+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 10 of 10
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    111
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    30
    Reviews
    0

    Default Urgent advice needed - mum in despair

    Hi

    I'm after some advice re my almost 14-month-old son, who has recently gone a wee bit feral. I'm really stressed and unhappy about it. Apologies for the long post.

    Unfortunately, we had to start him in daycare 3 weeks ago so that I could go back to work. I'm working part-time but the nature of my job means that I only have one day off per fortnight, so he's in care 4 days a week (with me one day, Mum one day). There were a few tears on the first couple of days, but now he seems to be OK when I drop him off and really happy when I collect him. At first he had trouble sleeping at daycare and they said he was terribly hard to put down, but he would have another nap when he got home; now, he's sleeping quite well there but at different times of the day.

    Anyway, this is what used to happen when I was at home with him:
    Woke up between 5 and 6 am.
    Had a morning sleep beginning between 8:30 and 10, lasting 1-2.5 hours. I would cuddle him for a few minutes, with music, and he'd fall asleep beautifully. [I know some people don't agree with cuddling to sleep but that's what worked for my strong-willed little guy.]
    Started resisting the afternoon sleep around 9 months so I gave up the fight. But then he'd recently gone back to having another short nap in the afternoon on some days. I just played it by ear.
    Went to bed between 5:30 and 7 pm (usually 6/6:30), depending on whether he slept in the afternoon. Bedtime routine = dinner, bath, milk, then cuddles with Dad which took a little longer. Usually slept through the night but occasionally woke and needed soothing.

    Ever since starting daycare, his sleep patterns have gone out the window, he has woken up whimpering or screaming at least once a night, and he has worked his way up to a full-on screaming, arching tantrum every time we try to put him to bed. Two days at home with him this week he has only slept 20-40 minutes during the day; the 20 mins was because he fell asleep in front of TV (I know, don't judge me - that's not typical procedure). He starts carrying on when we go into his room, and he won't let us sit down to soothe him like he used to. A few nights, he's been up all afternoon then had massive tantrums beforel finally falling asleep at 9 pm - once because I sat in front of the tennis with him. He's clearly tired, but he refuses to go to bed. My back is sore from holding him when he goes rigid and arches. But in all this awake time, he's generally pretty happy and playful, even if tired. At daycare he now sleeps (one day for 3 hours in total). They tell me they cuddle him for a little while then put him in cot and pat him when he cries. I don't agree with controlled crying at all, but that's not really what they're doing, is it? He would scream the place down. I'm wondering if he's feeling scared to go to sleep because he feels abandoned by the way they get him to sleep?

    Anyway, this is making me tearful and stressed, not to mention physically and mentally shattered. I know he's about to walk, he's starting to be independent, he's been teething at times lately and quite sore ... but really this looks like it's a reaction to daycare. I'm worried he's developing severe anxiety and/or not getting enough sleep. As for myself, I'm a wreck and finding being back at work (I'm a teacher) even harder. To be honest I never wanted to return to work and put him in daycare, but we have no choice and he does seem to enjoy it.

    Does anyone have any advice on surviving this stage? He's never been an easy baby - reflux for 8 months, often a bit hard to get to sleep (he doesn't just flake out on the floor!), but a great sleeper once he's down. Now, the sleep thing has become unmanageable.

    Tiki

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    in a wormhole
    Posts
    2,769
    Thanks
    4,600
    Thanked
    2,802
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I'm sorry I have no words of wisdom but just wanted to give you some . That sounds incredibly stressful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    2,654
    Thanks
    736
    Thanked
    423
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I have no advice really but huge hugs.

    Maybe one day you could go and observe (from a distance) the way they get him to sleep. You would hear his cries from the hall if he is distressed. (The hall so as not to let him know you're there) If you feel they'd act differently knowing you're there, just "drop in" around his sleep time and speak to the director - as mentioned - if he is crying you will hear him from the hall.

    Have you spoken with the team leader of the room to see if they can shed any light?

    I'm sorry you're having so much trouble with sleep time & cc. Hugs xx


    Mummy & Daddy - expanding our family! Our little man born April 2011 and now expecting another munchkin in August 2012! Loving it!!!!!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    111
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    30
    Reviews
    0
    The problem is, he doesn't really have a regular daytime sleep time now - I guess most days they write down that he's asleep around 9, but not every day. Then if he has a second sleep it could be any time. And I'm usually at work in the mornings and pick him up at 3, so I can't really go in there to observe how they get him down. When he first started the group leader said "Wow, he's hard to get to sleep!" - but it was his first day in a totally unfamiliar environment, and it had been a rough day because they'd tried to start him in the toddler room and he hadn't coped, so he'd been moved to the nursery. I told her that he wouldn't go to sleep by just being put in the cot. Then on the third day they didn't get him down until 12:40 (he gets up at 5 am!) and he only slept for 15 minutes. He's being disturbed by other babies crying, too, and waking up. She then told me that the next day she was going to really concentrate on working out how to get him to sleep - but I mean, I wrote all the details on his orientation form before he started. I asked her again on Friday and she said they cuddle him for a while, then put him in the cot and pat him when he cries. So I don't think they actually leave him in there crying - it wouldn't really be worth the disruption to the other babies! I guess all I can do is take her at her word.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    1,779
    Thanks
    327
    Thanked
    940
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    It might take a little while for him to settle into the new routine with sleeping - 3 weeks isn't a long time so hopefully in the near future he will start to sleep well.

    In the meantime is there anyone that can watch him while you are able to get some sleep when you are not working? I know that it can be hard to ask for help but there is no shame in it.

