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  1. #31
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    Sometimes I want it and DH doesn't, sometimes he wants it and I don't. We don't pressure each other and there's no way I'll just lie there to keep him happy - and I wouldn't want him to do that either. I find it creepy that a guy that knows his partner isn't in the mood yet pressures her anyway... isn't the whole point to sex in a committed relationship to make each other happy?

    I refuse to apologise to DH if I'm not in the mood nor does he need to apologise. We are sexually compatible but it doesn't define our relationship.OUr relationship is defined on so much more than that.

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  3. #32
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    I've said "not tonight dear" at times during the last few years - pregnancies, fatigue, PND, medication etc...but DH has never pressured me. He firmly believes that if we're both not totally up for it, then what's the point? I don't think he's ever not been up for it , but if he wasn't in the mood, I'd feel exactly the same.

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    Quote Originally Posted by misskittyfantastico View Post
    He firmly believes that if we're both not totally up for it, then what's the point?
    Agreed.

  5. #34
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    I think it's disturbing that a man you love would even think it's ok to F a starfish! And think it's extremely submissive to allow a man to do that to you...all in the name of 'meeting in the middle'. If you don't want it you don't want it - there is NO meeting in the middle! That's not intimacy!

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  7. #35
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    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    I definitely have a higher libido than DP - I get turned on really quickly, and I do love a nice shag!

    However, if DP isn't up for it, then that's no biggie - although she's pretty much always willing and wanting to satisfy me even if she's not in the mood to be satisfied. So it works out well

    Could I live without sex?

    Could I live without her?

    I believe I could live without sex much more easily than I could live without her, so if something happened and sex was off the cards, it would not mean our relationship would be over. It'd be hard, yes. But I would rather masturbate and still be with her, than have meaningless sex with someone I don't love.

    I suppose if the reason we stopped having sex was something like no longer being attracted to the person then that would be different as there'd be other underlying issues, but if it was something else (DP sometimes has to go on meds which affect her libido for example) and intimacy still existed - if I still fell asleep in her arms, if she still kissed me spontaneously and held my hand at the shops, or rubbed my back and stroked my forehead - then so would the relationship.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trusty Chords View Post
    Well if the other person is satisfied of course it's no biggie. I thought however we were talking about when someone is unhappy they are not getting enough sex. If the person doesn't have some kind of sex addiction and just wants an average amount of sex but gets next to nothing why shouldn't they care? I think it's very selfish and one sided to say well I just don't have a big sex drive deal with it. Just as selfish to say I have a big sex drive deal with it. IMO if someone can't meet in the middle with their partner there's an issue after all a partner means equal?
    Agree with this. If you don't have the existing closeness to pull you through dry spells then lack of closeness and sex can push you both further away. Especially a man who feels he may just be there to pay the bills..

    The other thread was a strained almost breaking up marriage averaging sex three or four times in the last year and a half and the wife wanted opinions on the situation.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Trusty Chords View Post
    Well if the other person is satisfied of course it's no biggie. I thought however we were talking about when someone is unhappy they are not getting enough sex. If the person doesn't have some kind of sex addiction and just wants an average amount of sex but gets next to nothing why shouldn't they care? I think it's very selfish and one sided to say well I just don't have a big sex drive deal with it. Just as selfish to say I have a big sex drive deal with it. IMO if someone can't meet in the middle with their partner there's an issue after all a partner means equal?
    I'm sorry but I have a higher s3x drive than ANY partner I've ever had. I'd do it several times a day if I could - I would NEVER, EVER consider my DP to be selfish or that we are in a one-sided relationship because his libido is lower. That's not his fault, nor is there anything wrong with him! We're just different, and that's a good thing. There are other ways of fulfilling your desires iykwim, I get antsy when I haven't DTD for a while but I cannot actually think of anything more vile, sickening nor offputting than my DP going to bed with me if he wasn't 100% into it I'd never make him feel bad for his s3x drive.

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  11. #38
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    I just don't think your love and devotion to a person is measured (or assured) by the amount of s3x you are having, there are plenty of meaningless, shallow relationships with plenty of s3x and they don't last.
    It implies that if you aren't having 'enough' s3x with your partner then they are going to cheat and that makes it ok. What if you are having s3x with them continually and they still cheat, would it be a case then of oh you poor thing, it's not your fault.
    I think love and intimacy are way more important than frequent s3x, that said if lack of s3x is an issue for one partner then they have a right to be able to talk about it but when they start looking at other options, that is not about s3x, it is about doing the decent thing and ending a relationship you are not happy in.

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  13. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by VintageLover View Post

    The other thread was a strained almost breaking up marriage averaging sex three or four times in the last year and a half and the wife wanted opinions on the situation.
    I don't really want to get into the details of this particular relationship because I don't think I can give an educated statement about a relationship I know little about and people I know nothing about. But lets take it out of context and say a couple are having relationship issues and have only had sex a few times in the last year, how do you know which came first, the chicken or the egg?
    Did only having sex a couple of times a year cause issues in their relationship or did issues in their relationship mean they only had sex a few times a year.

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    Quote Originally Posted by luvmyboys View Post
    But lets take it out of context and say a couple are having relationship issues and have only had sex a few times in the last year, how do you know which came first, the chicken or the egg?
    Did only having sex a couple of times a year cause issues in their relationship or did issues in their relationship mean they only had sex a few times a year.
    I argued this as well, and IME it's often the case that the sex stops bc one is treating the other terribly and being treated like crap tends to curb libido, especially in women. I would think that's pretty understandable... who wants to give themselves sexually to someone that treats them badly?

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