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  1. #1
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    Default *Spin off* 5ex in a relationship - who wants it

    I found this an interesting point of view in another thread and didn't want to take away from the personal nature of the other thread by discussing it.

    I am not having a go at the person who posted this so please don't take offence, I think there are aspects of truth in the statement for some people but not all and maybe not even the majority.

    Very often in long term relationships it is very easy to take the other person for granted. Even in the situation of him not pressuring her for sex, waiting for her to want it, just trying to wait it out but she still never got interested. Lack of communication. Her happy in the thought that her husband wasn't overly sexually interested either..

    Bet u he was

    Bet u he just got over being shut down or turned away.
    I do think that is quite a presumptuous statement but wondered if that is what most people think, do most people think that the onus is on the woman to 'receive' 5ex and that it's the man who wants it. I am sure there are some cases where it is true but do people think as a general statement it rings true.
    From a personal POV I think it peaks and troughs, and it isn't one sided but I sure there are times when it is the other way around and the woman is more interested, maybe she gets sick of being shut down.

  2. #2
    Witwicky's Avatar
    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    I believe that popular culture has stereotyped women as disliking sex or not really wanting it, and men as sex crazed animals. Movies, TV shows, books, it's embedded in everything.

    I have been with men who aren't all that interested (where once a week will suffice), and those who could seriously have sex several times a day.

    I have a high sex drive myself, so I guess I go against the usual stereotype.

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    The biggest sign of a problem in a relationship is lack of sex wether it be an emotional or physiological problem. I don't think anyone should do it if they don't want to butthey owe it to the one who wants it to at least work on fixing the problem.

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    In our relationship I do the turning down and I have a fairly high libido! His is just through the roof, so he is always a willing partcipant. We have been through dry spills, but to us that is going from sex every day to having sex twice a week.

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    In the past year me and my DP of 5 years went through a dry spell because of medication I was on. I was usually the 1 wanting it more then him. He was usually the 1 not wanting it to often. He said that I was sometimes to active for him. Hehe. I am off my meds because of ttc. So I am getting back in the swing of things.

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    DH and I are opposites, he would have sex everyday where I'm happy with twice a week or even less depending on how sleep deprived I am.
    I try and make effort though, sort of like the party you dint want to go to but its fun when you get there. I don't want him to feel rejected all the time and I feel closer when we dtd more often.

    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub

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    I was with someone for several years who didn't want to DTD at all - I wondered what was wrong with me!! We lived together for 3 years, in that time I could count on one hand the number of times he didn't shoot me down. We also had counselling but it just wasn't there.

    My current DP & I are pretty much on par - I have a reasonably high libido I think & we're happy with our level of s3xualness. I ask him often as I'm conscious of not developing a disconnect like with my previous partner.

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    I always seem to initiate sex with DP. I can think of maybe twice in the 2.5 years we've been together that he's initiated.
    When we've gone a while without (because I haven't initiated) and I ask him why, he says because I haven't seemed 'interested'. I've explained to him that just because I don't 'seem' interested doesn't mean that I can't become interested. If we were sitting on the couch and he started making out with me I'd more than likely become interested pretty quickly!
    Being turned on as a woman isn't like being turned on as a man. It seems like a switch for them, either you're turned on or you're not.
    He also forgets that when you're in a relationship for a while, sometimes you need to make an effort to have sex. I'm hoping that these things stop when our house is built because he gets so crabby when we don't have sex for a couple of weeks!

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    I don't turn down my partner... not usually anyway. I have due to period (when he didn't know) and after surgery. Otherwise I have sex whenever he wants it. It's not that I'm being a doormat and just doing it because, but I do enjoy it too, so have no inclination to say no.

    That doesn't mean he's ALWAYS gagging for it though. Sometimes he is. Sometimes he spends his days trying to get into my pants... but other times, he's happy to have it less often (once weekly or whatever).

    Getting shut down CAN make you never try to have sex though. I suck with rejection, and so I pretty much never instigate sex because I get quite offended when I am turned down. Even though I understand why he might say no, I still feel hurt and so it's rare for me to instigate it... so I do think that perhaps some people (not just men) appear to lack an interest in sex, when really, they're just sick of getting rejected so have given up.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Witwicky View Post
    I believe that popular culture has stereotyped women as disliking sex or not really wanting it, and men as sex crazed animals. Movies, TV shows, books, it's embedded in everything.
    I think that's how it 'used' to be but I thought it had changed a bit these days, women more sexually liberated etc, maybe that image changes when a woman becomes a wife or enters a long term relationship.


 

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