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  1. #1
    Buttoneska's Avatar
    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    Default Being social/engaging in relationships.

    I am just wondering how you all go about being social/really engaging in relationships with friends (and family I spose).

    I lost a friend last year just before xmas and when she died a few us realised we hadn't actually her for a good 4-6mths. I don't have regrets about this per say, she lived a couple of hrs away from m, we stayed in contact via sms, email and FB and would chat on the phone here and there (i hate talking on the phone).

    But it did make me realise that I don't really ENJOY being social. I do live about 2hrs away from a big group of friends I grew up (and family) which does limit things, but in general I am a real home body and enjoy being at home.

    I love my friends dearly and they are important to me, but Im not a person who wants to see everybody every week. I like having visitors and ppl will come down for the weekend - we probably have a visitor/group of visitors once or twice a month. And we probably go to Melbourne once a month. Aside from that I catch up some friends down here maybe once a fortnight.

    I talk to all my friends on FB, email and sms mostly - is this abnormal/unhealthy?

    I have a dear frined who lives about 6hrs away and we speak maybe once a month on the phone. I always think I shoudl try to call her more, but then I never do.

    EVERYONE KNOWS I WILL NEVER ANSER MY PHONE - im shocking. I just dont like doing it really? I dunno why?

    So this weekend we are in Melbourne and I have had a few ppl try to catch up - I normally bail on plans or make up excuses not to go cos I can't be bothered. But this time I have committed to them - so I have dinner friday, lunch sat, dinner sat night, brunch sunday and I also need to pop in to see someone else). Just thinking about I can't be bothered and would much rather just veg out with my sister while in Mel.

    Its that these ppl aren't nice ppl - I think they great ppl and want to be friends with them - i am friends with them. Im not a quanity kind of girl, I would rather have a handful of really good friends then heaps of acquintances. But even these handfuls - I dunno?

    Am I wierd? Do normal ppl get excited about seeing their friends? I am excited to catch up with them, but don't think I am missing out on our friendship by having it more long distance/online.

    I think if I lived in Mel maybe I would see them more? maybe not? I love time to myself or just hanging with DH. And I do like when ppl visit - I just not a big fan of going out?

    So anyway, how do you be social? Do you like it? Or do you do it because its important to put effort into friendships you value?

    Sometimes I feel I'm wired wrong? I am very chatty and like human interaction but I just a home body.

  2. #2
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    I am exactly the same! I can totally relate to your post.

    I went back to my home state over Christmas and didn't catch up with a friend I have there. She and I email and SMS each other, but I'm just not big on catching up in person.

    I used to be quite shy so maybe it stems from the time when it was actually hard work to be around friends.

    My DP is very social and we often clash about it. He would catch up with friends every weekend whereas I'm happiest when it's just the two of us.

    Oh well...at least I know I'm not alone on feeling like this!

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    I am the same.

    I have a handful of good friends and quite a few friends that I get along well with and could easily be better friends with. But I don't make the effort because I find it hard enough to get motivated to see the good friends I already have.

    I do like doing social things, but am happy to do maybe one thing a weekend socially & then spend the rest of the time with my DH & DS, whereas I have friends who make the whole weekend (and the week) a whirl of social activities. I also tend to treat the weekdays like a "school night" and just stay in, but when I do go for a drink with friends during the week I have a great time and always think I should do it more often!

  4. #4
    Buttoneska's Avatar
    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    See my DH is even more antisocial them me so together we could happily hibernate for 6mths of the yr. We would welcome visitors during that time and I would need contact online with ppl but aside from that - I would never leave our property. We make jokes about moving to somewhere really remote!

  5. #5
    Buttoneska's Avatar
    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    haha! I don't do anythign on school nights either. Well rarely. And if something is on, I say to myself - 'really, how odd on a school night'.

  6. #6
    Buttoneska's Avatar
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    BTW - to those that are the same as me - do you think you should change? Do you think you would benefit from being more social? ARe you losing out on stuff?

    My sister runs around like a headless chook seeing millions of ppl everyday - she is always on her way somewhere and back from somewhere else. But when you see her she will ask you the same questions she asked you last time and nod blanky while you answer and you so know she is thinking abotu something else. I don't want to be like that, but im just wondering if there is middle ground and if its a good place to be.

  7. #7
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    I don't think I should change really...we are all different.

    Our friends know they are very welcome to our house and DP's mates often come over for dinner and a movie, but I just can't be bothered going out.

    We went through a stage of partying every weekend and it's just exhausting.

    I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything but I do worry that I'm making DP miss out

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    I am not an overly social person and it has been a problem for me in terms of making/keeping friends. I do find too much socialising tiring and i hate talking on the phone - hate it. I have never been one to call up friends and that has lost me friends in the past. I don't like when friends call me either as i just don't enjoy chatting on the phone and i know this causes some people to think badly of me - like if i was a 'true' friend i would call but i don't so they think i'm not really their friend? not making an effort.....
    I do enjoy catching up with friends but i also really like just being alone, i'm not one of those people who like being around others all the time. I can't handle too much social interaction.
    I don't know, i struggle with friendships and i hate that because i want/need friends but it is hard for me.
    I don't know - i feel like a huge failure when it comes to friendships

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    People who want to hang out non stop get on my nerves. Most of my friends are the same. Nothing we do bothers each other if we don't want to hang out we don't get all cry baby about it. You don't have to spend every day with someone to be true friends.

  10. #10
    ToughLove's Avatar
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    I'm a homebody too.

    I don't drink and I've never liked going out dancing or whatever {you learn to stay home when you have uncontrollable epilepsy and a family member takes you to a RAVE PARTY as a "surprise" 18th birthday present }

    I talk to people, sure, but I don't nag at them to constantly chat to me. I don't like talking on the phone, except to my grandma or my Dad.

    I'd like to have more friends, I make them slowly as I have high 'people' standards, but i'm loyal and loving and friendly when I'm given the chance.
    However, I won't call you every second day with "Heyyyy sista! Time to go shopping! YAY!"


 

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