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  1. #21
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    Buttoneska, I can completely understand where you come from. This is a similar story to myself. I remember many occasions when my step grandfather inappropriately did things to me. I have had 1 brief, embarrassing convo with my sister who I found out it was the same with her. Now my beautiful nan wonders why we don't like him but we couldn't break her heart xxx so I feel you xx

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  3. #22
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    I lived with my grandparents from the age of 5/6, thanks to some jerkoff who decided to kidnap my mother and hold her hostage for under a day - she has never been the same... Turned my life upside down, I now have abandonment issues but we are working on our relationship.

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  5. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttoneska View Post
    The details if my past, its not really discussed beyond 'yeh my mum died and dad remarried a lady that wasn't very nice'. Dh knows all but I don't think other mates really do. my friends from when i was ten dont really get it cos they grew up with it without being old enough to understand iykwim. My sisters best mates knows, she was around enough.Noone but my dh knows about the s3xual abuse frommy step grandfather. My sister kinda does cos she was abused too but we don't really talk about it.
    Hugs this was me too but my own biological grandfather. My mum knew but couldn't come to terms with it do I didn't tell her anymore that it was still happening. I was 8 stopped when we left town at 13.

    My big secret is that I miscarried a baby 2 days after I turned 17. I had been with my bf for 18months. Only he, my husband, and OB know. Still breaks my heart.

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  7. #24
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    ...
    Last edited by Etienne; 06-02-2012 at 18:41.

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  9. #25
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    I did have my "secret" in the intro of the thread, but then I second guessed myself and deleted it.. I felt embarrassed every time I logged on seeing my stupid words on here for all to dissect. But that's me in a nutshell, always thinking too much and second guessing.
    I hadn't checked this thread for a couple days, thinking only one or two would respond, I wanted to delete the whole thread and go back to being anonymous BMJandBaby, but then I checked again and read all of your stories and thought, well people are real on here, we all have our own personal struggles and sometimes really sh!tty memories.
    So, to be fair, here's mine:
    I had DS at age 17. I'd always suffered from anxiety and depression since childhood, due to the violence and abuse etc between my parents. I had a kind of breezy pregnancy, still suffereing from my usual anxiety, but nothing prepared me for how I'd feel a couple months after the birth; I guess it was a form of PND but not where I felt detached from him, just within myself, like the depression & anxiety was 100 times worse than ever before. I lost weight as I couldn't eat through the sickness my brain had caused. Anyway, I eventually got through it, over time, but was petrified that I'd fall into the same mental hell again if I had another baby. Over the years, EVERYONE kept asking me when I was having another baby, why wasn't I having another, you waited too long, blah blah blah. I dreaded the question as I couldn't tell them the true reason. No one knew the real reason, for some reason I still feel there's a stigma against mental illness.
    Fast forward 12 years, and here we are! I'm ready this time. I still fight my demons every day, it's a constant battle between ma and my thoughts, but I refuse to give them power this time. Yeah, I'm scared, but I'm older, stronger and positive I will be OK. And if not, I will get help. There's no shame in it.

    Bec xo

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  11. #26
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Quote Originally Posted by MuminMind View Post
    Thanks to everyone for sharing. And hugs in particular to the ones who have disclosed experiencing sexual abuse. It is heartbreaking to read. Truly.

    I actually posted in this thread the night it was created, but then I got cold feet and deleted my post - which I've never done before. My "secret" is nothing in comparison to some of the others shared, and you've made me feel brave.

    I was a troubled teen and was involved in a violent episode that resulted in police involvement. I even moved in with my aunt an hour away to escape the aftermatch. I learnt so much that year and I have never truly forgiven myself.
    Haha, we both got cold feet and deleted our posts! I didn't notice that you had, I didn't like going back to read this thread because of.. yeah, not liking that I'd created it

    Now I'm very glad that I did and that each of you are sharing. It's good to get things off your chest and what feels negative and has had a huge impact on peoples' lives may sound trivial to others, but only the person experiencing it knows just how real the pain is.

    Massive hugs to ALL

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  13. #27
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    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    Quote Originally Posted by BMJandBaby View Post
    I did have my "secret" in the intro of the thread, but then I second guessed myself and deleted it.. I felt embarrassed every time I logged on seeing my stupid words on here for all to dissect. But that's me in a nutshell, always thinking too much and second guessing.
    I hadn't checked this thread for a couple days, thinking only one or two would respond, I wanted to delete the whole thread and go back to being anonymous BMJandBaby, but then I checked again and read all of your stories and thought, well people are real on here, we all have our own personal struggles and sometimes really sh!tty memories.
    So, to be fair, here's mine:
    I had DS at age 17. I'd always suffered from anxiety and depression since childhood, due to the violence and abuse etc between my parents. I had a kind of breezy pregnancy, still suffereing from my usual anxiety, but nothing prepared me for how I'd feel a couple months after the birth; I guess it was a form of PND but not where I felt detached from him, just within myself, like the depression & anxiety was 100 times worse than ever before. I lost weight as I couldn't eat through the sickness my brain had caused. Anyway, I eventually got through it, over time, but was petrified that I'd fall into the same mental hell again if I had another baby. Over the years, EVERYONE kept asking me when I was having another baby, why wasn't I having another, you waited too long, blah blah blah. I dreaded the question as I couldn't tell them the true reason. No one knew the real reason, for some reason I still feel there's a stigma against mental illness.
    Fast forward 12 years, and here we are! I'm ready this time. I still fight my demons every day, it's a constant battle between ma and my thoughts, but I refuse to give them power this time. Yeah, I'm scared, but I'm older, stronger and positive I will be OK. And if not, I will get help. There's no shame in it.

    Bec xo
    Oh hugs hon There is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about regarding those thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I feel ashamed of my thoughts since having DS2, but the PND girls have made me feel so much better about it. You sound very perceptive and strong.

    Congratulations on your pregnancy .

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  15. #28
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    Wow. So many hugs for everyone

    Nope, turns out I can't share after all.
    Last edited by Shoopuf; 27-01-2012 at 09:19.

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  17. #29
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    I have a secret but I think lots of women who have experienced sexual abuse would have thought it/felt it. Before my son was born I was frightened about touching his penis to clean it. Not in a perpetrator way but because I didn't want to disrespect him and I kinda felt that this was some sort of violation. It took me a while to get over that. Now I'm having a girl and this thought is back-only worse because girls need 'more cleaning' than boys. I know it will be ok after a while though and I know its a little irrational but perhaps pretty normal given my own history.

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  19. #30
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    My dad is a horrible alcoholic and emotionally abusive man. I spent my entire childhood been scared of him, never knowing when he was going to be ok or if he was going to snap. He made me feel completely worthless and not good enough and I was very much aware my brother and sister were his favourites. I was quite timid when I was younger and more of a follower rather than a leader and I remember coming home from my best friends one afternoon only to have him sit down and absolutely abuse me for god knows what and tell me I needed to stop carrying on the way I was and did I know how embarrassing it was for him that I was like I was and how awful I was making it for him - all I'd done is go for a walk with my friend. I completely resent him for the things he did and said over the years and the way he made me feel. I really can't stand to be around him and would be quite happy to have nothing to do with them. Not even DP knows the extent of what happened or what his like and I'm not sure he ever will, I feel too ashamed about it all, and I'm not even sure I'd get the words out right.

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