After the birthrape thread, it really occurred to me that I haven't talked about my first labour really, and after talking about it with one lovely hubber, I realized there's probably a few who haven't. I don't feel like my birth was traumatic. To me. But I do feel like someone, somewhere owes me an explanation, and an apology.
I will keep it short (I have noticed lately how epic my posts are becoming). ETA: fail! It's SO long! Sorry
He was born at 40+4 spontaneous labour, 18 hours of laboring at home until my water broke.
Checked into hospy at 9pm. All was well, an internal which put me at 3cm and some fetal monitoring...
1am or so they come in to put a canula in for IV antibiotics. 5 attempts later it's in, but the drip was by far the least pleasant experience til that point. Very painful, and 2 blown up veins (don't know the technical term, but one of them had blood bubble out, just under the skin, it's was horrific looking). In hindsight, I think I went into a little shock. The contractions had been getting really bad, and then add to that the needles (and they wouldn't wait til the contraction was over). Afterwards I became pale and sweaty and cold and trembly and it didn't pass for ages.
I jumped in the shower some point after that, the midwife checked and was 8cm and not coping well. They gave me gas.
About 90 hellish minutes in the shower and I felt a drop and a need to push. (5am)
So up on the bed on my back I get. I asked the midwife if I should try another position, she says go for it. I tried kneeling, resting on a bean bag and it made the contraction unbearable. She suggests I try the bed again. That's the last time anyone suggested I try anything.
I was pushing and pushing and at about 6am they call mum and tell her bun will be here any minute if she wants to head in.
But he just rocked down and back up with every contraction.
Then the 'interventions'. After 4 hours of me pushing and my mum telling them for the better part of an hour that this is what happened with both her babies, they decide to act. Part of me is resentful for them waiting so long. The other part is resentful because I think I needed encouraging to move/stand etc. I WANTED help, but i think their lack of help in the early part is what lead to me being unable to birth him on my own.
A vaccuum attempt. This one I knew about and consented to. She got it on and put her foot on the bed and Pulled with everything she had. I was naive and stressed and when it FLEW out, never mind the pain, I was terrified part of Vaughn had come with it.
Next thing I know, she has her hand in past my cervix and is turning the baby. I have no idea if she was successful. It was excruciating and and I was unprepared. It was by far the worst pain I have ever known.
Then she is putting the vaccum on again. By this point there are 2 middies, 2 doctors, a student doctor and the registrar or somebody like that (someone higher up). I ask if all is ok, being that my room is crowded. They said 'it's all fine'. So I ask if theres a way around the vaccum, it worried me, I hated the way if came off with such force. She says 'we've used it for so long, if it was dangerous we wouldn't use it.' so it comes off again. I'm crying and contracting, and pushing...
I don't remember much after that. It came back to me that there was a catheter (why didn't they ask me to pee in the toilet? It's not like I had an epidural? At this point, I am doing it with no relief. My last gas had been hours ago).
Well, they say 'we've given you pintocin, and the doctor is on his way, if bub isn't born in the next 20 minutes were taking you to theatre, we will try forceps first, but then we will have to a c-sec' and then I'm pushing without even knowing it. And then I am removing my jewellery and signing the c-sec papers and being asked to stop pushing.
Try telling the sun not to rise.
Then I am being placed in the most comfortable bed/position in the world, arms and legs cuddled by stirrup thingies, a blanket and a big gas mask. I have a few foggy memories of the beautiful man holding the mask, so lovely and kind and telling me what they were doing. Then the forceps are in and they've given me an episiotomy and they're lookin for my wreck of a hubby. And the guy was talking to me but I was falling asleep. He told me if I didn't look at him he'd take away the gas. Never opened my eyes so fast.
And then 1 push later and he's out. 10.15am 12th December. 5 hours after I began pushing.
He was jaundiced from the massive haematoma, he was only to be held by us for 24hrs, but he was the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen, and I had spent my life afraid I would never have a baby, so to me, it was all just part of the package to have him.
I am not traumatized by my labour, but i feel like labour happened to me, I wasn't an active member.
I won't keep writing, but my second labour was the exact opposite and the absolute antidote to my first.
So if there is anyone else out there who never talked about your birth, but wanted to, I'd love to hear your story. It has helped to write it.
I would LOVE 5 minutes with the doctors to ask them what was happening.