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  1. #1
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    Default So Angry

    Probably just a vent, but I'm so angry right now.

    DH and I have been in marriage counseling for a few weeks after a very tough few months since DD was born. But I feel so angry!!!

    Like today...

    He comes home tired (as usual) and after helping with dd's bath, he feeds her half the bottle then gives up because she's fussing a bit (overtired - she hasn't slept well today). So I take over and finish the feed. He says he doesn't want to put her to bed so I do it, no worries.

    He wants pizza for dinner so I order it and go pick it up. I ask him to clean up and he does it half-heartedly. I pick up the plates off the sink and put them in the dishwasher. Which is right next to the sink.

    I mention that there's washing on the line, he ignores me. So I wash and sterilize the bottles, empty the garbage, take the washing off the line, make up the pear purée for dd's breaky as we were out of food for her, wash up, sweep the kitchen... I take a call from a work friend and when I hang up he's disappeared. The TV is still on. I go upstairs and he's asleep in bed. To get there, he stepped over the pile of his clothes that I had sorted earlier today with the intention of washing them but got busy with a cranky bub. So I go back downstairs, turn off the outside lights he left on when he fed the dogs and close the back door that he left open.

    WTF????????????

    We were going to watch a movie but I had to get this stuff done first. He didn't even say goodnight.

    The counsellor said it's healthy to recognize when you need time out and that DH is good at doing that. But why is it always at my expense??? I'd love to just do my own thing but there's no chance until everything is done. Once, I asked him to watch DD while I watched a tv show for an hour. He played with her right next to the TV for 10 minutes then gave her back to me because he supposedly had to make a work call. When I went upstairs he was stuffing around on the computer.

    If I say anything, I'm being over sensitive "because of the PND" or its my fault because I should have asked for his help specifically.

    WTF???????????

    To make it worse I was really excited about embarking on a course this year, and last night he asks if I've considered how it will impact him and DD - he seemed shocked that I would "just expect him to look after her" when I needed time to study.

    10 mins later he's complaining that he wants to go on a 5 day holiday with the boys and have time on the weekends to watch UFC at the pub.

    WTF???????????

    Sorry, just want to cry and scream and punch something but I have no-one to talk to

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cue View Post
    10 mins later he's complaining that he wants to go on a 5 day holiday with the boys and have time on the weekends to watch UFC at the pub.

    Give him a wake up call, leave the house go out and let him just deal with it


    Also occasional care creche is a wonderful thing take some time out for YOU

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to ohdear For This Useful Post:

    lovemybabies!  (20-01-2012)

  4. #3
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    Sounds like a normal day in our house. Sorry that it can be so one way at times.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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    AllYouNeedIsLove  (21-01-2012)

  6. #4
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    TimTamsandTea is offline ...if only all relationships were so perfectly sweet!
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    You have every right to feel incredibly angry and I'm so sorry that you have to tolerate such behaviour from your husband.

    What you have described is so completely selfish and insensitive that it makes my blood boil on your behalf. From what you have written, your husband has taken advantage of your patient nature for a little too long and he has come to expect a very unfair distribution of responsibility and sacrifice that comes with raising a child and maintaining a household. I am even more furious on your behalf as he uses your diagnosis of post-natal depression against you. That's just not on.

    How about organising some time for yourself without notice. Simply wake up one morning, leave him with a list of things that need to be done along with the time you may return. Tell him that you're taking your cue from him and recognising that you need some time out. Maybe a little 'strike' wouldn't hurt either? Look after your's and your dd's needs for a few days and leave everything else (if you can bear it). Maybe seeing the house fall apart around him would be a way to highlight everything you do?

    Lastly, I give you , and more - you deserve that at the very least.

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    AllYouNeedIsLove  (21-01-2012)

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    I hope tomorrow is a better day for you.

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    Uuurrgghh maybe I'm overreacting. He has been very supportive of me wanting to change careers, he said he just wanted to make sure we understood what it would mean. I see his point but it's the way he said it.

    I have spoken to him so many times about doing more to help but it never gets me anywhere. I feel like I don't have much of an argument now that I'm not working.

    I want him to WANT to help, to WANT to look after DD.

    I hate feeling like this.

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    MyLittleLilacTree  (24-01-2012)

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    Sorry to hear your going through this
    Have you been able to bring this stuff up in your counseling sessions yet? My DH and I went through a similar experience after the birth of our first bub. I felt like my life changed over night and his not at all and eventually I started to resent him for not pulling his weight. Unfortunately I couldn't get my DH to go to counseling but we eventually got through it. I found that in the end I had to stop expecting him to just step in and help and just straight out ask him to or occasionally demand it lol.
    I hope things get better for you soon!

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    Quote Originally Posted by smootch View Post
    Sounds like a normal day in our house. Sorry that it can be so one way at times.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    sorry to say same here...and with 3 kids...it erks me everyday when i know other dad do things...not even a nappy changed here a week or anything resembling housework....tried can't think of anything...makes me very sad. Feel for you xxx

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    Is there a way that you can get in a cleaning lady or a student to help in the early evenings? It honestly sounds like your husband is shattered. I have no idea what work he does but he is obviously tired. I am not saying you aren't, just trying to find a solution. Timeout for yourself might also mean putting dd in daycare for one day a week.

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    Sorry to hear this, it is so difficult to explain why and how you're feeling - especially when your DH sees it that you're home all day, and he's at work - hence, he has the right.

    My DH and i went through a similar thing when DD was young - it was hard, but we got through. In that, my DH is a very helpful person with house things, but looking after or taking DD out - different story.

    I go with others that have said - GO OUT, leave a list and let him deal with it. Don't be there to call on .... It is so hard - but i hope you're able to work through it.


 

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