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  1. #11
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    ONOL; something like that ;p lol


    Any1 can be a father.. It takes a special someone to be a dad, and a greater person to be a stepdad

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    skebn  (27-01-2012)

  3. #12
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    My dh's job ended up being observer and drink holder. During heavy contractions towards the end, I would turn my head towards him and open my mouth. He would stick the drink straw in. When the drink was empty, he'd quickly get another so I didn't get too dry.

    His other job which was only required in my first birth was advocate/standover man. When the stand in obstetrician tried to stitch me without anaesthetic for the 3rd time and I told him I wanted anaesthetic and he protested, Dh stood up, gave him his dangerous look and told him to give me "the damned anaesthetic". The obstetrician did and didn't say another word to either of us, even when he was leaving the room.

  4. #13
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    You will be fine! I've heard great things about those bnb nights.

    I apologised to my dh in advance because I thought id do the "this is yourrrrrr fault" thing lol. Infact I surprised both of us and was pretty good most of the time. He stayed with me, all the time, and told me how great I was doing.

    Reassure your wife how great shes doing and just be there. I wouldn't let go of my dh's hand the whole time, and honestly him letting me squeeze his hand was the best thing he could have done. I'm sure you're aware - but don't tell her to be quiet if she's loud... Or force her to talk if she's being quiet.

    You can offer back massage, heat packs, water or ice chips, and just general love & support. Stand up for her to the staff if needed, and if they want to intervene for some reason and your dw is not sure - you can be the one to ask the questions and clarify why they need to do something.

    It really does come naturally. I am so proud of my husband for being such a great support and while I had a tough job birthing, he also had a very tough job supporting.

    I'm sure your dw will be as proud of you as you will be of her. It's a very intense experience but it is truly amazing and nothing will ever compare.

    Good luck!


    Mummy & Daddy - expanding our family! Our little man born April 2011 and now expecting another munchkin in August 2012! Loving it!!!!!

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    if you wear a ring, take it off for the labour. if your partner is squeezing your hand, rings can hurt.

  6. #15
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    Oh, and don't make small talk with the middie or ob while your wife is having contractions. ! Lol


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    Quote Originally Posted by moongazer View Post
    Oh, and don't make small talk with the middie or ob while your wife is having contractions. ! Lol
    X100. In fact don't make any noise (eg. no phone fiddling, pen clicking etc) and try to keep others from making noise too. Use "the look" and a finger over your lips to quiet people who think chatting in the labour room is appropriate.

  8. #17
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    Sneak her food if she hasn't eaten all day - just keep the chuck bag handy just in case. Or just ply her with lollies ;p

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    skebn  (27-01-2012)

  10. #18
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    Congratulations dude! Being a dad is the best thing that ever happened to me! My ex-DW had both our girls naturally so I can give you a few tips from that POV!

    1. You're her person, her champion. Make sure you know exactly what it is that she wants to do and fight for her if she needs it. If hospital staff start to do something that you know she doesn't want to do, you have to fight the fight - she's in no position to do so!

    2. Your partner will want to push when she's not meant to and she will want to give up when she's meant to push. This is the hardest things she has ever had to do. You need to guide her to the end. It's team work - she's the athelete you're the coach. The midwife will tell her when and what but it will be up to you to persuade, reason with, etc with your partner so that she keeps going.

    3. Always keep up the positive comments. "You're doing great honey!" "You're not far off now!" etc. This will mean SOOOO much to her.

    4. Be the "fetcher" of things. Water, an extra pillow, etc.

    That's about all I can tell you mate. I know for me they were two of the best days of my life when my two daughters were born. I hope that everything goes great for you!

  11. #19
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    I agree with not talking in the middle of contractions. If you do say anything make it constructive - ie if she's holding her breath during contractions remind her to breath like she's breathing oxygen down to the baby in a soothing, quiet, calm voice.

    In a hospital there may very well be cause for you to advocate for your wife. If ANYBODY tries to do ANYTHING to her without her consent, PLEASE don't just stand there and let it happen. I know hospitals can be overwhelming, especially for dads who get shunted to the side all too often - but at the moment, it's estimated that 30% of women leave hospitals with trauma symptoms and mostly that's because they've felt out of control - sometimes that's because doctors and midwives have performed procedures or checks on a woman's body without her consent. If she's saying 'no' or trying to get them to stop - make it happen. She is the boss of her own body, even if you think that they're only trying to help.

    You can also advocate for her by asking questions. If a doctor or midwife tell you and/or your wife that x needs to happen, remember

    BRAN:
    Benefits
    Risks
    Alternatives
    do Nothing? (ie what would happen if we did nothing)

    It should be the standard list of questions that are asked any time a procedure is proposed - even a vaginal exam. they don't NEED to know how far dilated your wife's cervix is, it doesn't provide them any information except what's going on RIGHT NOW (ie in 10 minutes the number could be less - cervixes are sphincters, they can open AND close throughout labour, and can do either very quickly), they can be painful and introduce infection, and they can be very disheartening - if your wife has been labouring for a while and hears "You're ONLY 4cm", it's likely to upset her...and it might be that she was just about to dilate from 4cm to 7 in the space of 10 minutes but that the disappointment creates a physiological response that prevents that from happening, for example.

    So, in short - there are lots of things that will be your job. General hand-holder, drink-getter, back-rubber, encourager (not during contractions!), advocate. It's a WAY important job.

    Good luck And congratulations on your bub!

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    Bubbles10  (27-01-2012)

  13. #20
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    Am sure you'll be fine!

    Having my DF there with me for the birth of our DD was so relieving for me. He held me whilst I was still moving about during my contractions, coached me with my breathing (admittedly this did irritate me at one point & he got a few dirty looks lol but it did help especially in the later stages), held my hand & smoothed my hair when I was confined to the bed for monitoring & held my water glass & straw for me when I needed a drink...he was just fantastic - I didn't ask him to do anything he just anticipated & did it!

    He actually wouldn't let me hold his whole hand though - I was only allowed to hang onto 2 fingers so I couldn't crush his hand and dig my nails in!!
    DF admitted later that he had worried that when I was pushing I was holding my breath for too long & he was amazed I could do that lol!

    Having him there helped me stay calmer as I knew he was looking out for me & would, if need be, back me up & make the right decisions about our care. We had discussed the birth beforehand & so he knew what I did & didn't want in regards to pain management, interventions etc.

    Best wishes


 

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