Quitting the feed to sleep thing

**Susan Mac** · 26-01-2012 20:09

I don't have a problem with feeding to sleep, by my 14 month old will ONLY feed to sleep. At the moment he's screaming his lungs out with daddy because I've had enough because I've already fed him twice in the last hour and it didn't put him to sleep, and I know I'll have to get up and feed him several more times tonight. I've had enough and I'm starting to resent feeding him any time during the day (I've demand fed since birth) because he just wants it all the time during the night. I'm going to have to go and get him and feed him AGAIN because DH has work he needs to get done and I'm sick of hearing DS scream. But feeding is getting me angry, especially nights like tonight when I've essentially been with him since 3am this morning (when I had to feed him twice to get him back to sleep for an hour and a half), including when he had his nap (a whole 40mins!) on my lap today because we were out.

How can I stop feeding him to sleep?

**ICanDream** · 26-01-2012 20:33

I was in the same position and I ended up doing a form of controlled crying. It did take me to reach desperation to do this as it went against all my instincts to let it happen but it only took one night of 45 mins of grizzling (not full tantrums) and it was over.

I fed DD before I put her to bed but made sure she went to bed awake. I fed her in her room in the dark (during both day and night sleeps) but had to keep poking her to stop her falling asleep.

I'd put her into bed, put my hand on her and tell her it was time to go to sleep and leave. I then went back in at 3 min increasing intervals (so start at 3min, then 6 mins then 9 mins - you restart the timing once you leave the room), again putting my hand on her and telling her it was time to go to sleep. If they continue being upset after an hour, then you change nappy, feed them and basically start again.

We were lucky, it truly only took 45 mins the first night we did it and it worked for day and night sleeps. I promise you though, I had reached breaking point (I was feeding every hour during the night as she couldn't resettle after each cycle) and was completely running on empty. It was hard the first night but I had reached a point that I couldn't continue with things the way there were. It is not for everyone, I know some people do not agree with progressive/controlled crying but for me I had to give it a try.

**duckduckgoose** · 26-01-2012 20:43

I've replied to your other post. I can go into more detail if you like.

It was tough, there was crying but by pulling DS off the boob when he was sleepy meant he was too tired to argue too much. I always cuddled and rocked him or DH did.

Now he doesn't need boob to fall asleep at all. I can hold him and rock him in the feeding chair to sleep. I do still feed to sleep for the goodnight feed though and often once overnight too.

**Susan Mac** · 26-01-2012 20:43

Thanks.

We tried letting our older son cry when he was the same age or a bit younger, and after the first night of leaving him for five minutes and then him taking a full hour to stop that hyperventilating cry when they are really distressed, I haven't wanted to touch controlled crying with a ten foot pole!

**ICanDream** · 26-01-2012 20:47

Originally Posted by Susan Mac

Thanks.

We tried letting our older son cry when he was the same age or a bit younger, and after the first night of leaving him for five minutes and then him taking a full hour to stop that hyperventilating cry when they are really distressed, I haven't wanted to touch controlled crying with a ten foot pole!

We had the same with my DS and that's why we never ever wanted to go there again but honestly I couldn't take it and it was the last resort. My health was poorly, DS was still a bad sleeper, DH and I were sleeping each to a child, we were running on empty and just had to do it out of desperation. We'd tried the other methods and maybe we did the wrong but we couldn't make them work.

DD is now 2 and sleeps like a dream and we still follow the routine as much as possible and since doing that when she was 7 months old she has slept through ever single night. DS is 5 and still has sleep issues.

Each to their own, I hope I haven't offended with the suggestion but it was the only thing that worked for us. Good luck with the path you take, kids are darn hard work.

**Susan Mac** · 26-01-2012 20:55

No, not offended. I fully accept that different sleep methods work for different parents/babies. I'm just trying to find one that works for this parent/baby.

**ICanDream** · 26-01-2012 20:57

Absolutely, it has to work for you and you have to be prepared/comfortable to do it or it won't work. Sending you lots of support for it all.

**Bambibambino** · 26-01-2012 21:01

This was me with my DS. When he was 18 months and I was pregnant again I decided I couldn't do it any longer. I still fed to sleep for nap and bedtime but not any other wake up overnight. Is your LO in a cot? Mine was a bit older and I had DH sleep with him for a few nights to start with as it was just distressing if I went in and refused to feed him.

The really good news was it only took a couple of nights before he stopped waking overnight looking for boobs. He was a shocking sleeper and instantly he improved.

I don't really know how Dh got him back to sleep though, cuddles, talking, songs?

Good luck, short term pain is so worth it

**narribri** · 26-01-2012 21:04

I used the ppo method from the No Cry Sleep Solution, followed up with something similar to the Babybliss settling method. It was a long, tiring and patient 3 months, but we got there with minimal tears or distress.

**Bambibambino** · 26-01-2012 21:13

I should add he wasn't at all upset so long as I didn't go into him and left it up to Dh. Obviously works best if you pick a weekend or time when your Dh doesn't have to go to work the next day