ex supposed to visit our 3 kids (2, 4, 7) 3 days a week (tue, fri, sat).. most weeks that doesn't happen
he won't 'confirm' when he will turn up
his life is a mess (owes money everywhere/debt collectors rining up)
he never has his phone on/refuses to answer even if he has the kids/does not respond to texts (recentlly said 'listen no phone no visit.. to which he said 'okay I won't bother visiting the kids' all this in front of our children) ended up having to back down on that one because he just wouldn't see the kids anyway
he has mental health issues (depression/compulsive liar/prescription drug addict)
this week.. usual issues.. never know when he's coming/if he's coming..
tue said he'd collect son from school if raining - it was raining so text to confirm.. no answer.. I rang.. no answer.. left message.. ended up collecting our son, just as well I did as he didn't show
thur - said he 'might' pop by after work at 2pm.. didn't show, no answer to calls/texts
friday - no show/no reason given
wanted to swap saturday visit for sunday... text me yesterday to say he'd be round at 9am.. I text back to ask if he was taking our youngest son (he rarely takes all 3 of them for a day visit as it's too much for him) no answer back..
this morning 7 am text saying 'not coming will see them tue'
now I couldn't give a rants if he turns up or not (frankly it's one day less I have to see his pathetic face/lies etc..) but what do I tell the kids?
I text him and said he really needed to tell the kids himself he wasn't coming.. no answer.. text again and said 'just letting you know 7 year old is getting very angry about this' .. no answer
my oldest (7) is getting this sort of inner rage.. I can see it.. he's starting to become an angry young boy.. the other two (2, 4) don't seem to notice.. my daughter doesn't really care that much but my son (2) is asking all weekend for daddy so think it's a boy/dad thing.. they need their dad.. just so sad for them. so frustrated. don't know what to say to them.. I just try to keep it short and simple 'daddy's not coming, I don't know why' and I'm sorting of saying to them 'well did you really expect him to turn up?' to which they say 'no'.. I don't want to bad mouth him as that doesn't help the kids.. but really.. what do I say? just trying to lower their expectations but really.. how much lower can they go?
my 7 year old was crying this morning about it and it breaks my heart - they will grow up to hate him (and it will all be my fault won't it according to ex).. just sad.. the boys need their dad, they have no father role model - none at all!
my step dad is great and helps out a bit but he's 62.. he took them for a little swim yesterday and when he found out ex wasn't showing today he offered to take them out for a little bit to the shops for a cake.. but really it's not his job - they have a father.. just glad my step dad is there really otherwise I'd really worry when they become teenagers they will be angry young men..
advice welcome... what to say to kids (esp oldest)?, how to deal with difficult ex that won't stick to visitation times/won't turn phone on.