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  1. #71
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    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    Quote Originally Posted by AM View Post
    Has anyone read "Sex at dawn?" It is all about the evoutionary roots of 'infidelity' and how a lot of our attachment to monogamy is actually based on Christianity, it's a really thought provoking read.

    http://www.sexatdawn.com/

    I don't think I would cope with it emotionally, personally, but there are a lot of people who do seem to practise it very happily around the world.
    That book sounds very interesting

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  3. #72
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    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    I think you can have sex for different reasons with different people, and for different reasons with the same person. Does this make sense? Lol it does in my head.

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  5. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by scarymarygoldfish View Post
    Your disclaimer is too sweet .

    Sex with other people is just sex. I'm a very sexual person, and I get no mushy feelings when I'm with anyone other than my husband.

    Sex with my husband is a connection of souls and it is the best love making I could ever wish for.

    And no, there is nothing I wouldn't do for another man that I do for my husband.
    So you separate the two types of sex then? How are you able to do that? Is it a practiced thing or something that you've always been able to do?

    Would you say that sex with your hubby was more about 'making love' and the other people is just sex (like when you were single...type sex)?

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  7. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Witwicky View Post
    I think you can have sex for different reasons with different people, and for different reasons with the same person. Does this make sense? Lol it does in my head.
    Makes sense to me. I don't identify with that way of thinking but what you say makes sense re those with an open marriage (and those who have affairs :\)

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  9. #75
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    Quote Originally Posted by Witwicky View Post
    I think you can have sex for different reasons with different people, and for different reasons with the same person. Does this make sense? Lol it does in my head.
    Yeh it does...because I have sex with my dh for different reasons too. But thing is....underneath it all it is still the expression of our love, it's ONE of the ways we connect and are intimate - whether it's because it's a stress release or whatever.

    I guess it's something of myself...to give myself sexually to someone is a priviledge, so when I was single, I guess I didn't have as much self worth so giving this part of me to just anyone didn't matter (although I think a part of me died everytime). But to give this part of me to one person for the rest of my life....is a priviledge and it's something that they have earned (not through sex but through the connection we have forged).

    Like scarymarygoldfish, it's a connection of souls. But I'm unable and unwilling to separate that connection from the act. So therefore sex with someone else, to me, would be giving away part of my soul to someone who didn't deserve it and would be a violation of who I am...and 'us' as a couple.

    It's so hard to explain! Uuuggghhh!

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    Quote Originally Posted by scarymarygoldfish View Post
    Your disclaimer is too sweet .

    Sex with other people is just sex. I'm a very sexual person, and I get no mushy feelings when I'm with anyone other than my husband.

    Sex with my husband is a connection of souls and it is the best love making I could ever wish for.

    And no, there is nothing I wouldn't do for another man that I do for my husband.
    An open relationship may not be for me but your relationship sounds amazing. I'm just curious, and this is a totally genuine question, if sex with your hubby is that good why do you bother doing it with anyone else? I only ask because if my DH was that good in bed I would be jumping his bones at any opportunity and wouldn't have time for anyone else.

    You don't have to answer, i'm just honestly curious why you'd bother sampling other menus when what you've got at home is gourmet (and a bit jealous re the great sex. DH and I have fun but i won't lie, there's room for improvement, lol.)

    I'm guessing that this is a distinction with my friends open relationships - if you're doing it to fix problems it can backfire, but if you're doing it because both parties are totally cool with it and have the same values and boundaries then it can work well.

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  13. #77
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    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    Yeh it does...because I have sex with my dh for different reasons too. But thing is....underneath it all it is still the expression of our love, it's ONE of the ways we connect and are intimate - whether it's because it's a stress release or whatever.

    I guess it's something of myself...to give myself sexually to someone is a priviledge, so when I was single, I guess I didn't have as much self worth so giving this part of me to just anyone didn't matter (although I think a part of me died everytime). But to give this part of me to one person for the rest of my life....is a priviledge and it's something that they have earned (not through sex but through the connection we have forged).

    Like scarymarygoldfish, it's a connection of souls. But I'm unable and unwilling to separate that connection from the act. So therefore sex with someone else, to me, would be giving away part of my soul to someone who didn't deserve it and would be a violation of who I am...and 'us' as a couple.

    It's so hard to explain! Uuuggghhh!
    I understand your explanation. I suppose someone in an open relationship can separate the connection from the act, otherwise they wouldn't be able to be in an open relationship.

    I know people who think 'sex is sex, whatever' and others who invest a lot of their emotions into the act, each time & every time. I personally haven't felt what you explained regarding the soul.

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  15. #78
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    Love the respectful discussion, people! Keep it up!

    I'll be back later to throw another couple of cents in!

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    Some people feel that sex is just that. Sex. For me, it's always been about love and having to have an emotional connection. My husband on the other hand has always seen sex as just sex. Before meet, he slept around and it never meant anything. We'd always agree to disagree every time we spoke about it. We've got to remember that it's different for everyone.

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    In short, no.

    To me, if one of us became completely uninterested in sex then that would be the end of the relationship - it would have become a friendship.

    As someone said earlier, I have friends and family who I love, but to me what makes a relationship/ marriage is to have that love and friendship PLUS the physical connection/ attraction and all that goes with it.

    If there is no attraction on one side then to me the relationship as it stands no longer exists. It would be a case of relationship counselling, doing what we could to change things (if both wanted to), and potentially breaking up over it and being just friends (if possible). Without that side to the relationship then for me it is no different from a really great friendship.

    I would only be okay with DH sleeping with someone else if I were no longer in love with him, and I think he would say the same for me.

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