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  1. #51
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    Quote Originally Posted by scarymarygoldfish View Post
    IMO this is kinda like saying "if you don't plan on having children, why get married?" (which I think is just as ridiculous and offensive BTW).

    I married my husband because I love him above all others and most probably always will. Just because we have sex with other people doesn't mean we love each other any less, or that we'd prefer to be single.
    I don't think D was meaning to be offensive and nor am I. I'm just trying to understand, no judgment here. I guess it's horses for courses, the fact I love my DH means I just don't want to have sex with anyone else. If I did I would feel like it was time to call it quits. But again, that's just me. I'm just curious that's all if it works for you who am I or anyone else to say otherwise? and I do appreciate you having the courage to give us your experience...

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  3. #52
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    For me it wouldn't be something I would consider undser normal circumstances. E.g just not being in the mood, stress etc. I honestly can't imagine having a s3xual relationship with anyone other than my husband. We have been together nearly five years and had our ups and downs and dry spells lol but we've always managed to work it out and have a very enjoyable relationship that has gotten better over time. I don't think I have the type of personality to consider it. I'm not against anyone else having an open relationship, I think it's very liberated. It just doesn't sit right with me, for my relationship. Dh and I have spoken about it and swinging etc and he isn't interested either. Maybe when we are a lot older and bored with each other we might consider it but I really don't see it happening.

    As for being medically unable to dtd, it is still the same for me. I couldn't do it with someone else while I was married to dh. I guess my thoughts are : where there's a willy, there's a way. I would probably prefer for dh to see a prostitute so that it was clinical. The thought of him having an emotional AND physical connection to another woman would really break my heart. Physical only , I could *maybe* deal with.

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  5. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Actually there was a thread quite some time ago with a woman complaining her husband had no libido. Members said exactly what is being said here. So no reverse sexism just respect for others wishes. Honestly I find it sad someone would pressure their partner into sex when they clearly weren't into it, gender has no bearing.
    Well I find it sad someone would deny their partners feelings without even trying to fix a problem. It isn't about pressuring them into it it's about one partner feeling unhappy and the other partner thinking they have no obligation to do so. No one would agree that if a child felt hurt because their parents wouldn't do the things they loved to do with them then they should just suck it up. Why be in a relationship with someone if you want it all your own way and can't even compromise? Just live by yourself if your so selfish.

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  7. #54
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trusty Chords View Post
    Why be in a relationship with someone if you want it all your own way and can't even compromise? Just live by yourself if your so selfish.
    But by expecting your partner who isn't in the mood to have sex with you, that isn't compromise is it? As for the selfish comment,each to their own but selfish is expecting a sick pg woman to put out and then blaming her for cheating behaviour when she doesn't.

    You obviously have strong opinions that women should give sex whenever their partner wants it, even if she doesn't to please him even if it doesn't please her. You are entitled to that opinion. Just as we are equally entitled to disagree with it.

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  9. #55
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I don't think D was meaning to be offensive and nor am I. I'm just trying to understand, no judgment here. I guess it's horses for courses, the fact I love my DH means I just don't want to have sex with anyone else. If I did I would feel like it was time to call it quits. But again, that's just me. I'm just curious that's all if it works for you who am I or anyone else to say otherwise? and I do appreciate you having the courage to give us your experience...
    Yeh - this ^^^

    The reason I can't see the point is because when I'm in a serious relationship with the person I love, I don't WANT to share this part of our love with someone else. This is just where I'm coming from. When I was single....yeh I did whatever...had sex with whoever because I didn't have a committment to anyone.

    Obviously there are those who don't feel that way....and I don't really care, although I'm still puzzled with dh's workmates who still 'hide' things from each other even though they're supposedly in an open relationship and have been for many years. Me thinks it has slowly chipped away at the trust...but I really don't know.

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  11. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    I don't think D was meaning to be offensive and nor am I. I'm just trying to understand, no judgment here. I guess it's horses for courses, the fact I love my DH means I just don't want to have sex with anyone else. If I did I would feel like it was time to call it quits. But again, that's just me. I'm just curious that's all if it works for you who am I or anyone else to say otherwise? and I do appreciate you having the courage to give us your experience...
    Yeah cool, thank you. I know she wasn't trying to offend me and I understand where she's coming from, but I just don't think it's a big thing. We live a fairly normal life but every now and then we have sex with other people. It's not that often, but the important thing I guess is that we DO it and we're cool with it. I think if anything it has made our relationship stronger so it's kinda funny to be questioned about our reason for getting married.
    Last edited by scarymarygoldfish; 24-01-2012 at 12:02.

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  13. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    The reason I can't see the point is because when I'm in a serious relationship with the person I love, I don't WANT to share this part of our love with someone else. This is just where I'm coming from.
    Sex with other people is just sex, it's not love.

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  15. #58
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    Hmm interesting thread What are we actually discussing here ? I always believed an open relationship was the same thing as polygamy (i think that's thw right word) ? not just having sex with other people but also having other relationships ..

    Persoanlly, i don't believe in open relationships but i know a lot of people who are in them. This brings up the topic of similar things such as swinging, 3sums etc, what does everyone else think ? As strange as this sounds, although i'm against open relationships, i'm not entirely against swinging etc (have never done it but DH & i have discussed it in the past whilst watching a documentry & what 'rules' would be involved) so i guess each to their own

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  17. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by scarymarygoldfish View Post
    Yeah cool, thank you. I knew she wasn't trying to offend me and I understand where she's coming from, but I just don't think it's a big thing. We live a fairly normal life but every now and then we have sex with other people. It's not that often, but the important thing I guess is that we DO it and we're cool with it. I think if anything it has made our relationship stronger so it's kinda funny to be questioned about our reason for getting married.
    I guess we are looking at things thru of the glasses of monogamy, that's all. I didn't mean you shouldn't be married or anything, again just trying to understand. You don't have to justify anything. I just find the subject interesting

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  19. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by scarymarygoldfish View Post
    Sex with other people is just sex, it's not love.
    and I think this is the important distinction for each side. Some, like D and I connect sex with love, some don't. This is really the crux for me as to the 2 different lifestyles

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