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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by BbBbBh View Post
    I have a secret but I think lots of women who have experienced sexual abuse would have thought it/felt it. Before my son was born I was frightened about touching his penis to clean it. Not in a perpetrator way but because I didn't want to disrespect him and I kinda felt that this was some sort of violation. It took me a while to get over that. Now I'm having a girl and this thought is back-only worse because girls need 'more cleaning' than boys. I know it will be ok after a while though and I know its a little irrational but perhaps pretty normal given my own history.
    I have gone through this as well. Funny enough, I have always babysat and been a nanny and not once did I even remember/think of what happened with I was little. Even when I was pregnant I didn't think about it. That all changed the moment I had to change my own DD's first nappy. I couldn't wipe her, DH told me I forgot to wipe her and I had a pannic attack and said I just couldn't stand up from being sore so that he would do it and lay there remembering everything. I think it was also triggered by my birth as well and an ob doing things without permission.


    The change.... that is horrible what they ignored about what happened to you. Have they ever acknowledged it to this day? It sounds like one of your parents are a narcissist? Or something else serious like that. My DH's Dad is narcassistic and his Mum is the enabler/doter. So they always had to act as though everything was perfect and achieve constantly. Medical problems and depression in their children weren't addressed. DH's wake up was having children as well. His siblings still live in a world where they have minimum to do with the outside world and think their parents are the greatest parents ever, with no faults, and that they can't live/survive without them. They are in their 20's living at home and will not move out until they are married. It has been a really long, slow process for DH to come to terms with how is parents really are, and the brain washing of how they are meant to be viewed by the outside world/their children. Especially when they are still in our lives and still manipulate most situations still. It is really easy for me to ignore but DH stuggles because his parents know his triggers and know how to emotially rope him in to feel guilty and like he owes them or doesn't show them enough love like a son should etc. So I just wanted to say good luck on your journey

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  3. #42
    headoverfeet's Avatar
    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    BTC, our stories are very similar


    Took the red pill.

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  5. #43
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    Last edited by Be The Change; 20-04-2012 at 14:18. Reason: add name of person I'm replying to

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  7. #44
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    MuminMind is offline Bubhub Award Winner - 2011- Most Helpful Member, Member I'd Most Like To Meet, Most Community Minded Thread, Best Potential Moderator and Newbie of the Year Awards
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    I just want to say that I have really enjoyed (in lack of a more appropriate word) reading this thread, so thank you to everyone who have shared their secrets, and a special thanks to BMJandBaby for starting it!

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  9. #45
    ~Marigold~'s Avatar
    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    I completely agree with the poster who said that she feels like her child was "sent to her" and came at the perfect time to teach her that she is stronger than she thinks.

    Could not have said it better myself. Despite my inner demons, my DS has been my saving grace, the reason I breathe; my silver lining

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  11. #46
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    After countless sexual abuse as a child by 3 different people, one being my teacher who did it everyday for a year, and rape as a teenager, I underwent lots of therapy

    I had a baby boy a year and a half ago, and loved every minute of it
    But now I'm pregnant again I feel
    Sick because I just know in my heart of hearts it's a girl and I don't want to think that anything might happen to her.
    I feel so ashamed
    So ashamed
    How could I reject a miracle baby just because of her sex
    It's our 12 week scan next week and I'm dreading looking at the screen and feeling nothing
    That's my secret
    I'm a great mum to number one
    And already awful to number two

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  13. #47
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    October- i felt the same when pregnant with DD. I feel so scared now she is here. But I also feel like I have this awareness and it will help me to protect her.
    You will be a great mother to your daughter

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  15. #48
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    GluttonForPunishment is offline Bubhub Award Winner - 2011- Most Optimistic Poster and Newbie of the Year Awards
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    October, these feelings you have are perfectly natural and not ones you should feel ashamed of. You are not an aweful mother, but one who has had to endure things that should never have to be endured. This is neither your fault nor is it something you should be guilty of.

    If bub is a girl, you are aware that the world has a harsher side and, as such, will be able to give her tools that most children won't get. I know that you will love this child with all of your heart once it's here in the world, regardless of what sex it is. You have already proven how incredible a woman you are by getting through the sh!t that life has thrown at you. Your children will do nothing but have the greatest admiration and respect for you as they grow up.


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  17. #49
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    BarefootedMumma is offline Aiming to be in the top 10 busiest users one week.
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    Hugs to all the strong women & GFP Who had the courage to post in this thread.. It's taken me couple of hours but here's mine...

    Despite always swearing that if my husband/partner never hit me I would leave I am still with my husband over a year after he was charged with Domestic Violence.

    I do get times where I freak out cause I am still with a man who hit me in anger.. but he has never shown signs of doing it again. (yet I say this a day after saying that he hit me whilst asleep so hard my ear is sore and reduced hearing after a week)

    DH was put on some medications in Ocotber last year that did not agree with him, in fact they caused him to have fits of rage.. Good morning was causing HUGE fights.. After a week of being on that medication we had a really big fight and we came to blows. I may have pushed him out of my way but he punched me 3 or 4 times in the face.

    It was at his mother's house and in her wisdom she called the police. I admit I was trying to get the ambulance to come and take him to be committed.. something he had talked me out of doing 2 months before hand... But I really didn't seethe need for police as I knew it was the medication.

    He was charged, an AVO was put out, he was unable to stay with me at my mother's (where we were kinda living) for 3 weeks till a court hearing but he realised just how much he needed me and loved me after it happened.

    I still occasionally get afraid he is getting too angry but he's never acted like that since stopping the medication.

    Thankfully his Psych was able to write letters and reports showing it was his state of mind and the medication so it was not recorded.

    Still though according to any police reports.. I am a battered wife who was stupid enough to take him back.. and I actually had a couple of people imply that at the court hearing.

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  19. #50
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    Gfp hugs hugs hugs that must of been so devastating for you

    Hugs to everyone im so sorry so many of you have had such difficult experiences

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