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  1. #1
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    Default Discipline and boundaries for toddlers

    would love to hear how you discipline todders/children?
    Hubby and I have tried doing the time out with our toddler which is successful but I feel uncomfortable with this! It conflicts with my beliefs and how I want to relate to my kids.
    Any tips would be appreciated.

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    I have no specific tips because my DD is only 14 months, but like you time outs and punitive discipline don't sit right with me at all. One online resource that I particularly love is Aha Parenting. It has detailed advice for each age group and you can sign up for free regular parenting advice emails.I'd also highly recommend the books "Playful Parenting" by Lawrence Cohen, "Unconditional Parenting" by Alfie Kohn and "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber and someone else who's name I can't recall. "Parent Effectiveness Training" is also fantastic and inspirational. Hope this helps and that others will be along with words of wisdom

  3. #3
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    I'm reading " children are people too" seems great. I've only got a 14 month old too. Good luck

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    I don't think most kids understand discipline until about age 3? I think?

    My son is almost 2 and the only times we've had to correct his behaviour is when he bites (he's stopped all together now) and when he's going too close to the oven or doing something which could result in him hurting his little self. Basically it's just a matter of firmly making eye contact with him and saying "no" in a firm voice. So far, so good.

    I'm sure I'm in for a much harder time the older he gets LOL. I've always wanted to read the book Gypsybum suggested so will do that. Time Out doesn't really sit that well with me either and we don't believe in smacking or yelling so will pick that book up soon I think.

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    Jasper is 3, until the last 6 months the main 'discipline' is distract & redirect. There's not much point telling off a toddler under 2.5 that can't speak (much) & doesn't understand in my opinion. Though he's been pretty 'good' too, so that's helpful.

    Now he's 3 often we have to constantly remind him of consequences. He's started being combative about little things. We do start with natural consequences, like 'if you can't play properly with that toy I'll take it off you' (after being told HOW to play properly with whatever, lately it's 'cars go on the floor not on the walls' ) though then we do do time out. He gets a warning. Count to 3. Time out. Which is sitting beside the front door in the main living room for 2 minutes. It rarely actually comes to that though.

    But generally jasper is really well behaved, so discipline usually is pretty easy, because he does want to do the right thing unless he's tired, hungry or over stimulated. So I also have always reflected on why he's misbehaving when he's misbehaving - what happened before it started - and try to avoid situations where he's likely to become combative or misbehave. And I acknowledge it 'I know your hungry but you can do XYZ' 'I know your tired but you can't have that' and give him cuddles.

    I dunno if that helps.

  6. #6
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    From as early on as I remember, we explained to DD when she was doing something we didnt like and then we redirected her attention. If she refused, I would raise my voice slightly and say 'NO', then try redirecting again. If she still refused to stop, depending on the situation, I would walk away from her and give her no more attention until she stopped doing whatever it was she was doing.
    Some of the time I remember coming in and catching her doing something id rather she didnt do, like pulling all the tissues out of the box,but you have to pick your battles. If you go around telling a toddler off every single time they do something you'd rather they didnt do, you'd lose your voice after the first day lol.

    With the tissue thing, I dived back out of the room before she saw me so that she didnt think I was letting her get away with it, had she of seen me, id have had to tell her to stop as I wouldnt want her thinking that was acceptable behaviour.
    I think we really tried to not tell her off as much as possible and see things from her point of view. Even now, when DD writes on a rubber eraser with a biro pen, DH went to tell her that wasnt acceptable, but I said to him 'have you ever done it? Its actually pretty fun and I remember doing it myself when I was a kid'....
    We told her off as little as possible so that when we did have to tell her off (for something big like sticking her finger in a plug socket) she was shocked and really took notice.


    This is generally for the toddler years though , the rules change again once they hit 3 imo.

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  8. #7
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    My little man is just 17 months. It's just the two of us. To be honest the way I respond to him varies depending on my mood/patience levels on any guven day. Being a toddler he is always non-stop into mischief and it drives me nuts, but I either speak very sternly to him 'NO' or simply let him see I'm annoyed and walk away from him. Or as someone said above, distract him. But i quickly get over it and once he has got the 'no' message i go up and chsnge the subject or start a new activity. He's too adorable to hold on to anger with got long though.


 

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