+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    417
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked
    17
    Reviews
    0

    Default Worried about DH's thoughts on labor and birth...

    My DH is a hard worker and always does everything he can for people. He's kind and generous and has great morals on nearly all subjects!! ....

    however... after we decided to start trying for a baby, he made a few comments about pregnancy, labor and birth being "easy"... "women for millions of years have given birth, it's what your bodies are built for, there's women who work in the fields and give birth one day and go back to work the next..." obviously i was mad about this, it was like a "so just suck it up and spit it out" kinda thing...

    my DS is 10yrs old (to a different dad and I was only 17yrs old at the time) and i had the easiest labor and birth, a great epidural, not an ounce of pain and didn't need stiches etc... so i'm freaked out about this time... DH is 37 and doesn't have any kids, but is so excited about finally having a baby and he'll be an awesome dad!! but i try and talk to him about the birth, that i'm freaked out and scared about it and i'm worried about the pain this time etc.... he says he understands, but he still makes light of the subject, but says he's not... I just can't believe that a huge thing like this he can make light of and say it's no big deal...

    I'm not sure what to do to make him care and support me a bit more... and make him realise that labor and birth is not a walk in the park... I get so mad and we end up in a fight... I'm going to do the antenatal classes this time only because I think it might help him change his thoughts on the subject...

    Has anyone elses partners acted like this? did they change their thoughts and act differently when the time required it?

  2. #2
    Shortiii's Avatar
    Shortiii is offline Baby H v2.0 - Anticipating April release
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    784
    Thanks
    62
    Thanked
    63
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Yep. My DH wasn't much support with the birth labour thing...He laughed at me in pain and was cracking jokes and tying me to the bed by my gown. He does that when hes nervous too though.

    In fact it's worse now because i'm not a loud person and instead of screaming my lungs out I kind of just took it in myself and was very quiet and still during contractions. Now he thinks it was super easy and not very painful, so i will be a breeze for me this time.

    I remember it being the most excruciating experience of my life.. I've never forgotten it, I am petrified again.
    I have tried to make him understand and be more sympathetic... but hes who he is and without actually going through labour himself I think he just will never understand or comprehend. Silly men.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    698
    Thanks
    122
    Thanked
    131
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    My DP would say the exact things yours does - have been doing it for hundreds of years, can't be that bad if ppl go back for round two etc.

    I think it was a few things:
    A) guys genuinely have no idea how hard birth is until they see it
    B) guys just want to make you feel better, and their way of doing it is to use logic
    C) they are telling you all the reasons they have figured out to make *themselves* feel better - if they really thought about you going through that, they would freak themselves out.

    DP ended up being amazing during my 5 day labour marathon, my absolute rock :-)

    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    495
    Thanks
    49
    Thanked
    56
    Reviews
    0
    If my DH was like this I'd be getting him to read some of the birth stories on BH!! I know theres some shocking stories . Maybe then he will realize not everyone just pushes a baby out and goes to work the next day!
    I think on the day once you are screaming in labour he will be very supportive of you if he normally is when your not preg. I had to go to the the labour ward for monitoring alot during my last pregnancy and so DH and I heard lots of babies being born... DH was horrified lol he never once said anything bout millions of women do this every day you will be fine.. Was more along the lines of holy crap I'm glad it you not me I couldn't do it!!
    Good luck

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Country WA
    Posts
    6,640
    Thanks
    3,131
    Thanked
    3,023
    Reviews
    13
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by changethestars View Post
    A) guys genuinely have no idea how hard birth is until they see it
    B) guys just want to make you feel better, and their way of doing it is to use logic
    C) they are telling you all the reasons they have figured out to make *themselves* feel better - if they really thought about you going through that, they would freak themselves out.
    I agree with that. They have no idea at all what it is like to be pregnant or give birth. My DH was understanding, but when I was pregnant with DS and ever said I was tired in front of the FIL, I would get told that a lot of women have it worse than me and that kind of thing. Which used to p!ss me off as I was 30 odd weeks, tired, was working 9-10 hour days with an hours travel on top of that and just felt like I wasn't allowed to be tired in his eyes! Funnily enough he was a lot more sympathetic when it was HIS DD who was pregnant and tired

    Perhaps you could get your DH to watch a birth video? One that shows him exactly what happens? Or ask him how he thinks pushing something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a ping-pong ball (love Murphy Brown!!) is "easy".

    It might be rewarding to get that little baby at the end, but it's certainly not easy!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Posts
    174
    Thanks
    48
    Thanked
    87
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by webby View Post
    My DH is a hard worker and always does everything he can for people. He's kind and generous and has great morals on nearly all subjects!! ....
    I think if you have a generous, helpful man with great morals then you need not worry. Your DH MAY think he's being supportive by trying to remain upbeat and positive about the whole thing. It would be a common reaction from a man who likes to help others and 'fix' things. You might find that the more you try to tell him your fears or relay horror stories, the more he will try to play it down. If he sees that you are anxious then he will not want to add his own fears to the mix. So, if I was you I wouldn't try to hard to try and change his mind.

    Like the others have said, once you go into labour and he's confronted of the reality of not only your birth experience but those of the other women in the rooms around you, things will most likely be very different. I don't think he will be able to witness the blood, the pushing etc, etc without being able to have anything but a huge amount of respect for the woman going through all of this so that his baby dreams can come true. I'm sure he will be very proud of you and probably completely exhausted from the experience himself

    Best of luck xx

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Perth
    Posts
    698
    Thanks
    122
    Thanked
    131
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    When I finally got to hospital, there was a lady in the room next door *screaming* giving birth to breech twins. DP goes "suddenly I have a whole new appreciation of what she is going through!"


    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    253
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked
    28
    Reviews
    0
    I am worried about similar things - so I've asked dh to do beer and bubs (google it) instead of antenatal classes, he said no at first but I said its only two hours and it would mean a lot to me, so he is going along, it's for men only and looks really good in my opinion!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    8,794
    Thanks
    3,395
    Thanked
    3,081
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Ask how it might feel to pass a whole watermelon.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    417
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked
    17
    Reviews
    0
    Quote Originally Posted by MrsE_MrD View Post
    I am worried about similar things - so I've asked dh to do beer and bubs (google it) instead of antenatal classes, he said no at first but I said its only two hours and it would mean a lot to me, so he is going along, it's for men only and looks really good in my opinion!
    I've heard of the Beer and Bubs class, It does look good. Yeah I think that's a good idea. It's a mans perspective.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Worried - any thoughts?
    By EchoSummers in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 03-06-2012, 16:59
  2. Replies: 5
    Last Post: 18-04-2012, 23:26
  3. Braxton Hicks??? Pre-Labor??? Labor???? I'm confused!
    By Mummy2Be20 in forum Birth & Labour Questions
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 07-12-2011, 15:28

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Softmats
With so many amazing reversible designs, the soft and cushioned Premium Bubba Mats are the perfect space for all the family. Not only do they look fantastic; you can also enjoy the quality and comfort for years to come.
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
TPS Health Physiotherapy and Pilates
TPS Health Physiotherapy and Pilates has three clinics located at Morningside, Redlands and Lutwyche. We offer pre and post natal services as well as physiotherapy and Pilates. All clinics offer child minding services so bubs are always welcome!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!