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  1. #1
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    Default OMG - I did the unthinkable / unforgivable

    Cut a long story short DH & I had a massive fight... Have not had one like that for so long... We had to get something in the Mail by 5 tonight for Melbourne ivf & my car died, we had like 5 mins to get to the post...so DH drove, he was taking all the wrong turns, I was getting snappy, he says "you need to go back on medication" (like a smart *** / ******* as I use to be on anti depressants) he knew it would push me.. I snapped and said something to hurt him back "well we wouldn't have to do this (ivf) if it wasn't for you" I knew as I said it & straight after it was so wrong, so nasty. He told me to get out of the car, said his done etc...
    He said his ready to walk away... After what I have said...
    I feel horrible - how do I fix this?
    I feel like we both played a part in the blow up, what he said really dug deep with me too....
    He is putting all responsibility on me!
    I don't know how to recover from this, he'll always remember those words!
    I was so frustrated, so stressed... But I really can't excuse what I've done...
    What have I done?

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    What you said was pretty harsh and something he probably won't forget any time soon... But he needs to realise that HE also made an extremely hurtful (and just as sensitive in my opinion) comment. He ended the argument which leaves you feeling like you've overstepped the boundary and he hasn't - which isn't true. Your response was purely to make him feel hurt because what he had said to you was hurtful. This isn't exactly the right thing to do, but I guess a natural defense when you're caught in the heat of the moment. I would have gotten out of the car after the medication comment. This would have left HIM in the position you feel you are in now.

    All the best hun, I bet this added stress doesn't help with your IVF situation

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    MARTTC  (24-01-2012)

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    I agree with everything waitingfornumber2 has said.

    I hope you can talk through it!

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    MARTTC  (24-01-2012)

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    Well-said waitingfornumber 2! Yeah I feel that your DH also said really insensitive thing to you and it is normal that you bit back. Good to talk about it, and make up after that. IVF is very stressful on top of everything else in life that we have to manage. It is good to work things out before you go further because the stress will get more and more down the road. And doing the blaming game will certainly tear the couple apart.

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    MARTTC  (24-01-2012)

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    Thank you all so much for the responses.. :-)
    DH has just come home & I'm in bed his not said a word to me as yet and I'm not sure where to start... I don't have the energy to fight again, I'm so drained & from what he said earlier he thinks I need to tread carefully with what I say in response to today as his about to walk away... Think I'm just going to sleep it off & see how we both wake up.... I'm sooo drained... Watching home & away didn't help my situation.
    You are all right, I feel we both crossed the line... I'll let you know how I go... Just feel so bad also because I never wanted to say anything so nasty, I really don't blame him for IVF it has put a lot of stress on us, financially, emotionally etc
    We do need to get on top though because the road ahead could be a long one & we need to be on the same page! What a night...
    Really appreciate the feedback ladies.. Goodnight x
    I'll keep you posted :-/

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    Just realized how badly that read about I don't 'really' blame him...
    One of the sentences that needs the right tone, if you know what I mean!?

    I'm saying as in I do not blame him, it could have been either of us, I guess it still could be too....

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    Most relationship experts say to never go to sleep after a fight without making up.
    I'm pretty sure I've broken this rule a million times!
    Perhaps instead of talking about it, just touch him lightly and say 'I love you'

    Leave the discussion for the morning - Sometimes saying less is more

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    Write it out. Lots of times we say things to hurt. It will sting for a week and be over. He knows it was meant to hurt, thing is it did! You both need to apologise to each other.

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    Hi ya MARTTC,
    You story is so familiar to me (and I think many of us). IVF is one of the most stressful things you will ever do in your life and it would not be normal for a certain amount of misplaced anger to leak out when you are under pressure. It's a long, frustrating and costly (financially and emotionally) journey and there are so many disappointments along the way that have to be navigated along the way. My advice, own what you did and apologise but also explain that you were hurt too and needed some time to calm down. But most of all, don't be too hard on yourself...it happens to the best of us.

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    bellalika is offline I'm trying my hardest, please don't ask for more.
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    Quote Originally Posted by hopefully2 View Post
    Write it out. Lots of times we say things to hurt. It will sting for a week and be over. He knows it was meant to hurt, thing is it did! You both need to apologise to each other.
    This.

    We have all said things we wish we could take back, some things more than others.


 

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