IeI said that if you then use your own risk assessment to asses OTHER people's risks and find their behaviour lacking - THEN you are victim-blaming.I don't think that doing a risk assessment and deciding to modify our own behaviours (or that of our children) based on that risk assessment is victim-blaming
I really don't know how to say that more clearly. I'm sorry, I wish I did know because I'm clearly causing confusion and offence and I'm not intending to, at all.
ETA: I said in a post to Annabella this:
I also stated that I now realise that I was wrong, and that people aren't necessarily imposing their own risk assessments on other women - and if they're not, they're not victim-blaming.I was interpreting your risk assessment as being something that you evaluated for other women too (ie that THEY shouldn't walk down dark streets, or go out after dark, or whatever), and thereby if they didn't do those things they were somehow responsible if they were raped.
Last edited by Tam-I-Am; 19-01-2012 at 12:42.
I guess I just don't know if this is the right place to label people based on what they have been through and how they behave following their experience.
This is why, in my opinion, there needs to be much more care and empathy exercised in these sort of threads.
We're not discussing different ways of coping with petty theft (which can be horrible in itself, obviously) - we're discussing the aftermath of what sexual assault victims go through. Many of us have experienced it and have said so...however many, many hubbers have experienced it and *do not* discuss it anywhere on these forums for fear of the response they'll get.
Theres a time and a place for offensive lables and in a thread with people who have experienced abuse isnt one of them.
You're also making assumptions about why it is that somebody would be so against victim-blaming.
I think it's very important to discuss what does and doesn't constitute victim-blaming - because it's such a regular and unconscious part of our social structure, and everywhere people who HAVE been sexually assaulted and raped turn, there is discussion about why it is that they were, at the very least, 'partially responsible' for their own assaults. Which I hope we can all agree is unacceptable.
And I absolutely agree with Pinkzy. These threads need to be treated with caution (because not everyone will disclose their experiences) and a great deal of empathy for those who *do* disclose their experiences.
And I'll repeat this again: Most victim-blaming isn't done maliciously, in my experience or belief. It's done almost unconsciously, and it's a part of our social conditioning. It's done because we all want to feel safe, and because we feel that if we can modify something about ourselves that will bring about our safety - and then we extrapolate that to other people and take it one step further and make judgements on their behaviour, mode of dress, actions etc.
If we're judging ourselves, well, it worries me to be honest - because there are a lot of rape victims who blame themselves and that's just so wrong. But if we're judging others and blaming them, then it needs to be addressed.
I agree. Which is why that's not what I've done.Originally Posted by shareabook
Ana Gram (19-01-2012)
I'm going to close this thread today, to give everybody a chance to clear their heads.
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