    Ask the day care to keep very detailed notes on his routine for a week so that you can see what is happening, when he eats, sleeps, plays, how long it takes him to fall asleep etc

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun 2010
    Posts
    111
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    30
    Reviews
    0
    I looked back at my notes and they have mostly put him to bed around 9 each day, which is great. There have been some days when he didn't go to bed until after lunch, though. So his morning sleep times are around about the same most days. Afternoons are a bit more fluid. It's the way he's put to bed that has changed (less cuddling, crying in cot), as well as the sleep environment - different bed, more noise, interrupted sleeps, etc. And so now when we try to put him to bed the way we always have, in his cot, he throws tantrums. He's tired, so I don't think it's the times we're getting wrong. If we try to put him into bed after a short cuddle and pat him like they do, he screams his lungs out and stands up, getting more and more worked up. He starts crying and arching as soon as the cuddle starts - I thought maybe he didn't want to be cuddled anymore, but their method is just not working at home. That's why I thought it was an anxiety issue - at home, he'll do anything in his power to fight being put in his cot and he wakes up crying throughout the night.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    5,530
    Thanks
    377
    Thanked
    1,526
    Reviews
    7
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    can you ask daycare more questions - how long does he cry for? Does he get really distressed? Does his cries upset the other babies? Patting in cot is definitely different to cc but I do understand your worries, totally. I think it wouldn't hurt to tell daycare that you've noticed he's really hard to get to sleep now and you are worried he's unsettled because of the daycare thing.

    Sometimes ds (12mo) goes through phases of a few weeks where every sleep is a massive battle and he screams his head off. We cuddle or rock him to sleep and often he'll scream for an hour before he goes down. And he has never been CC'd.

    I understand the feeling of stressing about how caregivers are around sleep. My DS is looked after by his grandparents and his grandmother doesn't cuddle him to sleep but rocks him in the pram and sometimes he's crying when this is going on.

    Could your DS also be upset because of separation anxiety? Maybe he doesn't want to go to sleep because he's worried you'll leave him? Has he been extra clingy at home?


  8. #8
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    679
    Thanks
    199
    Thanked
    159
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I think it sounds like separation anxiety and being overtired. He sounds like he is frightened of going to sleep and has developed an aversion to the process of going to sleep because things have changed and all of a sudden he is expected to go to sleep in an entirely different environment without his music and his mummy cuddles. Understandable.

    It really sounds tough on you both, I know the pain of sleep issues too.

    Maybe you could try Family Daycare instead? That way its only 3 other kids and one carer who really gets to know your child and routine.

    I think you just need to persevere with trying to keep daycare routine and your home one the same in regard to getting him to sleep and really try to ensure they are not letting him get distressed which will only make him worse. There is a big difference between them letting him grizzle while they pat him and him being really upset and needing comfort and I think you need to somehow know for sure how he is going to sleep for them.

    Hugs.

    Does he get upset for your mum too?

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Outer North Melbourne
    Posts
    1,857
    Thanks
    435
    Thanked
    340
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I have worked in Childcare for nearly eight years so just wanted ti give you some perspective from the child care side of things. When children are in Childcare the parents need to work with the Childcare to develop a routine that works for everyone . It is not practical to have a routine that requires the carers to cuddle your DS to sleep as they have many other children to look after also. Think about how you would feel if your DS was not getting the time and attention he deserved because one of the carers was spending a long time cuddling another child to sleep each day. it is completely normal for children to be unsettled and overtired for the first few weeks when going in to Childcare. Their whole little world has changed and they don't understand it. It takes time for children to develop a bond with carers and become comfortable in their environment , some children settle quickly and others take months. I would approach the team leader and let her know that your current routine no longer works now he is in care and understand that some things are not practical in the Childcare setting so can you discuss a routine that would work at care and at home. At 14 months it may be a good idea to start transitioning your DS to one day sleep instead of two, perhaps is us not tired enough to go down for an afternoon nap but is overtired by bedtime . If he is taking a long time to get to sleep in the morning can you hold off putting him down until after lunch? You would have to try it for a few days to know if it's effective or not as changing sleep cycles is really hard gig the first few days .


    Sent from my iPhone

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    budgewoi
    Posts
    156
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    29
    Reviews
    0
    I to have worked in Childcare for several years and have worked with new babies coming into care it is essential that he form an attachment to a Carer at his centre I feel that that WOULD have the staff to help transition him to sleep I to would suggest putting him down after lunch it will be tough but you need to stick with it both at home and at care you have every right to let them know how you would like things done if they are a quality centre then they will tell you how they can help!!!! Try taking something of yours in like a pillow case photos of you all that way daycare is an extension of home! Good luck


    Sent from my iPhone using Bub Hub app


 

Similar Threads

  1. Fairly urgent advice needed
    By Steph83 in forum Pregnancy Health Issues
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 18-11-2012, 11:33
  2. Urgent advice needed: C/S Under GA?
    By codex in forum Losing a child
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 24-12-2011, 04:27

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Nice Pak Products
Australian Made and Owned. The Baby U Goat Milk Skincare range is enriched with soothing goats milk sourced from country, Victoria. Goat's milk has a pH level close to that of our own skin and contains natural sources of amino acids and vitamins.
sales & new stuffsee all
True Fairies
True Fairies is the first interactive website where children can engage and speak with a real fairy through the unique webcam fairy portal. Each session is tailored to the child, and is filled with enchantment and magic.
Visit website to find out more!
featured supporter
Be In Blossom
We offer physiotherapy run pregnancy Pilates, pregnancy Aerobics, and Mummy Pilates & Baby Massage classes with a focus on optimising posture, body awareness, pelvic floor support, back care and maintaining fitness, aiming to assist women prepare and recover from their birth.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!