I think you can have sex for different reasons with different people, and for different reasons with the same person. Does this make sense? Lol it does in my head.
Would you say that sex with your hubby was more about 'making love' and the other people is just sex (like when you were single...type sex)?
I guess it's something of myself...to give myself sexually to someone is a priviledge, so when I was single, I guess I didn't have as much self worth so giving this part of me to just anyone didn't matter (although I think a part of me died everytime). But to give this part of me to one person for the rest of my life....is a priviledge and it's something that they have earned (not through sex but through the connection we have forged).
Like scarymarygoldfish, it's a connection of souls. But I'm unable and unwilling to separate that connection from the act. So therefore sex with someone else, to me, would be giving away part of my soul to someone who didn't deserve it and would be a violation of who I am...and 'us' as a couple.
It's so hard to explain! Uuuggghhh!
You don't have to answer, i'm just honestly curious why you'd bother sampling other menus when what you've got at home is gourmet (and a bit jealous re the great sex. DH and I have fun but i won't lie, there's room for improvement, lol.)
I'm guessing that this is a distinction with my friends open relationships - if you're doing it to fix problems it can backfire, but if you're doing it because both parties are totally cool with it and have the same values and boundaries then it can work well.
I know people who think 'sex is sex, whatever' and others who invest a lot of their emotions into the act, each time & every time. I personally haven't felt what you explained regarding the soul.
Love the respectful discussion, people! Keep it up!
I'll be back later to throw another couple of cents in!
Some people feel that sex is just that. Sex. For me, it's always been about love and having to have an emotional connection. My husband on the other hand has always seen sex as just sex. Before meet, he slept around and it never meant anything. We'd always agree to disagree every time we spoke about it. We've got to remember that it's different for everyone.
In short, no.
To me, if one of us became completely uninterested in sex then that would be the end of the relationship - it would have become a friendship.
As someone said earlier, I have friends and family who I love, but to me what makes a relationship/ marriage is to have that love and friendship PLUS the physical connection/ attraction and all that goes with it.
If there is no attraction on one side then to me the relationship as it stands no longer exists. It would be a case of relationship counselling, doing what we could to change things (if both wanted to), and potentially breaking up over it and being just friends (if possible). Without that side to the relationship then for me it is no different from a really great friendship.
I would only be okay with DH sleeping with someone else if I were no longer in love with him, and I think he would say the same for me.
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