    I do think equality has a way to go yet.

    But I chose this. My children have medical issues and I stay home so I can help them. i feel lucky that I can stay home, despite my disgruntlement detailed above. And I don't think women who stay home can't be feminists. But then I've never actually been made to feel like I'm non feminist for it anyway. i feel somewhat conflicted, truth be told.

    As for the TL post, I have exactly the same concerns.
    I think you express it perfectly, and I can relate to pretty much everything you say. I remember reading a book written by a feminist about motherhood, about how she felt that having children often result in having to live by more traditional gender roles, which can be difficult to come to terms with for someone who used to consider her relationship equal. This is what I have found too, and there have been times that I have resented my DP for seeming very comfortable with our new living arrangements. All while I feel like I am grieving a loss of my old identity at times.

    I think it is possible to maintain an equal relationship as a SAHM, but it can really challenging.

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  13. #99
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I would say feminism fights to make those choices real and obtainable so it is a genuine choice. Fighting for more CC places and a society that supports working women. Equal pay so for those that want to work using CC so that is makes working viable. Fighting for acknowledgement for SAHM mums through both financial and societal support of that choice.
    Yeah, but that's sort of my point If we don't have feminism then the range of choices - no matter what those choices are - are never going to be truly equal to the range of choices open to men.

    It's part of why I don't like the "But it's her CHOICE!" rhetoric that's often bandied around. Sure, it's her choice - but when she had a choice between x and z, instead of the whole array of choices that were open to her male counterpart in a similar situation, it wasn't really a free choice was it, you know?

    Quote Originally Posted by MuminMind View Post
    Once again I come into this thread really late at night, and in no state to make a grab contribution, but I just wanted to comment on your post, MissPuppet. (I'm sorry for going a little OT, OP)



    I think you express it perfectly, and I can relate to pretty much everything you say. I remember reading a book written by a feminist about motherhood, about how she felt that having children often result in having to live by more traditional gender roles, which can be difficult to come to terms with for someone who used to consider her relationship equal. This is what I have found too, and there have been times that I have resented my DP for seeming very comfortable with our new living arrangements. All while I feel like I am grieving a loss of my old identity at times.

    I think it is possible to maintain an equal relationship as a SAHM, but it can really challenging.
    I very much agree with this, and think that it's more challenging in some areas than others. I'm not even a SAHM anymore - my DH has been a SAHD for most of the past 3 years, we've only recently BOTH started working - but there are certain aspects of our relationship where he is privileged (not malicious, but privileged) and if I don't really work at it he doesn't see or care to do anything about that. So while we split all housework not done during the day equally, he has, for example, felt freer to use our family's resources (time, money, energy) on his own pleasurable or leisure pursuits than me. He's felt more free to spend nights out of the home than me and more often, etc.

    It's hard to find a balance...his privilege can be positively overpowering, and yet he's one of the most equal-minded men I know. He is appalled when he realises how privileged he can still be sometimes.

    It's hard to find that balance - and even harder when, in finding the balance, he's labelled 'pu$$y whipped' by his friends for treating me as an equal and with respect - and I'm labelled a ball breaker for expecting equality and respect from him.

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    I often get the "Oh he's so good to babysit while you go out!" Where's my praise for looking after the kid when he goes out?

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